|
Marian N. Middle, TN, USA Post Op - BMI: 32.2 Surgery Type: RNY Member ID: N1104424473 Surgeon: John D. Husted, M.D. |
Click here for Marian's surgery support page Click here for the 07/2005 Reunion Page Click here to print Marian's cards (You can print your own cards, and if you're good at it, you can help print cards for your friends as well!) Click here to view Marian’s friends. |
 Update 9-27-07: You know, weight loss surgery didn't turn out for me how I expected it would. I did everything I was supposed to do and didn't do the things I wasn't supposed to do. But I stopped losing weight (via the surgery) just three months post-op. I worked my ass off and lost about 30 more pounds the old-fashioned way right before I got pregnant in March of 2006. I'm now trying to lose the last little bit of pregnancy weight plus about 20-30 more pounds. My story (reaching one's "metabolic limit") is not common, but it does happen. If you're considering having weight loss surgery, I urge you to look into this. If you'd like to know more, just e-mail me at marian.norris@gmail.com. I truly just want to keep others from experiencing the torture, disappointment, and dispair that comes from stopping weightloss just three months post-op. Sincerely, Marian Norris
12/30/04 Hi there. I'm a 23-year-old full-time law school student who also happens to be morbidly obese. I'm 5'8" tall and I weigh somewhere in the neighborhood of 285. I've actually lost a few pounds. At my heaviest I was 293. Right now I'm wearing a size 24 pants. Thank God Old Navy has started carrying larger sizes, it's great! I've been married to my wonderful husband for two years now. We've been together since we were 18. I have only decided to have weight loss surgery in the past month. In November I was diagnosed with type II diabetes. This was a real scare. Then a few weeks later, I caught a terrible cold that turned into pneumonia. My blood pressure went up to 160/110. After dicussing my ongoing weight problems, including my battle with PCOS, my PCP suggested weight loss surgery. I had considered it before, and even attended a seminar this past summer, but it SCARED me! Needless to say, my recent illnesses have scared me much more than a few cuts and staples ever could. I was staring in the face of a young death and I didn't like it at all. So, where do we go from here? I'm scheduled to attend another seminar and have my consultation on Wednesday, Jan. 5., 2005. I'm hoping to schedule my surgery for the latter part of June, 2005. I don't have any insurance, and can't get any. They have denined me on several occasions due to my weight. I'm so blessed because my parents are willing to pay for it out of pocket. They look at it like saving my life is worth anything. My family has a long history of heart disease and diabetes, in fact, my dad had a heart attack and quadruple bypass surgery when he was only 43. My genes are not on my side. Since I've decided to have the surgery, I can't stop thinking about it. I have two huge midterm exams coming up at school and all I can do is sit here and read other journals, look at before and after pictures, and dream about what it will be like to feel good again. I want to feel good both physically and mentally. I've only started having physical problems with my weight in the past three years or so. However, I've been without self esteem and self respect my entire life. It was hard growing up being a "big girl" when my mother was a petite 5'4" and 120lbs. I still feel like an ogre when I hug her. My husband has been by my side through thick and thicker. He loves me for me and only wants me to have this surgery so that I can live a long life and be here with him when we get old. I haven't told many other people that I'm planning on having this surgery. My grandmother, my mom and dad, and little brother (he's 17) know, and I think I'm going to leave it at that for a while. I don't really care what anyone else thinks at this point. I know it's time to make a permanent change in my life, and I'm ready to make this committment to myself and keep a promise to my husband to be around when we have our 50th wedding anniversary!   1/6/2005 Happy New Year! I got a date! JUNE 24th is my new birthday!!! I'm scheduled to have laparoscopic RNY. Dr. Husted even said that he would try to put a fobi band around my pouch. He says it takes longer in surgery (it'll be 4-5 hours total) but that it will be better off in the long run. I HOPE they won't have to convert my surgery to open. He says since I take Metformin for my diabetes that my liver will be enlarged. He wants me to go on a carb free diet for the two weeks before surgery so that my liver will shrink and they won't have problems with it being in the way. Other than that, I'm so excited! First we had a seminar (I had already been to one in the summer, but decided to go to a second one). After that I had my consultation. I first met Chris, who is Dr. Husted's assistant. He took some info from me and I stood on this crazy scale somehow measures your body fat and muscle mass. I guess I am stupid but I had never heard of anything like that. It does it with electric currents through your feet! Anyway, this is what it told me: My BMI is 43.5 I have 49.9% fat. A lean, healthy standard is 20%. So that means I have 142.51 pounds of fat total. This is not all excess. 143.51 pounds of me is fat free mass. Jeez, I am buff! :P It says my desireable range of fat percentage is 21-33%. I guess this machine gives estimates based on average weight loss for lap RNY. So, it gave me this estimate: in order to obtain a fat mass of 35%, I would need to lose 107 pounds. This would make me weigh about 179 pounds. I talked to my husband about this scale, because apparently they used them in the Army when they were weightlifting. He says that the weight it gave me is if I only lose fat and no muscle, and since muscle weighs more than fat, I will probably be lighter. I'll lose muscle because I won't need the giant calves, thighs, back, and arms to carry myself around when I weigh less. And believe me, I have got some muscles under all this! I am worried about extra skin, though. I'm hoping to weigh about 155-165 pounds when it's all over with. I've already been looking into having some plastic surgery done next summer. I guess it will depend on how much weight I have lost by then. My only hesitation there is that we have not had children yet, and we plan to. If I had a tummy tuck, it would just stretch it all back out again. Hmmm, I'll have to think about that some more. So, I guess that is all from me for now. I'm just so excited that I don't know what to do. I'll be coming home from the U.K. on June 14th. I have my pre-op testing on the 15th, and then surgery the 24th. Such excitement!!!!!! I'll fill in more later! Ciao!  3/30/2005 Well, there hasn't been much to report here lately, and I've been super, super busy in law school! I turned 24. YUCK! I feel much older than I am because of my health problems! I want to have my surgery NOW. My date was changed because Dr. Husted is going to be out of town the last week of June. My new date is July 5th. I have to be at the hospital at 5:30am that morning so I think my husband and I are going to spend the night in Nashville so we don't have to get up at 2! Nashville is about an hour and a half from our hometown. I have been feeling awful lately and wishing my surgery date were closer. My husband, brother and I are taking my grandmother to the U.K. during the last part of May and first part of June. I would have scheduled my surgery sooner had it not been for that trip. I hope we still get to go. My grandmother had triple heart bypass surgery three weeks ago today. It was very unexpected. She went in for a aerteriogram (they couldn't find any problems on the ultrasound or EKG but did this just to be sure) and they told her three of her arteries were at least 90% blocked. So she spent 12 days at St. Thomas. I was there with her a lot of the time, and one day I heard her tell one of the nurses that there were 7 brothers in her fathers family and 6 of them died of heart attacks (the other was killed in a tornado). That made me all the more glad that I am having this surgery. There's no guarantee that I won't have to have heart surgery one day, and I probably will have an aerteriogram at some point to check my arteries, but I hope this will decrease my risk! I have been having some chest pain lately and I keep telling myself that I am too young and in better health than someone who would have a heart attack at 24. I hope I am right. I think it is most likely anxiety. I am thinking of seeing a doctor about putting me on some anxiety or ADD medication. I have a terrible time sleeping at night and can't stay focused during the day. My brother has ADHD, and I think I might, too. Jason and I are planning on spending next summer in San Miguel, Mexico. I've been looking at houses to rent. They are all so nice and they aren't very exspensive for what you get! His Spanish is very good but he wants to become fluent so that he can do court interpreting while he is in law school ($40 an hour!). He just has one year of college left! I am so proud of him. He's really blown through college (he just got out of the Army a little over two years ago). It'll be really nice when I have a study buddy to ride to school with me! Yay! I'm not sure how to Mexico trip will affect any plastic surgery I am going to have. I am thinking right now that next summer I will only have breast augmentation and then the following summer I will get any skin removed that needs to be. I hope and pray every time I think about it that my skin will go back! Well, I suppose that is all for now. Hopefully I will be able to post more often since school is winding down. By for now... 4/7/2005 Well, here I am again. I have spent hours (that I really don't have to spare) reading all the profiles here on the website--- and I'm just now getting through the "Cs"! Something that really concerns me is that I have noticed A LOT of people go through marital and relationship difficulties after surgery. My husband and I have been talking about this a lot lately -- how we'll feel, what should be said, how much we should communicate. We've both agreed to go somewhere for our anniversary this year (even if just for the weekend since I'll probably be having law school midterms around Christmas). I will be SO glad when this year is over. I've always heard that the first year of law school is the hardest and that they try to "weed you out" and make you quit. Jeez, they are not kidding. I can easily say this is the hardest thing I have ever done! I'm sure that won't stand for long though after my surgery! I was in Old Navy last night to buy a couple of things for our upcoming trip -- we're going to the UK for three weeks in June -- and I happened to glance over at the "regular" sizes. Maybe it's just my fat-girl paranoia, but it seems like some of the girls in the "regular" sizes resent Old Navy selling "plus" sizes. I've even noticed that every time I go in there, I manage to find at least one pair of size 2 or 4 pants mixed in with the size 24's. Maybe this is just a mistake on the part of the employees, but I have a suspiscion that it's a snide way of showing me how big I am on the part of some skinny twit. I told my husband the other day that I think I will always have contempt for what I call "the skinny girls." They have been unmercifully mean to me since I can remember. I may look like one of them one day, but I'll never BE one. I was just telling him yesterday that people get what is coming to them. There was this girl in 8th grade (yes, I guess I carry a grudge for a while!) who used to be very mean to me, even though I was popular and ran in her crowd. Well I saw her outside a restaurant the other day and she is bigger than I was in 8th grade! HA! Well, I guess that is mean, but in my opinion, she deserves it. Let's see her make the cheerleading squad now. Well, since I am sounding like a real b***** on here I guess I should go. My mind is going 1000 miles an hour thinking and thinking about my surgery and what life will be like afterward. I hope I get this out of my system, because I'll be a wreck the day before surgery if I'm like this 3 months before!!! 6/16/2005 Gosh it's been a long time since I wrote. Well I'm back from our three week odessey to the UK. We had a lot of fun and saw a lot of things that I know my grandmother could never have seen on her own. All in all, it was a fantastic trip that I'll always have to remember my grandmother. I had some problems with my health on the trip, but none that I anticipated. I had expected my back to hurt (as it had been doing) during the long days of walking, or I expected to just give out from lack of energy, but that didn't really happen either. However, the second day of the trip my feet, ankles, and legs swelled terribly. I felt like my skin was going to explode. I have never experienced any type of swelling or retaining water before, so I had no idea what to do. I was almost in tears. My husband got some ice and iced down my ankles and feet. I soaked them in the bathtub in very cold water. I took 800 mgs of ibuprofen every 8 hours. I drank lots and lots and lots of water (with lemon -- which is a natural diuretic). Nothing, and I mean, nothing helped. The pain was so bad that I could not get one pair of shoes on (and I only brought three pairs on the trip - a record for me). Some days were better than others, but for the most part, they were swollen the whole time (three weeks). Toward the end of the trip, we were in the highlands of Scotland. I woke up one morning not feeling so well. I thought it was perhaps because we'd left the window open the night before (they don't do air conditioning in their climate). I took a shower and started feeling worse. I told my husband that I thought I was coming down with something. Well, I'd had the forsight to know that if I get a cold, it means immediate bronchitis and often pneumonia, so I had brought a round of amoxicillan with me. I started taking it, but that didn't help. By the end of that day, I was rotten with a terrible cold. We still had a week left between the rest of Scotland and London, so I had to tough it out. I stayed in bed the morning my husband, brother, and grandmother toured Edinburgh. I guess I was kidding myself because I thought it would make me feel better. Luckily, another lady on our trip had brought some Coricidin HBP cold medicine with her, which she gave to me. I was endlessly grateful, because I don't think I would have been able to hold my head up if not for that. Before we left Edinburgh, I found a pharmacy that had some regular cold meds (I was running out of the other quickly). I knew it wasn't good for my BP, but I took it anyway. What else was I supposed to do? The flight to London was murder on my sinuses and ears. I thought my eyeballs were going to pop out. The whole time all I could think of is my pre-op testing that is scheduled for next week. What if they find something on my chest xray and tell me that I can't have the surgery!? I was freakign out. I found some cough drops in London that kept me from hacking up my lungs on the airplane ride home. I think the amoxicillan is the only thing that kept me from getting really, really sick. I catch every germ almost instantly, and what would only be a minor cold for a healthy person ends up being a three week ordeal for me. We got home at 1:30 am yesterday morning (no thanks to a 7 hour layover caused by our wonderful president deciding to grace Dulles airport with his presence). I got a doctor's apppointment yesterday afternoon where I got an antibiotic shot in the hip (ouch), a round of super strong antibiotics, a round of super strong water pills, and some cough supressant- expectorant stuff. YUM. Well, I hope I am on the road to recovery. I better be. My testing is a week from today. I've got to be in tip-top shape for that. I know my surgeon is a stickler about patients being in the best shape they can be before the surgery. Tuesday will begin my two weeks of no or low carbs. I have to do this to get my liver to shrink (it's swollen from my diabetes medicine). Oh hey, I almost forgot to mention that I passed all my first year law school exams with flying colors! YAY! I am so glad I never have to go through that again! I didn't find out my grades until I was on our trip (talk about nerves of steel!). I was so relieved when I talked to my mom and she gave me the good news. I know I have posted about this on the message board but I don't think it ever made it into my journal-- our dog Dixie is having her surgery next week. She has been so sick, and after seemingly zillions of misdiagnosis and tests and medications, the vets at UT finally found that her liver valve did not close at birth. She has a portosystemic liver shunt. While we were gone my mom kept her and she had kind of a scare one day when Dixie's temp went up to 106. She took her to our vet and they decided the phenobarbitol that she was taking for seizures was decreasing her immnue system. They took her off of that and so now we're just waiting for her surgery that will take place on Tuesday. Everyone seems to think all of her problems will be cured by this surgery. I can relate to that! Well, I need to go now. Almost all of our clothes are dirty and we have no food in our house since we've been gone so long (threw everything out before we left). I'll write again soon hopefully -- definately after my pre-op testing! Since I discovered how to post extra pictures to my profile, I thought I'd stick a few on here from my recent trip to Ireland and the U.K.. :)  This is me and Jason on the Ring of Kerry (Dingle Bay in the background, County Kerry, Ireland)  This is me at Waterville, County Kerry, Ireland. I think this was my favorite place in all of the British Isles. The wind was blowing very hard the day we were there and it was about 50 degrees-- just my kind of weather. I LOVED it, and hope to go back there sometime soon.  And here's all three of us at Waterville. Jason took the picture with his arm stuck out --it's kinda a tradition with us. We just have to have the upthenose shot.  Me and my baby brother (he's 17) at Stonehenge. Isn't he so cute?  A good picture of Jason at Lock Ness, see the little sheep in the background?  Me and Jason at Stonehenge. This was the last day of a three week trip. We look like we've conquered the world. HA! We were so tired! 6/24/2005 Wow. Well yesterday was some trip. I had to be at the hospital for pre-op testing at 7:30 am (which meant leaving my house at 5:30 am). My mom and husband went with me. I was so glad they were there, because everything was a little overwhelming. I've never had surgery before (or even been in the hospital) so I was kinda freaked out by everything. I was to have no food after 5pm the day before -- only clear liquids until midnight and then nothing after that. I was parched by the time we arrived at the hospital. So, here's how it went after that: I arrived at 7:00 am (thirty minutes early -- didn't know what traffic would be like. After checking in with the diagnostic pavillion, I was told to be seated and they would come after me. In about 20 minutes, a man came to get me to do some paperwork and put a snazzy hospital bracelet on my wrist. I went back to the waiting room. In about 20 more minutes, I heard my name called. A lady took me down to have my legs checked. This was interesting. I rememebered my doctor saying that they would do a vein dopplar, but I didn't really know what this was. I went into a room with a bed and what looked like an ultrasound machine. After I asked, the lady explained to me that it was an ultrasound and a vein dopplar machine in one. I guess I still don't know what a vein dopplar looks like, I'll just trust that they do. I had to take off my pants and the lady used the ultrasound wand all over both legs. It seemed to take about 30 minutes. I think she was very thorough. It actually tickled a lot on my upper thighs, and I was trying very hard not to laugh. I was thinking to myself, I must be the most ticklish person alive for this to be funny, but when I asked her, she told me that I was doing very well. She said some people double over laughing and the exam takes an hour or more. Sheesh. The only part that hurt was when she was finding the big vein in my groin because she had to push hard. It was also uncomfortable to have her push on my shins. I actually don't have much fat on my lower legs. They are fairly muscular and it was somewhat painful (very briefly). Anyway, I survived that test and had to go back out to the waiting room to be fetched again. The next time someone came to get me it was for x-rays and that damned barium test. This time I got to change into a hospital gown and carry my clothes around in a little plastic bag so everyone could see my bra. The chest xrays went fine (although she did have to retake one because my spine was twisted. Next we went for the barium test. Ok, the first word that comes to mind is, YUCK. I stood on a platform and drank what tasted like alkaseltzer and was instructed not to burp. Next I was given a cup of the foulest, chalkiest, thickest barium and told to drink intermittenly, hold it in my mouth, swallow, don't breathe so that they could watch it go down my throat on this crazy machine. Then the radiologist tells me not to move and the board/table I'm standing against starts to move backward and before I know it I'm laying flat on my back. Here I am told to roll around in a complete circle (in my hospital gown no less) so that the barium can coat my stomach all the way around. Then I am given yet another cup of watered down barium with a straw, and told to drink lying on my side, on my stomach, on my other side, on my back while they take some pictures. Then comes the continuous drinking test. They tell you to start drinking and "keep drinking keep drinking keep drinking" until they say stop. I was ready to barf by the time that was over. I hadn't had anything to eat in about 15 hours and nothing to drink in 12 hours. Barium was not a tasty breakfast. Well, just when I think I'm finished, the tech comes back and says the continuous drinking test did not show up well, so I need to do it again. AGH! So, I did it again. Enough said about that. By the time all that was over with, I was feeling pretty nauseated. I had time to eat lunch before my 12pm bloodwork and EKG appointment, but decided to go down and see if they would do it early. They would, so I just waitied in the waiting room about 10 minutes until someone came to get me to do pre-admit paperwork. While I was in her office, the lady asked me what made me decide to have the surgery. I told her I was having a lot of health problems and that heart disease runs in my family. Basically, I told her I was too young to live like this. She said "well you don't look that big to me." Wow. Ok, that kinda knocked me for a loop. Earlier in the day, the nurse in radiology asked me how much I weighed (for xray purposes I am assuming). Later we were talking about my surgery and she told me that she was surprised when I told her how much I weigh. She said it was "well distrubuted" -- whatever that means. So here I am, going through hell to be thinner, and I have two people within an hour tell me that I am not that big. What the heck?! Well it turns out that the lady in pre-admit wanted to have the surgery done herself, but she said she was scared. I told her I am scared too, but not nearly as scared of this as I am of having my breastbone split open for heart surgery or dying of a heart attack before I'm 40. I told her to go for the surgery, whatever my two cents are worth. Well they called me back again and I had an EKG (which I'd just had about a month prior for chest pain I was having). Everything was fine. Oh, my chest pains earlier were from panic attacks. Apparently I have atrial spasms which feel just like a heart attack. Great. Anyway, next a nurse from the floor where I will be in a room after surgery came in to talk to me and ask if I had any questions. While she was in there, another nurse came in to take my blood. She tried in my left arm, fished around, couldn't hit anything, then tried my right, finally got some, and boy was I glad because it was making me sick. I was talking to the other nurse the whole while this was going on. I asked her some stuff about surgery and this and that. She told me that about 80-90% of women start their period in the hospital after surgery. It seems that the trauma of surgery induces a period. Great, again. Well, all I can say is that I better be on some good drugs. After this conversation was over, the anesthesiology nurse came in to talk to me. All these people were super, super nice. I was very impressed. I haven't often encountered hospital staff as friendly as those at Baptist. After I had finished talking to everyone, I had to get a urine sample. Since I hadn't had anything to drink in more than 12 hours, this was not an easy feat, but I managed to go a little. YAY! all done until my nutrition class. Jason, my mom, and I went to Chili's for lunch. Boy, that tasted so good after all day with no food. We then went up to my doctor's office where I paid my fee (gulp, thanks mom and dad) and bought my vitamins. We had nutrition class with about 5 other people who were having surgery within a week of me, and then I was home free! By 4:30pm, we were back on the interstate and getting the heck out of Nashville rush hour traffic. What a long, long, day. More from when when surgery is closer. Ciao for now. 7/4/2005 Well it's the 4th of July. Blah. It has totally lost meaning to me since it has been corrupted and overtaken by nationalists posing as patriots. Fireworks and celebrations when our guys are being slaughtered on the other side of the globe? Gimme a break people. On another note, it's the day before my surgery. I can't decribe the emotions I have been going through for the past week. One minute I am absolutely scared to death (almost in tears) of being put to sleep and waking up in pain with a breathing tube down my throat. The next minute I am excited and hopeful to see what I'll look like this time next year. However, I've never been one for patience, and the scared/nervous side my my brain usually wins this battle. I have had at least 4 dreams now of waking up after surgery. I can hear the nurses saying my name and telling me to wake up, that I did just fine. When I'm waking up, I have this tingling, burning pain in my right side. Weird. I guess we'll see if I'm psychic. Right now I'm sitting here with my breakfast (cup of tea -- I'm on a clear liquids diet today) in total disbelief that my surgery is tomorrow morning. GOD, how did this sneak up on me? My husband keeps asking me, "what's wrong?" I guess I must be staring off into space like a zombie. I just have about a zillion thoughts racing through my brain at once. This journal entry is probably going to be one solid ramble. I think the main undertone of all of it is fear of the unknown. I've never been in the hospital. I've never been put to sleep. I've never had any kind of surgery, EVER. It's just that I don't know what to expect. What kind of pain is normal? What kind of pain is too much? How do I know when I need the morphine and when I'm just being a wimp? But I keep reminding myself of what I told my mom last night, I'd rather go in for scheduled surgery than for emergency heart surgery like my dad. We've been cleaning our house like mad for several days. I think we have disinfected/mopped/dusted/wiped/scrubbed just about everything in the whole house. Jason is bleaching the bathrooms today. I was instructed to take two showers a day starting two days ago. I hope I am squeaky clean enough not to get an infection. I think it's a control thing, this cleaning business. I'm cleaning because it's the only thing I can control right now. Jason won't let me pick up or pet our little Bean anymore -- says he has too many germs. Maybe he does, but I think it's Jason's way of controlling what he can because he feels like he's out of control of what happens, too. I sent out a mass e-mail to my friends this morning. I had told some of them about the surgery myself. I have a feeling that the ones I did not tell have found out anyway through the grapevine. It has not been any huge secret. I wouldn't say that I am embarassed that I am having it. I'm not. I'm just a little uncomfortable talking to some people about it right now. Living in a small town, you learn very quickly what parts of your life you share with others. It will be interesting to see who calls or writes me in the coming weeks. I think it will say a lot about who my friends are. Jason is already busying around the house cleaning some more. He says he has to mow the yard today, too. I don't know what I would have done without him all this time. He has cleaned our house almost totally by himself for the past two years (since I have been unable to help due to my weight and energy level). I help a little, but he really does most of the work. It makes me feel pretty bad about myself as a wife and as a woman. I know I'm lucky and have found about a one in a zillion kind of guy that would actually scrub the toilets and do the laundry, but I still feel like a total loser when I'm sitting on the couch because I don't have the energy to clean and he's scrubbing the bathtub. My back has been KILLING me for the past two days. Last night I was in so much pain I felt like I was going to vomit. It's hurting very bad right now -- in the same place it was hurting before I went to the chiropractor. He said I have pinched nerves. They must be re-pinched. However, I have found that when I am stressed that my back hurts much worse. I think I must hold tension in my back like some people do in their neck. It's always the same spot -- burning like fire. I need some drugs but I can't take anything but Tylenol. That's like a Flintsone vitamin to me. I've gained weight since my initial consultation in January. They didn't weigh me at my pre-ops but I know I have gained weight. I told myself that I would not eat like there's no tomorrow before my surgery, but I have anyway. I've been bidding farewell to my favorite foods for about two weeks. It's going to be hard, this thing with me and food. I have taken up a couple of new hobbies. I tought myself how to knit and crochet, and my mom bought me a sewing machine and I taught myself how to sew. I have been making purses and bags, but I think I am going to tackle some clothing of some type when I'm feeling better. Sewing is fun to me, I like to make things. It's the closest feeling I can get to baking or cooking. I enjoy doing things and then sharing them with others. I like to feel pride in myself for having accomplished something or having created something. Maybe I can throw all that creative energy into my sewing. At least that's what I'm hoping I can do to cope without food. Well my tea is almost gone and I am too nervous to sit here anymore. The smell of bleach is drifting this way from the bathroom so I know Jason is almost finished. I'm going to go take a shower. Again. I thought I would be able to write something very insightful here. I thought I would be able to write something that would help other people reading my profile who find themselves in a position like myself. However, for one of the very few times in my life, I am at a loss for words. I'll just end here. I'll be back when it's over. Ciao. Here are some photos of me taken on July 2, 2005 (three days before surgery). In these pictures I weigh approximately 290 lbs and I'm between 5'7" and 5'8" (I was 5'8" when I was not so heavy). I'm wearing a 2X t-shirt and size 24W jeans from Old Navy. The last one is of me and my little Toy Fox Terrier, Bean.      Pre-Op Measurements Left Arm Upper: 17" Left Forearm: 11 7/8" Left Wrist: 7 1/2" Right Arm Upper: 17" Right forearm: 12 1/2" Right Wrist: 7 1/2" Neck: 15 7/8" Bust: 47 1/2" Below bust: 45" Natural Waist: 43 1/2" Around Belly Button (where I wear pants): 54" Hips: 58" Left thigh: 35 6/8" Left knee: 17 2/8" Left Calf: 18" Left Ankle: 9 7/8" Right thigh: 34 1/8" Right knee: 18 6/8" Right calf: 17 6/8" Right ankle: 9 6/8" Around chest, arms down: 55 6/8" Armpit to Armpit front: 16 1/2" Armpit to Armpit back: 19 3/8" stride: 76 1/2" 7/12/2005 Well -- I'm back!!! Today it's been one week since my surgery. Boy, has it been a wild ride. Here's how the story goes: I went to the hospital at 5:00am last Tuesday morning (July 5th). They checked me in, took me to a room, and had me change into a hospital gown. My husband and I had driven seperately so we just kinda sat there nervousing around a little until my mom and grandmother got there. Just a little later, a nurse came in, took my vitals (my BP was NORMAL! Can you believe it!? First time in months!), gave me a heperin shot, and a shot to dry my mouth up for the next 5 days. She was so sweet though. She then put pressure stockings on my feet and legs along with this weird little velcro StarWars boots that were hooked up to a machine after surgery. They would intermittenly inflate and deflate to squeeze my calves and prevent bloodclots. I was pretty nervous at this point, but not hysterical (yet). Not too much later, another nurse came to take me to holding. It was time to say goodbye. My family followed me to the 7th floor (laparoscopic surgery) and I kissed everyone goodbye. It was so weird because I could picture myself crying and boohooing, but while we were on the elevator, I said "have you ever been so nervous all you could do was laugh?" Because I was LAUGHING! WEIRD. Ok, so I got kinda sad when I had to kiss my husband. He told me to walk it off and rub some dirt in it (our joke) and that I would be fine. They rolled me into holding where a team of anesthesiologists was waiting on me. Now this was the part I was really dreading. One of the first cases I read in law school was about a man who had the breathing tube placed in his esophogus rather than his trachea. He went without oxygen for 8 minutes, was brain dead and died. So what did I do? I told the anesthesiologist about it! They didn't think it was funny. :P Well, they had a lot of trouble getting my veins to come up. I had a tournikit on my left arm for a good ten minutes while one of them slapped the bend in my arm. No luck. Made a fist for the wrist, no luck. So, they called over the big guns. (They gave me skin deadening shots in all these places before going poking around -- it still wasn't much fun though. I don't like needles). He leaned my bed back to where my feet where in the air and my head was toward the ground (special anesthesiology bed I guess) and placed an IV under my collar bone. Ouch. When he put it in, he said my vein was not big enough and that he would need to stretch it. He said he was sorry but he could not deaden the vein and that it would hurt. IT DID. He then told me to tell him when I felt my heart racing. I did. The catheter was in my heart I guess. (it was about 6 inches long inside me) He backed it off a little and it stopped. They then put another IV in both wrists (with the help of the superanesthesiologist) and gave me a shot to help me chill. Except I didn't. I just kept talking and talking and blabbing and blabbing. My mouth was really, really dry at this point, and I was slurring from the medicine, but I was still perfecting at myself. I think they couldn't figure out what my deal was. Anyway, there had been a bad wreck that morning on I-65 and one of the surgical assistants was caught in traffic. My surgery was scheduled to start at 7:30 but at 8:00 I was still in holding. I asked one of the anesthesiologists if they could call my family in the waiting area and tell them that my surgery had been delayed. She did. (These people were all SO SO nice). Finally, at 8:30 they came for me. Someone told me that Dr. Spaw, the other doctor at the practice I go to was going to help in my surgery. Score for me! Two awesome doctors to work on me. They wheeled me into the operating room, and I scooted over onto the operating table. I remember thinking that the operating room was huge and that it was not as cold as everyone had told me it would be. The table was nice and heated and warm, so it felt good against my nekkid butt. :P My arms with the IV's were strapped down to two arm rests jutting out from the table and some oxygen was put on my face. I was told to scoot this way and scoot that way and lean my head back. Then they put the gas on. She told me to take three deep breaths and I was out. I woke up at about 12:30 in recovery. They were taking the breathing tube out. Before they even got it out I started saying (in my slurred, cotton-mouth voice) "I'm hurting, I'm hurting" because at this point I had NO pain meds. As they were getting me hooked up to the morphine pump, I asked one of the nurses if they had been able to do it laparoscopically. She said yes. I felt my tummy, and no big incision. YAY! I asked about the band, she didn't know. I remember looking at the clock and seeing 12:38. I was out. I woke up again at 1:00. I remember thinking, crap, I gotta stay awake so that I can get to a room and see my family. I asked when I could go to a room. I don't remember the reply because I was out again in no time (a lot of morphine at this point). I woke up again at 1:30 and that was it. I asked repeatedly when I could go to a room and see my family. They moved me. I think they were waiting on someone to get out of my room (and me to wake up). My family tells me that my surgery was over at about 11:30 -- at least that's when my doctor went out to see them. So I guess I was in surgery for 2.5 hours and in recovery for 2 hours. They wheeled me to my room and my family was already there. The nurses shooed them off for a minute while they did some work on me (made me scoot onto the bed) and then I got to seem them. My mom was crying. She says it's because the IV in my collarbone was bleeding. It had been bleeding since they put it in. It was really gross looking anyway. I talked to everybody for about 5 minutes and I was out again. This time I slept for about 3 or 4 hours. I just couldn't shake the sleep. I would wake up, push my pain button, and go back to sleep. I could get morphine every 8 minutes, and believe me, I used it. I got up that night and walked one lap around the 8th floor. It was tough, but I made it. I walked more and more every day I was there, and by the time I went home, I was walking 21 days. Everything is kind of a blur for the first couple of days. I was still very tired and on a lot of meds at first. Early Thursday morning, I woke up feeling really bad. They came and took my temp and it was 102. I got a Tylenol suppository and it went away. The temp made me feel AWFUL. It was like I had the flu or something. I was sent to x-rays to check out my lungs. I found out that one of my lungs had not expanded fully from surgery and was partially collapsed. It was trying to set up pneumonia. I had to do some painful deep breathing exercises that day. Then that night, while my mom and brother were visiting, the temp came back. 102 again. The next morning, more x-rays and more painful breathing exercises. I got up every 3 hours to walk and deep breath. I guess it got better, because I never ran a temp again. I got to come home on Friday afternoon and boy was I GLAD! I REALLY wanted a shower and to wash my hair! The first few days at home were rough. I wasn't feeling very well and was still pretty short of breath. However, I kept walking and pushing myself and I am slowing feeling better. Yesterday and today I got in more protien than I'd had in a week and I feel TONS better. I walked 3/4 mile today and was only slightly winded. I can tell a change in my body and clothes already. I know I've lost weight, I'm just not sure how much. I've had ups and downs. Don't get me wrong. I've never regretting the surgery for a minute. I know this will change my life in ways nothing else could. However, I've had some bad emotional days where I have cried for my old friend, food. My husband has been very considerate. He turns on all the fans when he cooks and hides in one of the back rooms so that I don't have to smell or see him eating. It's just hard though. Food was like my heroine. I was that addicted. I told him last night that being around food and not being able to eat it was like putting a heroine junkie in a room full of syringes with no needles. Every commercial on TV seems to be about food. I have dreamed about food every night since I've been home. Right now I'm on pureed foods for 8 weeks. This is making it that much harder. Eating mush 6 times a day is not fun. We're getting more creative though. Today I pureed a turkey breast and made some (fake) mashed potatoes and added protin powder. Right now I'm drinking a ZeroCarb Isopure. 40gs per 20oz. I don't have any trouble getting in my water, it's just really really hard to eat food that doesn't taste that good (looks worse) and has the consistency of vomit. I feel like a baby bird. I had a first today. I gave myself a shower and washed my own hair. My husband had been doing this for me since surgery. It was nice to just be able to stand in the shower alone and feel the warm water. I then went outside and sat in the sunshine for a good hour. Very theraputic. Maybe that's why I'm in better spirits today. I know I'll have good days and bad days, but I'm going to try very hard to remind myself all the time that I'm very fortunate to have had this life-changing surgery. I know this is the beginning of the rest of my life! More from me later. Ciao! Here's some hospital photos!!!  Nervously waiting to leave for the hospital 7/5/2005  Just out of surgery. Can you say, SWOLLEN boys and girls??? Check out that stylish bloody IV in my collarbone. Doesn't it look terrific?  Hey look! I'm awake and high on morphine!  Ice chips are my best friend! My mouth was SO dry! You can also see how red my face got from the morphine -- and me itching my nose. The morphine made me itch all over, but I didn't care, I wasn't hurting!  Here's my incisions. Weren't the nurses cute with the heart-shaped bandages?  Ready to go home. Let's get the heck out of here and get home before my drugs wear off! July 22, 2005 Well it has been just over two weeks now since surgery. Like I said in my last post, I've had ups and downs, but all-in-all I'm doing very well. I've decided that the really hard part of this surgery is not the surgery itself, it's learning to live with it afterwards. When a person has kept food as a source of comfort and become so attached to it that it is really an extension of themselves, it's extremely difficult to give that up cold-turkey. I'm making progress, though, and feeling a little better (and coping a little better) every day. When I went for my two-week follow up I had lost 20lbs! Some days I think I can see it and others I feel like I can't. My family tells me it is noticiable in my face and in my hips and waist. My pants are definately looser! All my pants were very, should we say, "snug," before surgery. They all just fit me now, and it feels good to put them on and not be squeezed. For the first week I was home, I felt like I wasn't loosing any weight and the food I was eating was so yucky. It was very depressing and I was in a bad mood almost all of the time. I think it was driving my husband nuts. It's very hard to know that you have to eat pureed food for the next two months of your life. I bounced back physically very quickly. I'm walking about 1.5 miles a day now, and I've gone shopping and have normal energy. I haven't had any pain (or pain medicine) in well over a week. I guess because of all this I just felt ready to eat again. I've decided that a lot of what some people write in their profiles is a load of crap. Sure, maybe some people lose 40+ lbs in the first month, but I don't think it's typical. (I have also decided that those people sit around and eat nothing but jello and baby food so that they get dehydrated and their body consumes muscle. As we all know, muscle weighs more than fat, so it would be possible to lose more weigh quickly. I've been cramming every gram of protien into my mouth I can manage so the weight I'm losing is fat, baby.) I also don't believe those people who have said that they're not hungry after surgery. BS! I haven't experienced any nausea and when I don't eat, I get hungry! Of course it's not the stomach growling hunger like before surgery, but I feel hunger in my stomach (not just in my head) and then end up eating too quickly and getting that terrible stuck or pressure feeling in my throat. It's like your food is stuck in your chest or something -- very, very uncomfortable. On another topic, I finally ventured out to the grocery store again with my husband yesterday. I hadn't gone before because I thought it would upset me to be around all the food I couldn't have. Anyway, I discovered several new things that I CAN eat, and I am very excited. The first was some Progresso soups. They are ready to eat (no water) and a 1/2 can of some of them has about 10gs of protien! Split up over two meals that is 20gs! Yay! They are a little high in sodium, but I was told not to worry so much about sodium right now. The other one was a find of my husband, and it is SO GOOD. Carb Countdown Yogurt! Only 1.5gs if fat and 80 calories but it has 12 GRAMS of protien! I have been adding two tablespoons of wheat germ to it for some texture and that makes it 16gs of protien for one little serving! How awesome is that? It is a perfect breakfast or snack. They're a little exspensive, but hell, so are whey powder and Isopure, and these sure taste a lot better. If I eat the yogurt for breakfast and have a little glass of milk to take my pills, I've gotten in 1/4 of my daily protien and a lot of added calcium. Yay for yogurt! Oh, and the flavor(s) and consistency is really, really good, too! So far I've had banana/strawberry and blueberry. As Rachel Ray would say, Yum-o. Well, I suppose that's all from me for now. I'll check in again when I have more to say! Ciao for now! 8/10/2005 Ok, Ok, I have been bad about not updating my profile. I swore (like so many others) that I would not do this, but I just haven't had the time or patience to sit down and do it. No time like the present I suppose! The past three weeks have been good and bad. Around the end of my third week I started having problems with sinus drainage. I have tried Claratin, but that didn't help. I have now switched to Allegra D. I'm hoping this helps because the throwing up has been really gross and not fun at all. I think what happens is that my pouch fills up with mucus (yes, yuck, I know) and then when I try to eat, the food has no where to go. I start throwing up the mucus, but my stomach won't stop spasming until everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, is out. Sometimes this goes on, off and on, for 5 or 6 hours. One night my husband called my doctor because I hadn't had 16 oz of water that day and I couldn't even keep down hot tea (supposed to break up the mucus). My doctor gave me two hours to get 16 more oz down or go to the ER. I got it down. Man, I do NOT want to go back to the hospital. My friend Lauren had to go in for dehydration and I have been so scared since then that I would have to as well. Since I've been sick, I haven't been exercising like I should. I have been afraid of getting all sweaty and then not being able to drink. I've had almost no appetite. I think I get hungry, but when I look at the choices I have to eat, I think, nah, I'm not that hungry, and I just drink some Isopure. Yesterday I had 5 bites of chicken soup and some Isopure. If the before-surgery me had eaten that, I would have been in fits for something, but I really just don't feel like eating anymore. I think it is still related to the sinus drainage problem. If it's not better in a couple of days, I'm going to call my doctor back. He also told Jason that the pouch can form scar tissue and make it tighten and get smaller after about a month. I might possibly have to get my pouch stretched! I don't want to, but I can't eat as much right now as I was eating the week after surgery. On a better note, I have lost at least 35 pounds. Since my official weight the day of surgery is still in question (my scales said 295, the hospital scales said 286, so I'm using 290 as an in between point), I don't know what the official weight is. My BMI is below 40, which means I am no longer morbidly obese! Yay! I'm only severely obese! Ha, ha. My clothes are all falling off but I can't seem to wear the next size in some brands yet. Yesterday I did wear a size 14 shirt that I had worn on spring break in the Bahamas when I was 19, though. I also fit into the dress I had on in my college freshman class picture (size 20, Clifford and Wills)-- that was August of 1999!!! None of my good dress clothes fit anymore. I am thinking about trying to sell some of the nice ones on Ebay before I take them to consignment. At least on Ebay I can set a reserve. I hate not having control over what kind of price they put on my clothes at the consignment store. I have a beautiful suit from Casual Corner that I have never worn ($200) that is waaaaaaay too big now. I can't believe what a difference 35 pounds makes. I'm having a baby shower for my cousin next weekend and the outfit I had planned to wear is already too big. I don't know what I'm going to wear! I hate to keep buying clothes only to have them keep falling off! However, I am hoping to have lost at least 50 when I go for my 8 week checkup. That's in a little less than 4 weeks. Surely I can do it! My incisions have all healed really well. They are so tiny! I thought they would be bigger! Right now they are just little hard, red lines on my stomach. I don't know if they'll ever get lighter. My family and I have a tendency to have kelloid scars. I have been considering having them tattooed once all the weight is gone. It's just something I'll keep in the back of my mind for now. I got all my hair cut off yesterday. Ok, well, not ALL of it, but a lot. I will try to take a post some pictures of me later today or tonight (I am getting on it!) It is shorter than it has been since I was about 19 or 20. When I got engaged (19) I started letting it grow so I could have the wedding up-do. I think the new do is cute. My husband says I look like I'm 19 again, which I guess is a good thing since I'll be 25 in less than 7 months. I know I have been going through my early mid-life crisis since last year. I have been feeling old and nostalgic and sad for the past anytime I think about it. However, I think the age that will really hit me hard is 30. I'll be almost 30 when I gradute from law school (AGH!) I think my husband and I have decided to wait until we are both out of law school to have any (planned) children. We are actually both strongly considering forgoing pregnancy and adopting from Central America. Yet another thing to keep in the back of my mind for now. I am so excited, my husband, brother, and I are going to see Green Day (again!) on Monday night in Nashville. We saw them last fall in Atlanta. It is so cool to see my favorite band twice in one year! I am totally pumped. We're in the pit, and even though my husband keeps telling me that I can't jump around, I know I will anyway :P Well, that will be all from me for now. I know several people have been keeping up with my journaling, so please keep e-mailing me if you have any questions or need me to explain anything in more detail. I'll try to post some new pictures tonight! Ciao, Marian Ok, here's the pictures I promised     Ok, this entry is not going to be about me. I'm fine. However, the people of New Orleans, southern Louisiana and Mississippi aren't. I am shocked. I am apphauled. I am extremely saddened. I am angry. I'm all of these things because our own government has let those poor people suffer and die for no good reason. I've been embarassed to be American for a long time as a citizen of the world. However, now I'm just disgusted and ashamed. I remember September 11 like it was yesterday. I stayed up for days watching television because Jason was overseas in the Army at the time and I knew what kind of ramifications it would have on him and us. I remember seeing the response. After the initial shock, there were emergency management officials, policemen, firefighters, rescue workers, volunteers of every level digging through that burning rubble trying to find the dead and injured. Where was this response in New Orleans? It did not exist. Why did it not exist? Because the majority of people who needed help most were poor and/or black. Bottom line. This is a national disgrace. A national security report written just prior to Sept. 11 indicated that the three biggest threat to the US were a terror attack in NYC, an earthquake in San Francisco, or a massive hurricane hitting New Orleans. Looks like we've just ignored it all the way around, huh? In 2004, Bush made cuts to the federal budget to help support our ongoing "war." He made the biggest cuts in history to the Army Corps of Engineers budget to maintain and repair the sinking levees in the city of New Orleans. In June of last year, the director of the Corps went before a local agency to BEG for a small $2 million to keep the levees from failing. Our government couldn't come up with $2 million? What I want to know now is if our government is going to pay indemnities to the families of the people who died in New Orleans (just as they did in Sept. 11) for the government's utter failure to protect them from a disaster they KNEW could happen. We've spent over $200 billion on the "war" in Iraq and Afghanistan. They're estimating that it will take over $100 billion to rebuild New Orleans. Where is the money going to come from, folks? We're in the worst debt in our nation's history! That $200 billion was not money we had in the bank, it was money we borrowed against ourselves. We have stretched ourselves so thin that we don't even have the national guard troops to send in to help these people. They're all in Iraq! Of the over 3,000 MS national guardsmen, only 800 are home right now. I heard this from a MS congressman himself. Tell me where being a "NATIONAL GUARD" fits in to fighting an INTERNATIONAL WAR!!!!! The people who are members of the national guard join it and do so because they want to help the people of the United States. All of our resources, money, and manpower has been sent to Iraq. They cost of building supplies is at an all-time high in this country due to the need for rebuilding Iraq (conincidentally, Iraq didn't need to be rebuilt before the US bombed it to smitherines). Where are the building supplies going to come from to rebuild a city that has been in existence for more than 400 years!??? New Orleans is a national treasure, and I fear that parts of it will lay in ruin for years to come. Particularly those parts where the poor lived. Who will rebuild their homes? Definately not any home insurance. There are people who have pointed to the looting going on in New Orleans as a reason they don't deserve help. There are even religious fundamentalists who have said that this is New Orleans' fate for being a city of "sin." No, this is what happens when an entire race in the population is kept in extreme poverty and hopelessness for over 140 years. Anarchy is what comes of a society disrupted by disaster where a majority of the urban population is destitute and has nothing to lose. What did they expect? I can tell you that I think the response would have been much different if the hurricane had hit East Hampton, NY. I spent part of my honeymoon in New Orleans. It is a city full of life, rich in culture and heritage. I hope that is not forever lost. I cannot fathom the buildings wrecked, dead bodies in the streets, writhing crowds in desperate need of food and water in a city so beautiful with so much to give. This is the United States, and our people are dying in conditions not unlike those in a third world country. New Orleans has turned into Port-au-Prince. Shame on us. But moreso, Shame on President Bush and his cabinet level officers (namely FEMA), who could have prevented this trajedy. I hope the dead of New Orleans (and Iraq and Afghanistan for that matter) haunt them the rest of their days. But then again, people without conscience are not disturbed by the destruction they create. Let us mourn for New Orleans and those who have died or lost a loved one. But let us demand answers and accountability from an administration that has not only failed those in New Orleans, but the entire world. I go in for my 8 week chechup tomorrow-- even though it's really been 9 weeks. I think I have lost 45 pounds. I KNOW I have lost 49 3/4 inches. That is crazy. More inches gone than pounds! I can't believe I take up 4 feet less space. More later, Marian Ok, so I went for my 8 week checkup and I'm doing well (all except I'm not eating any carbohydrates or getting any iron or B-12). Easily fixed. I'm going for a B-12 shot today, getting some iron supplements, and I'm going to TRY to start eating more. HA! Anyway, I took my two month pictures today. I've lost 45 lbs and 49 3/4". DAMN, I have lost 4 FEET! Here's me with weightloss surgery new haircut #2 (hair is thinning a little, so had to get it shorter).     WOW! I had a first EVER IN MY WHOLE LIFE yesterday! I went to Old Navy (yes, I know, I buy all my clothes there, but they are cheap and I am always broke :) ) Anyway, I tried on a 20W and they were too big in the waist. My mom suggested that I try on a regular size 20. I didn't think they would fit because, well, I just didn't see how I could squeeze my big butt into them. I took a pair back to the dressing room anyway. Surprise! They fit. They are snug, but I can still wear them. I think they'll just get looser. I am honestly still in shock. I held them up to my husbands pants last night and they are only about 1" bigger in the waist than his pants. He is wearing a 36" waist right now. Holy crap! I've never (and I am totally honest here) bought a pair of regular size misses pants in a store off the shelf in my entire LIFE. I'm also wearing a size XL in Old Navy knit sweaters. Whoa. Major reality check. In other good news, I think I've finally come off my month+ plateau. I've dropped about 5-6 pounds in the past week. That was more than I lost in about the past 5 weeks all together. I'm just going to hope the scale keeps moving a little so that I can get to my goal of >200 by the end of the year. I'm still not sure that will happen, but I have to HOPE! I'm eating more and feeling a little better all the time. I hope the B-12 shot has helped, along with my increased food intake. I do notice though that during days when I'm losing weight, I feel very tired and fatigued. Hm, not sure if there is a correlation or if its just me. Well, I'm off for now. I'm going to go ogle at my size 20 butt in the mirror. Haha. Ciao, Marian October 17, 2005 Well, here's a quick update on me. I don't update very often, and I'm sorry for that. Like others, since I'm no longer morbidly obese, I spend much less time in front of the computer and a lot more time out doing things and enjoying life. Anyway, my weight loss is going really well. I'm finally happy and accepting things as they are. I don't lose weight quickly, and I think it's terrible to go into this surgery having specific expectations of how much weight you will lose and how quickly you will lose it. You will be sure to disappoint yourself if you go in with that mindset. Anyway, as of today I've lost 64 pounds that I will never have on my body again. My health (both mental and physical) are so much better than they've been in a long, long time. I feel GOOD, which is something that I didn't think I would be able to say this time last year. On another note, we finally got to see Green Day again!!! The concert that was scheduled in August was postponed due to an illness in the band. We saw them last night in Nashville in a packed arena. The concert started at 7, and since we had floor tickets, we got there at about noon. We were some of the first people in the door and got a spot right in front of the stage! Billie Joe reached out a grabbed my hand, gave me a smile and a wink while he was in the middle of Jesus of Suburbia. I thought I was going to DIE!!!! I didn't wash my hands until this morning :P Jason also got to shake his hand and Mike Dirnt's! The crowd was absolutely going nuts. We were crushed against the stage barricade, kicked in the head by crowd surfers, and got in two fights with people around us! We're black and blue all over today, and can barely move, but OMG! It was so much fun! I was proud of my fellow Tennesseans for the first time in a LONG time. As BJ said, we "fuckin' rocked!" GD played for 3 hours and this show was SO MUCH BETTER than the show we saw in Atlanta last fall. The band and the crowd were much more into it. It was the best night of my life. At least, I'll rank it right up there with hiking the Appalachian Trail and getting married! I'll never miss another GD concert as long as I live. That band and punk rock in general have changed my life in ways nothing else ever could. Not even surgery. It's made me realize that I lived in a fake, plastic world for so many years. All my beliefs were things that I was taught or things that I heard from other people. I lived following the crowd and not making my own path. Those years I can't get back, but I sure as hell can make the ones I've got left count. Here's a Green Day song to think about: She, she screams in silence, a sullen riot penetrating through her mind. Waiting, for a sign, to smash the silence with the brick of self-control. Are you locked up in a world that's been planned out for you? Are you feeling like a social tool without a use? Scream at me until my ears bleed, I'm taking heed just for you. She, she's figured out, all her doubts were someone else's point of view. Waiting, until it's time, to smash the silence with the brick of self-control. Are you locked up in a world that's been planned out for you? Are you feeling like a social tool without a use? Scream at me until my ears bleed, I'm taking heed just for you.    This is not the best picture to show it, but Jason has lost 40 pounds, too (on his own!)  We've been having serious talks about moving to San Francisco. Random! I know. But, we're unhappy in TN. I think we're what most Tennesseans would call "freaks" (we're liberal). Anyway, I feel like I need to go somewhere to be with my people (ha). This song explains how I feel right now. Every night I dream the same dream I'm getting older and older all the time. I ask you now, what does this mean? Are these problems just in my mind? Things are easy when you're a child, But now these pressures have dropped on my head. The length I've gone are just long miles, Would they be shorter if I were dead? Every time I look in my past, I always wish I was there. I wish my youth would forever last. Why are these times so unfair? Look at my friends and see what they've done, Ask myself why they had to change. I liked them better when they were young. Now all these times are rearranged. I look down and stand there and cry. Nothing ever will be the same. The sun is rising, now I ask why? The clouds now fall and here comes the rain. November 12, 2005 Well I just entered my weightloss for the month. I've been on a plateau for almost the entire month. I just started losing again 2 days ago. I've noticed that I have hit my two plateaus at weights that I was at for extended periods of time in the past. My first was at 250 -- what I weighed for 2-3 years in college. This one was at 225 -- what I weighed for 4-5 years in high school. It's frustrating to wake up and weigh the same thing day after day when you know you're eating right and doing everything you're supposed to do. However, I know that plateaus are just part of it, and I have to keep reminding myself that I look good (at least much better than I looked this time last year). It looks like I will miss my goal of under 200 by Christmas (stupid pleateau!), but maybe I'll make it to 210 if things keep going smoothly. We're going to Gatlinburg for our three year anniversary the day after Christmas and then flying out to San Francisco to take a look around the first week of January. I'm really excited about both trips. I'm finally getting my tattoo while we're in Gatlinburg. I've got an appointment with a studio in Pigeon Forge. I'll post a picture of it when it's done. Jason is playing in a punk band in Murfreesboro now. They're getting ready to record an album, which should be exciting. I can't wait to see them play a show. Well, that's all from me for now. I'll keep you posted :) Weeeeeeee! 4 month pictures! Yes, I have moved to the dark side (according to my mom). My hair is now brown (and not blonde) for the first time in my life.     December 14, 2005 The post that I had here was not positive and I just deleted it. I wrote it when I was really down and feeling bad. Basically I've been really frustrated with my now two-month long plateau. I went to my surgeon's office yesterday and talked to everyone there (surgeon, nurse, nutritionist). I also took a detailed list of everything I've been eating with me. They assured me that I'm not doing anything wrong and that this just happens sometimes. No one really understand metabolism very well. To my surprise when I woke up this morning I was two pounds lighter than yesterday. I'm not going to get excited about it, because every time I do, I end up staying the same weight for another 3 or 4 weeks. I'll just sum up my plateau with a big DAMNIT TO HELL (jumping up and down and stomping)!!! I decided to make myself feel better that I would post my pre-op measurements with my five month measurements. I have lost a total of 81.5 inches! I'm wearing size 18 regular pants and XL misses tops now. (Before surgery I was size 24W (pretty tight) and 2X (women's) tops. Pre-Op Measurements --------------5 Month Measurements Left Arm Upper: 17" -------------- 13 7/8" Left Forearm: 11 7/8" --------------10 1/4" Left Wrist: 7 1/2" ----------------- 6 3/8" Right Arm Upper: 17" --------------- 14" Right forearm: 12 1/2" --------------11" Right Wrist: 7 1/2" ------------------ 6 1/2" Neck: 15 7/8" ---------------------- 13 1/2" Bust: 47 1/2" ----------------------41" Below bust: 45" -------------------- 39 1/2" Natural Waist: 43 1/2"----------------36 1/2" Around Belly Button: 54" -------------41 1/2" **13 inch loss!** Hips: 58" ----------------------------48" **10 inch loss!** Left thigh: 35 6/8"--------------------27 1/2" Left knee: 17 2/8" -------------------15 1/2" Left Calf: 18"-------------------------15 3/4" Left Ankle: 9 7/8"---------------------9" Right thigh: 34 1/8" -----------------25 3/4" Right knee: 18 6/8"------------------14 3/4" Right calf: 17 6/8" ------------------15 1/2" Right ankle: 9 6/8"------------------ 9" me and Jason at Ober Gatlinburg  here we are at the park  me sitting on the fireplace of our cabin  me at the skating rink  a pretty frozen waterfall  Jason in front of the river he almost fell into  Jason at the state line  Losing my ink virginity!  I'll post a better pic of my tattoo when it's healed. February 28, 2006 Happy Mardi Gras! Laissez les bon temps roulet! Ah, who am I kidding? I have been having a terrible time lately. Basically, I stopped losing weight in the fall. Sure, I've lost a few pounds here and there, but my weight loss really virtually stopped when I was 4 months out (for no apparent reason). Yes, I have tried every possible means to get the ball rolling again (more than most, I would be willing to wager), but nothing works. I finally got to talk to my doctor (who I am extremely dissatisfied with, and whom I will never recommend to another person). He ordered an upper GI (which showed nothing) and never called me back. He told me that if there wasn't something wrong (like a fistula), then I had reached my metabolic limit -- that the surgery would no longer help me lose weight. Well, you can just image how that feels -- not only did I spend about $30,000 from my inheritence, but I also went through a lot of pain and agony (both mental and physical). It really pisses me off when I think about it, but what can I do? To look at things more positively -- I've lost at least 100 pounds since my highest weight (which I believe was around 310 or so -- my scale only went to 300 back then). I'm now weighing in around 205-204. I've also lost 95 inches all over my body. I bought a dress in a size 14 from Banana Republic to wear to Jason's graduation. I also bought a size 14 skirt from Old Navy a couple of weeks ago. My pants, however, are still size 18, due to my large hips and thighs. The pants are too big in the waist and I usually have to wear a belt to keep them up. I can also wear a size L or XL in tops (or a size 14 or 16). Lane Bryant clothes are completely too big for me now (except panties). I tried on several things in there when I was looking for a Valentine's Day outfit and they were all too big. I guess that's a pretty good feeling. I know I could feel a lot better about it if I could get past the fact that I will not reach my personal weight goal. Tomorrow is yet another milestone as well. I'm having brachioplasty (arm lift) and breast augmentation tomorrow morning at 7:30 am. I had a couple of plastic surgery consultations (with different doctors) and found out that I have about 15-20 pounds of skin hanging off of me. I'm having the "easy" surgeries done now, while I'm in school, and I'll probably have either a tummy tuck or lower body lift this summer when we get back from Mexico. I'm scared about my surgeries tomorrow. This will only be the second time (first was my WLS) that I've been put to sleep. I'm also scared about the pain. There's no morphine pump involved this time (like I had in the hospital before). I've got a prescription for percocet and a hope and a prayer that I'll come out alright. My doctor told me that she might have to put drains in my arms (damnit), but I suppose she knows best -- if she puts them there, then that means I need them. Anyway, that is my brief update. I'm going to try to remember to get Jason to take some pictures of me tonight when I get home from school. Well, I suppose that's all for now. I'll try to update again when I've recovered some. Adieu! March 20, 2006 Well, I survived my plastic surgery. It was hard. Much harder than the gastric bypass surgery. The pain was horrible. The drains were worse. I'm doing much better now, but I've changed my mind about having my tummy tuck this summer. I think I'm going to wait. Of course I could always change my mind again, but Jason and I have decided it would be wisest to wait until (or if) we have children. If the skin gets so bad I can't stand it, I'll have the surgery, but if not, I'm going to wait. Hey, at least I have boobs now! I've gone from less than an A to a D cup! Yay for me! I'll try to get some pictures up on here sometime soon. I suppose I have lost some weight, but it doesn't really show on the scale because of my implants. I'm weighing the same thing I weighed before my surgery. So, I'm just *guessing* that I've lost 3-4 pounds this month. In total, I have over 1000 ccs of silicone (yep, I got silicone). If I figure out a way to know how much slicone weighs, then I'll know how much weight I've lost. On another note (of which I seemingly always have), I've decided to list things that I hate relating to weight loss surgery. Yes, I hate things about this surgery. I've been angry lately. This is my vent. Just keep on clicking right past my page if you don't like it. If you can't understand this, I don't want you here anyway. Things I hate: 1. Disappointment. 2. My doctor and his uncaring attitude after he pocketed my check -- and his flawless reputation in this area for being an outstanding surgeon. 3. My weight loss stopping --- and it not being my own fault. 4. Myself for wanting it to be my fault so I have someone to blame. 5. People on this website for judging me -- by telling me or just thinking to themselves that it's my fault that I've stopped losing weight. You know who you are. And don't go sending me stupid little "tricks" to get weightloss going again. Those don't work for me, and they're unhealthy for you. Go ahead and kill yourself with chicken bullion and yogurt, don't try to take me down with you. 6. My family when they look at me funny when I eat. 7. Disappointment. 8. Any size above 14. 9. Any weight above 200. 10. Disappointment. 11. Crying and not knowing why. 12. Disappointment. March 26, 2006 So, here are some pictures from my recent surgery. I'm not going to post the graphic incision pics -- they are pretty grody. I put on the same t-shirt so the change is more obvious. Anyway, there's obviously a huge difference. I finally figured out that my implants weigh about 3 pounds, so I guess (sans implants) I should weigh right at 200 right now. In this first set I look pretty dissheveled. It was almost midnight and I had just gotten home from school (Feb. 28, the night before surgery).  Yes, my breastbone actually stuck out further than my breast (I'm not wearing a padded bra like I usually do in this pic).    Always ready to rock and roll!  I've gone from 38 A to 38 D.   Me and my sweetie at a bonfire in our field. I love him.  April 18, 2006 Woooooooooooooooooooww. Well, I have some big news! I'm pregnant! Holy crap! We were not expecting or planning this, but now that the shock is wearing off, I'm getting excited! I've already made a baby registry on potterybarnkids and Target! From my best guess (and I mean, it is a GUESS), I'm about 5 weeks right now. I will know for sure when I go for an ultrasound on May 10. I haven't told anyone except my parents, brother, and grandmother yet. My husband also told his dad and sister. I don't know when I will tell my friends. I'm very torn about it right now. I had a miscarriage about three years ago, but I think it was due to high blood sugar. I want to go tell everyone, but then again, I'm afraid of what happened last time. I'm trying to be positive right now and tell my self that everything will be ok. I just hope I didn't get pregnant sometime immediately following my plastic surgery (when I was on tons of pain meds). I think we conceived sometime around the last week in March or the first week in April. Then again, that's a "I think." I am standing on my head until I get to go to the OB! I did see my PCP yesterday and he took blood to check my all my nutrient levels. I should have those results sometime this week. Oh God, I just want everything to be ok. I'm not worried about making this work, I know we can do that (even if we are both in law school). I just want the baby and myself to be healthy!!! From the due date calculator I used online, the baby should be due the week of Christmas! Aw, a little early gift from Santa! As of right now, we've decided not to find out the sex. It'll be a surprize to everyone, including us! Whew, this is dizzying. More later...  June 23, 2006 I'm writing now from San Miguel de Allende, GTO, Mexico. Jason and I have been here for three weeks with two more to go. He's studying Spanish at the Instituto de Allende and I'm just hanging on and taking a rest. I need rest from the pregnancy! Everything is going really well thus far. I got SO SO SO SO SO (there aren't enough SOs in the world to describe it) SICK with pregnancy sickness around 6 weeks. I stayed super sick until about week 12 or 13. I wasn't able to eat much of anything and have lost about 10 pounds. I'm eating more now and hoping to keep from losing any more weight. Now I just find myself to be very fatigued all the time -- especially at this high altitude (we're at nearly 7,000 feet here). I've been very careful about what I eat and drink and haven't had any problems so far. I'm starting to have cravings and weird hormones. This morning I decided that I NEEDED some tater tots with ketchup (now, where are you going to find those in the boonies of Mexico?). Then I started crying -- and I don't know why. Then I made a list of all the foods I'm going to eat when I get back home -- weird stuff from tater tots to Captain D's chicken to beef stew. I am having some WEIRD cravings! We had an ultrasound at 8 weeks that confirmed the due date of December 13. We got to see the little peanut and see its heartbeat and everything. Then at 12 weeks we heard the heartbeat! I think Jason wanted the doctor to keep the stethoscope on my belly all afternoon he was so excited. Speaking of bellies, I'm starting to show a little. However, due to my extra skin, I feel like I just look fat again. I'm scheduled for another appointment as soon as we get back (I'll be almost 18 weeks) and then shortly after that, we have the 20 week ultrasound. We're still settled on not finding out the sex. There are times when I wish I knew, but I think overall that I want it to be a surprise. Well, we're off to go shopping and then to dinner. More later! Here's a couple of pics. Me walking up Calle Jesus.    August 16, 2006 Well, loooooooooooooong time, no update. So, we came back from Mexico about a week earlier than planned because the altitude was really starting to get to me. Since we were at almost 7,000 feet elevation, I was having a hard time breathing (being pregnant and all) and just staying very tired in general. I was also unable to stop losing weight, which we became somewhat worried about. I was eating, but it was difficult to find the right kinds of foods. We were also walking around 5 miles a day (at 7,000 feet) which burned off everything I managed to eat and then some. Anyway, when we got home, I started pigging out because I'd just spent a month being very very HUNGRY. I'm gaining weight slowly now. Not too much, around 5 pounds so far, but that's good because I am almost 6 months pregnant!!! Gaining weight is a real mindfuck, though. It's been really difficult to see the scale go up and not down for the first time in a year. I have been spazzing about it on and off. My husband swears to me that I don't look any bigger, but I'm skeptical. I feel like a moose. My tummy is definitely showing now, but, according to my husband, I just look pregnant, and not fat. I dunno...... I just have to keep telling myself that it's ok and that I'll be able to lose it once the baby is born. God, where has the time gone? When I found out I was pregnant in April, December seemed so far away. Now it seems like it's right around the corner! SCARY! We're starting childbirth classes this weekend. It's a little early, but we felt like we needed to get them out of the way before we both start back to law school next week. Yikes, this year is going to be really, really difficult in school. I found out yesterday that one of my midterms is scheduled for my due date. BIG SIGH. I don't know how I'm going to manage this, but I guess I will......somehow. Here's some pics of my 20 week ultrasound. We don't know the sex of the baby -- we're going to get a surprize!!! Here's a profile:  And the baby's face:  And a tiny foot:  October 13, 2006 So, here I am, almost 8 months pregnant. It's so weird. Some days it feels real and other days it isn't. I'm scared. I'm scared of childbirth and pain and parenting -- of pretty much everything. Some days I question whether I can do this or not. This isn't exactly something that you can "mess up" and then fix again. School is very, very stressful right now. I try to remain calm about tests and whatnot, but it's almost impossible. I'm not a spaz about grades, I just don't want to fail -- and I need to learn the material so I can pass the bar. When I stand on my feet too much I get contractions, so I've been trying to take it easy. However, my "nesting" instinct has been kicking in and I feel like I have to mop the floors 24/7. Anyway, we had another ultrasound a couple of weeks ago because the baby hadn't been moving much. It was fine, just in a funny position. However, we found out that it weighs about 4 pounds already! Yikes. It's gonna be big. I always suspected that it would be big because Jason and I were both large babies, but I guess I was hoping for some kind of divine intervention. No such luck. 4 pounds now and I've still got a little over 8 weeks to go. Well, I guess that is all for now. I stay tired and in pain (my back and legs) almost all the time now. I'm to that stage where nothing feels comfortable and I am fairly miserable. Here's a picture of me taken about 3-4 weeks ago. I'm a little teapot.....  September 27, 2007 Wow! Sorry it's been a reeeeeeeeeeeally long time since I've posted! Almost a year! Well, to make a year-long story short: My husband and I welcomed our little girl (yay! a girl!) Adie (pronounced like "80") on December 6th, 2006 via emergency c-section. Her proper name is Frances Adeline (named after my grandmother), and she weighed 7 lbs, 7.5 ozs. and was 19 inches long. Boy, she didn't waste any time growing! Now, at 9 1/2 months, she weighs 22 lbs, and is 30.5" long. She's a big girl! She's starting to cruise and it won't be long before she's walking. I can't believe it. The time goes by so fast. We're already talking about having another one! On the topic of weightloss....I am hanging on to 7 stubborn pounds of babyweight. But I plan to lose those and more soon. I had my RMR and body fat % tested today and that gave me a very good idea of how much I should be eating an exercising. Jason has lost 30 pounds since March this way, and I know I can, too! Here are some pictures of my little one: 1 day old   Just home from the hospital  At about three months old -- wearing the first outfit I made for her.  My sweet little girl and her sweet daddy  Drooling over the Easter Bunny  Teething. Nothing more to say about that.  My first Mother's Day  At a wedding in May  My little girl  Destin, FL August, 2007    9-month portraits   
   The tattoo I got in honor of my baby girl  Music Video Codes by VideoCure.com I've been waiting a long time for this moment to come I'm destined for anything at all downtown lights will be shining on me like a new diamond ring out under the midnight hour well no one can touch me now I'm gone, can't turn my back it's too late ready or not at all well I'm so much closer than I have ever known wake up dawning of a new era calling don't let it catch you falling ready or not at all oh so close enough to taste it almost I can embrace this feeling on the tip of my tounge well I'm so much closer than I have ever known wake up better thank your lucky stars well I'm so much closer than I have ever known wake up better thank your lucky stars I've been waiting a lifetime for this moment to come I'm dstined for anything at all dumbstruck colour me stupid your luck you're gonna need it where I'm going if I get there at all wake up better thank your lucky stars   You're Betty Grable! What Classic Pin-Up Are You? brought to you by Quizilla  You are a Folkie. Good for you. What kind of Sixties Person are you? brought to you by Quizilla
Name Acronym Generator From Go-Quiz.com  Photos
Member Interests: Click here to see interests of other ObesityHelp members. Surgeon Info: Surgeon: John D. Husted, M.D. Insurer Info: no insurance | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
