Oh, Dawn. I just read your post. I am not here a whole lot, but when I think of the Illinois board, you are the person I think of the most. I have always admired your courage and positive attitude. Today is no different. Thank you for putting it out there. You are clearly not alone and I am sure your candor helped a lot of people.

Lots of people talk about "cross addictions" after WLS, from alcohol to shopping to sex to drugs. I have seen plenty of people screw up their families and lives because they could not jump into food again for escape. (Hell, I used to escape to White Castle, McDonald's, Taco Bell and other places several times a week just to feel better! Now, five years after my DS, I still go to those places, but way less often. I am glad that self-soothing behavior is still available to me, but I wonder what life would be like if I could control it though some clever "mind over matter" thing?)

My dad was a sweet, bumbling alcoholic, but an alcoholic nonetheless. I maybe have about 1 drink a month as a consequence. It's a slippery slope that I try to stay away from. I will always be afraid. Just one or two sips and I am giggly drunk. That euphoria lasts just a few minutes though, so it loses its thrill for me. If I go past one drink in a quick timeframe, I am drunk for a good half hour or more and don't like it. 

I am glad you are seeking help. I think the key to healing will come as you figure out what you may be trying to escape from in your life (childhood issues, insecurity, fear, abuse, disappointment, change, middle age--lots to things to escape from in this world!), first with food and then with alcohol. I highly recommend therapy, if you are not already going. It can really help you take time to focus on YOU, which is hard when you're a busy mom. I am still a work in progress and I still long to escape lots of times. But therapy helps me stay centered and in the "now."  The solutions to my problems are not at the store, or in a bottle or someone else's bed. They are in me.

I wish you all the luck, strength and courage in the world.

Nicolle

 

Crystal, I have been away from the boards for a while. I love your "new" picture--looking great!

I'm so sorry about your job loss! I will send good thoughts your way, but I will not worry about you--you are already proving your mettle by going out and aggressively looking for a new job. You will find something worthy of your talents soon. Your cost-cutting idea is smart! In the meantime, be sure and eat regularly, even if you are not "hungry." Your body still needs energy. Your metabolism will take the lack of food as a signal that you are starving and will hold onto every calorie you put into your mouth and you will at best, stall, and at worst, regain a bit. Take care of yourself!

Have a good day, everyone!

Nicolle

This may not be a popular opinion, BUT I would never use a WLS card at any restaurant. When I was 344 pounds and ate everything in sight on the buffet table (enough for at least 2 normal women), I did not have to pay EXTRA, so I figure the universe is finding its balance now. It's fair. Now I just order regular food, eat what I want, and take home what I want from the leftovers.

Nicolle

Paul, a good guy who often "pays it forward" in our Chicago DS support group, was just featured in this great "Today Show" blog on his struggle to get insurance to pay for his facial plastic surgery after massive weight loss. He gave me his permission to post this story on OH.

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/45590135/ns/today-today_health /

His 240-pound weight loss has been incredible and life-changing, but the excess skin on his face and neck is negatively affecting his daily living AND his careeer. He hopes that his ongoing war with the insurance company will help others who will come later down this same path, maybe even YOU:

If you are struggling with this issue, fight your insurance company. Only a few years ago, body reconstructive surgery was not as covered as it is today. Things can change!

BTW, if anyone has any advice on fighting the insurance company, he'll take it. Send me a PM and I will get the message to him.

All the best,

Nicolle

Sounds smart of you. Look on the bright side, at least he still knew to show up for work. He is not completely out of touch with what's right. Be strong!

Nicolle

Boy, I took a trip down Memory Lane and found my original post! Here it is:

Topic: If you like bacon--lots of R.O.D. here! (LONG)

(I now use regular bacon, not Canadian bacon for the recipe--that's our favorite.)

Nicolle

Aaargh...I suspect the Oregon woman had Clifford Deveney, MD do her DS. He is no longer on the vetted DS surgeon list at www.dsfacts.com list because many of his patients had the same complaints/results that she did. That is unfortunate.

Thanks for posting this article, nonetheless.
 
Nicolle

Thanks, Christine. It's been tough. She was only 40--a brain aneurysm took her. Simply awful.

I have to keep telling myself to "get a grip." My kid is not the first kid in the world to ride a bus. And he says he loves it.  I think back to my schooling and I did spend a lot of time on the bus, too. It was sort of fun.

It's just the "Mommy Guilt" kicking in. I have to keep that in check!

Thanks!

Nicolle

A quick fly-by for me here. I am doing well, though stressed to the max over some issues. A friend of mine died a month ago and we are dealing with the aftermath of that, from stalking grandparents to Orders of Protection to bus schedules to coordinating care for her three young children so that her hubby can work.

My kids are in school and doing well. But if anyone has been following the Chicago teachers union business on the news, my 5-year old son goes to one of the schools that voted to go against the union and have longer days. So starting next week, my little peanut is on the bus at like 7 a.m. and  home at almost 5:00 p.m. We are doing some serious soul-searching on this decision. It's a great school and he loves it and the bus, but it's tough for a mommy to take!

My weight and health are good. Still in love with and grateful for my DS. I am grateful for the much-needed energy. Heck, I love that I can fall out of bed, stumble in the shower and then pull on anything in my closet and know it will still fit. That saves me one irritating problem each day.

Hope all of you are doing well. I do try and swing by here, usually late in the day, to read up on what you all are doing. Take care!

Nicolle 

Well, technically, I have the sleeve, as it is part of the duodenal switch.

I'll just give you something to think about...I can tell you that the restriction for me was great for the first two years and now, 3.5 years out, I can eat a fair amount, as the sleeve can stretch out a bit and you heal. The thing that is I have the malabsorption of the DS to back this up. That's been a godsend.

You may want to ask this on the VSG forum...

Best of luck to you!

Nicolle

Good to hear an update. I did not post when I saw your post, but I sent good vibes downstate for him. So, even if all of us did not post, we did think of your poor baby and wished him well. Glad he is getting medical care. He'll be home soon!

Nicolle

I started a new job back in February. No one here knew I was ever heavy. In fact, one of them apparently joked that I was  "skinny *****" when they spotted me in the waiting room, waiting for my first meeting with HR.

I toyed with keeping my DS a secret, to pretend I was always thinner, but I decided to tell people as it came up organically. Four of us eat lunch together (in fact, we all make a meal each day for the others so we save money and do not need to pack lunch every day) and since I have the DS, I eat without regard to fat and such. I have to take their preferences into account, so I figured I would just be honest with them. They were super-cool about it.

I have even told people about my plastics.

Others here have heard me matter-of-factly tell my story and for all I know, the whole company knows via the gossip hotline. I honestly could care less. I did what I did to save my life. No one would question if I opted for chemo to save my life from cancer, so why should WLS be any different? It is my heartfelt stance and I mean it when I say it--I got the DS to save my life. No one questions it. No one publicly says a word about me "taking the easy way out," etc. I don't think they'd like what I would say next if they did! LOL.

I have to say, it irks me when some people hurriedly (and a little dismissively) say "oh, I know someone who had that!" and they lump all WLS together. I can say with amost 100% certainty that they do NOT know someone with the DS because it is more rare. I then get on my teacher face and give them my 2-minute spiel on the variety of available WLS and what the DS is, specifically. It is sort of fun. The kinds of questions they have are very interesting. They all end up wanting the DS, even if they are of a normal body weight!

Honestly, if anyone would judge me harshly for my WLS, then I don't want to know them. Earning their regard means nothing to me. Those pea-brains are too low on the food chain to worry about.

It sounds like you feel some shame about your choice. I wish you wouldn't feel that way. You did the brave thing--you took steps to save your life. Don't kid yourself--at your weight, you were on a downward slide into health issues and early death. Aw hell, you even diet and exercise, which is more than I do! You should definitely be proud of your efforts. I am proud of you.

Nicolle

I'm a DSer, so our surgeries and level of long-term malabsorption are different, but here are some things I routinely eat to help me get in all of my protein each day:

--quiche (I can do the frozen ones or I make my own with lots of bacon)
--meatloaf (I love Paul Deen's bacon cheeseburger recipe or mine, with bleau cheese)
--steak or any kind
--eggs (hard-boiled and scrambled)
--egg salad/chicken salad
--nuts (it's amazing how much protein I can get in by grazing on these at my desk all day)
--bacon
--burgers
--tons of cheese (all kinds, in things and just as a snack)
--cheese and lunchmeat sandwiches on a high-protein bread
--green salads with lots of the above in them (eggs, cheese, bacon, nuts, sunflower seeds, chicken)

I just posted yesterday's food to the DS forum for a newbie, so I will post it here:

It was kind of stay-close-to-my-desk-because-of-work kind of day so it is a little boring.

B: 3 ounces of colby jack cheese (love!) and about 10 Triscuits
Diet Coke

Snack: Snickers bar

L: 3 medium pieces of Paula Deen's bacon cheeseburger meatloaf (amazing recipe: http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/paula-deen/bacon-cheesebu rger-meatloaf-recipe/index.html)

mashed potatoes and butter
green beans and butter
Diet Coke

Snack: 2 Little Debbie Swiss cakes

D: 2 large pieces of Paula Deen's bacon cheeseburger meatloaf
mashed potatoes
Diet Coke

Snack: 2 brownies and milk

Later snack: tortilla chips and melted cheese (faux nachos before bedtime)

So, basically, protein-y meaty stuff sandwiched between sugary treats). I am not the typical DSer, though. You never know what you're going to end up with. You may have lactose issues or a low tolerance for carbs.

Best of luck to you!

Nicolle