Personality change with Lapband vs. gastric bypass?

Cheryl N.
on 9/8/09 2:02 pm - Des Moines, WA
I'm just wondering and observing....

Do you experience rapid personality change after your lapband?    

Just in my opinion, we all do regardless of which WLS we had...

I feel that my personality has remained pretty much the same, altho slowly gaining self-confidence, and feeling happier and not boasting so much.

I know this person who had bypass and her personality had changed so much and rapidly, not so nice anymore, and has alienated friends including myself.  

Since lapband, we lose at slower rate so we change slowly...and with gastric bypass, its a rapid loss and their personality changed so much.  Just my observation.

What brought this on, you ask?  I was talking to this guy friend whose roommate had gastric bypass and he doesn't really like her much anymore and the fact she passes so much horrid gas.  He actually said he was glad that I had the lapband!! LOL  He said that my personality hasn't changed that much just much more happier and more confident and talkative.   But I do have to say that my depression/anxiety hasn't changed much in other areas of my life but I do feel much much better about my weight loss and has regained hope of losing weight since getting band.  Yes, I am going to therapy about my depression and anxiety about the events that had happened earlier this year and having difficulty adjusting to but getting there.

Thoughts? 

246 in Dec 2008 before banded 1/28/09 at 215 lbs, band crapped 9/09 at 170 lbs and struggled with it and regained to 203 revised to bypass on 8/1/11 and am very happy.

 

    
Katie L.
on 9/8/09 2:06 pm - Riverton, WY

I'm a lot happier in general, and I'm standing up for myself more instead of being a pushover. One family member said I was ****y and I looked at her and said, no, just confident and you just don't like that you can't run over me anymore.

Just like my job, my boss has beaten me down emotionally for 2 years. I've had it. I quit my job. I gave my two weeks notice on Thursday. My husband was SO proud of me! I've always been outgoing but I've never stood up for myself much. Now I am, and it feels so good. I guess I feel that much better physically and emotionally.

This is a Great topic Cheryl!


~*~Katie~*~







Cheryl N.
on 9/8/09 2:08 pm - Des Moines, WA
I should add, this said friend has became so arrogrant that we can't stand this person any longer.

246 in Dec 2008 before banded 1/28/09 at 215 lbs, band crapped 9/09 at 170 lbs and struggled with it and regained to 203 revised to bypass on 8/1/11 and am very happy.

 

    
PameW
on 9/8/09 2:14 pm
I would have to say that as my confidence goes up so does the friendliness factor. I've always been a talker, so nothing has changed in that department, but I have had people say that I'm more friendly and easier to talk to and approach.

To answer your question about personality changes, I have spoken to my counselor about it, because I have had some people make negative comments like, "you are not the same person you once were." I've deducted that those are the toxic people in my life that were bringing me down and that I let walk all over me prior to surgery. Now that my backbone is getting stiffer and I am speaking up for myself, those that once pushed me around don't like it too much!
Katie L.
on 9/8/09 2:12 pm, edited 9/8/09 2:32 pm - Riverton, WY
Wow...I haven't experienced anyone like that, and I don't think I've been that way. Like I said, my biggest improvement has been me standing up for myself. That's been a big deal for me.

**Just to clarify:The above was meant as a reply to Cheryl's post above, in that she said her friend is intolerable. I was saying I haven't known anyone like that after WLS.

~*~Katie~*~







grandbaychick
on 9/8/09 2:22 pm - Grand Bay, AL

I had a friend in HS that was pretty heavy.  She had some kind of "female" problems and had to have surgery.  Well, while she was in the hospital she lost a lot of weight.  Probably about 20 lbs or so.  Anyways, her weight loss made her feel so good that she started starving herself until she probably lost around 80 lbs or more.  Her attitude totally did a 180.  She went from sweet and funny to mean and obnoxious...it was crazy!  I vowed that if I'd ever lose weight that I'd never act like her and I hope I never do.  I've only lost 24 lbs so far and as far as I can tell, I'm still me! 

“Whether you think you can or think you can’t… You’re right.”  - Henry Ford
Height-5'10 Heaviest-335 Weight at surgery-315 Goal 199 


Jean M.
on 9/8/09 2:28 pm
Revision on 08/16/12 with
Cheryl,

I don't think my basic personality has changed much.  I'm still a control freak introvert intellectual and I can't change anything about traumatic past events that affected my formation, but I do feel differently about myself now, and that probably affects how I interact with other people.

Very rapid weight loss has got to have some effect on a person, but I have to wonder if your friend doesn't like his roommate now for reasons related to him, not her.  Maybe she's more confident and assertive now, and their household roles are changing in a way that's uncomfortable for him?  A roommate relationship is kind of like a marriage - if you're not one of the partners, you really can't know what's going on in there.

If the gas-passing bothers him so much, he needs to have a chat with his roommate about it.  The OH magazine advertises products that deal with this problem (can't think of the name).  Not a fun conversation to have - I have had to "counsel" employees who needed to bathe more often and use deodorant - but if he doesn't tell her what's bothering him, nothing's going to improve.

Jean

Jean McMillan c.2009-2013 - Always a bandster at heart
author of Bandwagon (TM), Strategies for Success  with the Adjustable Gastric Band & Bandwagon Cookery. Bandwagon for Kindle now available on Amazon.  Read my blog at: jean-onthebandwagon.blogspot.com 

   

 

 

 

FlabToFab
on 9/8/09 2:45 pm - Chino Hills, CA
Cheryl-

I think that everyone has the capability of going from sweet to sour in 2.5 seconds. 

I will tell you that I have had a similar experience with one of my "best friends" who had gastric bypass surgery...

We were literally best buds... she was in my wedding, we did everything together.  She was always so sweet and funny, generous and caring.  Called me all the time, and I called her.  I went to her support group meetings and took her to her surgery and went to see her every day while she healed.  Etc etc. 

Fast forward 7 months.  She lost about 90 pounds and dropped me like a hot potato.  Stopped returning my calls, stopped Emailing, stopped inviting me places.  I was not a bad influence or anything of the sort... she just abandoned me.  I tried to make an effort to reconcile, but then she started making an effort to pit our mutual friends AGAINST me by making up stories about how mean I was!!  So that was the final straw.

Many of our mutual friends told me that they can't even stand to associate with her anymore.  She just turned into a "rude *****"  I seriously have no idea what happened... she used to be so nice!  It makes no sense at all.

Mandy- 6.5cc (10cc band) 
87 Pounds To Go!  304/257/170
Hermosa L
on 9/8/09 3:41 pm
Lap Band on 03/10/09 with
I had a friend who had a bypass..she didn't tell me about it and we were suppose to be best friends. We were friends for years we spend thanksgiving and christmas together.. she was like family .. we went to mexico on vacation I came back and found out a day later she stayed and had the surgery.. she suffered liver complications because of it.. and ended up staying in Mexico for an extented period of time (with her family while she recovered)

I was heart broken she didn't tell me then she got sick and when i asked her family they were so rude to me...she came back and tried to talk to me but i was over it.. if we weren't at the part in our friendship were she could tell me about the surgery (she believed i would be jealous or run out and do it myself) then we were never going to be friends the way we should be encouraging and loving.. so I cut her out of my life.. I do on occasion email her to check in on her mother (elderly and not doing so well)

She had her surgery years ago... and I never wanted gastric.. so when lap band came available on my insurance I opted for that.. I needed a tool to help lose the weight... and now I have it.

I don't know if she has changed.... but i know I have.. I used to be shy and hide in the shadows and I'm not anymore.. even before my surgery.. When we weref riend she dominated everything and when she was gone.. I learned to fend for myself LOL.. and now with the surgery I'm more confident and no so worried about my weight all the time...

Jean M.
on 9/8/09 4:32 pm
Revision on 08/16/12 with
After reading the interesting responses to this interesting post, I have to say again that I don't think the WLS procedure (bypass vs. band vs. whatever) has anything to do with the changes people experience after WLS.  These people are experiencing major changes in their bodies, hormones, lifestyles, attitudes, you name it.  Some people can withstand that kind of upheaval and maintain all their personal relationships, some people cannot.  If you are one of the people that got left in the rubble after a friend's WLS, try not to take it personnally - it's probably more about them than it is about you.  And keep that in mind as you deal with other people while your own body, hormones, lifestyle, and attitudes change.  People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.  I say that as someone who has caught herself judging other people and stopped just on the brink of being an asshole (and maybe haven't stopped myself soon enough from time to time).

If you really care about the person, you'll roll with the punches.  If you don't care so much, or their behavior is downright abusive, move on.

Jean

Jean McMillan c.2009-2013 - Always a bandster at heart
author of Bandwagon (TM), Strategies for Success  with the Adjustable Gastric Band & Bandwagon Cookery. Bandwagon for Kindle now available on Amazon.  Read my blog at: jean-onthebandwagon.blogspot.com 

   

 

 

 

pineview01
on 9/8/09 4:56 pm - Davison, MI
Yes, my oldest sister had a DS by-pass.  She has changed mentally along with physically.  I don't find the change to be for the best.  She was a friendly, loving,  person before that helped others.  Now she is very self-centered.  Her attitude is very hard to take for long.  I just have to keep an eye on me to make sure I don't become the same.  This is also why I didn't tell my family about the surgery.

BAND REMOVED 9-4-12-fought insurance to get sleeve and won!  Sleeved 1/22/13!  At third goal and "normal"

(deactivated member)
on 9/8/09 6:47 pm - San Francisco, CA
IMHO, the jerk/nice person ratio is the same regardless of WLS choice.
Lisa O.
on 9/8/09 7:17 pm - Snoqualmie, WA
Lap Band on 11/10/08 with

IMO it takes a lot more to change a personality than weight loss.  You're talking about years and years of conditioning and life experience that goes into developing your personality. 

We are all experiencing changes in our behavior inwardly and outwardly throughout our life journey.  Hopefully,  those around us will be patient as we learn to deal with the changes good and bad.  If someone's behavior has changed that drastically it more than likely has something to do with more than just her weight loss.  Unless you care enough to ask, try to give her a break and realize that perhaps she is terribly unhappy and it's affecting her mood and outward behavior.  You just don't know what's going on in her life.  Don't assume anything because 99 times out of 100 you'll be wrong.  If this is someone you used to like, ask her if she's o.k.  If she's defensive and blows you off then you've at least done your best to be a caring co-worker.

Personally, I've been in job situations where I have been so miserable that I wasn't able to be the person I am down deep inside.  My misery had affected my outward behavior and it wasn't until I got myself out of the situation that I realized what a miserable person I had become. 

Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is don't assume anything when someone changes their behavior that dramatically.  I really doubt the changes are all because she had RNY.

In regard to her roomates comments?  I think it's totally unappropriate that he/she is sharing such personal information.  I would be careful about what you share with him.  He's obviously not a very nice person.

Lisa O.

Lap Band surgery Nov. 2008, SW 335. Lost 116 lbs.  LB removal May 2013 gained 53 lbs. Revisied to RNY October 14, 2013, new SW 275.

    

    

Cheryl N.
on 9/8/09 8:57 pm - Des Moines, WA
On September 8, 2009 at 7:17 PM Pacific Time, Lisa O. wrote:

IMO it takes a lot more to change a personality than weight loss.  You're talking about years and years of conditioning and life experience that goes into developing your personality. 

We are all experiencing changes in our behavior inwardly and outwardly throughout our life journey.  Hopefully,  those around us will be patient as we learn to deal with the changes good and bad.  If someone's behavior has changed that drastically it more than likely has something to do with more than just her weight loss.  Unless you care enough to ask, try to give her a break and realize that perhaps she is terribly unhappy and it's affecting her mood and outward behavior.  You just don't know what's going on in her life.  Don't assume anything because 99 times out of 100 you'll be wrong.  If this is someone you used to like, ask her if she's o.k.  If she's defensive and blows you off then you've at least done your best to be a caring co-worker.

Personally, I've been in job situations where I have been so miserable that I wasn't able to be the person I am down deep inside.  My misery had affected my outward behavior and it wasn't until I got myself out of the situation that I realized what a miserable person I had become. 

Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is don't assume anything when someone changes their behavior that dramatically.  I really doubt the changes are all because she had RNY.

In regard to her roomates comments?  I think it's totally unappropriate that he/she is sharing such personal information.  I would be careful about what you share with him.  He's obviously not a very nice person.

Lisa O.

Lisa, in regards to my friend's comment about his roommate, I agree and I have told him that he needs to talk to her about it or move out if he can't really stand it.

246 in Dec 2008 before banded 1/28/09 at 215 lbs, band crapped 9/09 at 170 lbs and struggled with it and regained to 203 revised to bypass on 8/1/11 and am very happy.

 

    
Kate -True Brit
on 9/8/09 11:43 pm - UK
On September 8, 2009 at 7:17 PM Pacific Time, Lisa O. wrote:

IMO it takes a lot more to change a personality than weight loss.  You're talking about years and years of conditioning and life experience that goes into developing your personality. 

We are all experiencing changes in our behavior inwardly and outwardly throughout our life journey.  Hopefully,  those around us will be patient as we learn to deal with the changes good and bad.  If someone's behavior has changed that drastically it more than likely has something to do with more than just her weight loss.  Unless you care enough to ask, try to give her a break and realize that perhaps she is terribly unhappy and it's affecting her mood and outward behavior.  You just don't know what's going on in her life.  Don't assume anything because 99 times out of 100 you'll be wrong.  If this is someone you used to like, ask her if she's o.k.  If she's defensive and blows you off then you've at least done your best to be a caring co-worker.

Personally, I've been in job situations where I have been so miserable that I wasn't able to be the person I am down deep inside.  My misery had affected my outward behavior and it wasn't until I got myself out of the situation that I realized what a miserable person I had become. 

Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is don't assume anything when someone changes their behavior that dramatically.  I really doubt the changes are all because she had RNY.

In regard to her roomates comments?  I think it's totally unappropriate that he/she is sharing such personal information.  I would be careful about what you share with him.  He's obviously not a very nice person.

Lisa O.


I really agree totally with Lisa. We may change because of feeling different about ourselves and also people change in how they  relate to us as we change in body shape and confidence levels.

But I really can't think that the surgery choice has anything to do with it.

And I also agree with Lisa that your friend's roomate is talking out of turn!

Kate

Click this link Join here to the new R & R 3. For real support.

Highest 290, Banded - 248   Lowest 139 (too thin!). Comfort zone 155-165.

Happily banded since May 2006.  Regain of 28lbs 2013-14.  ALL GONE!

Back in comfort zone but aim to get down to bottom of my range. 

Used to be an OH Friend but prefer not to be lumped in with some of those sporting the designation. 


   

Melissa O.
on 9/8/09 8:19 pm - IL
Lap Band on 07/23/09 with
This is interesting.  This is one of the reasons that I decided to have Lap Band.  My mom had the Bypass.  I can honestly say that she has changed in many ways.  Some of it is because she has more energy and confidence because of her loss, which is great.  She also has had some pretty strrange changes that have to be due to malnurishment.  She IS very smart, but lately very suddenly BAD at math, memory, and reasoning.  I have always thought of her as being rational and book smart.  Now she is arguing with me (HER DAUGHTER) about how old I am.  She says, "you can't be 29 because you were born in 1980 and you aren't 1 when you are born."  It took me 10 minutes to refute her point, reminding her that I would know how old I am.  She still doesn't believe me.

These days my mom has "teenage hormones" and I would say the reasoning of one too.  She has told me that she really wants to ditch her life to go ski mobiling with some random guy that she met at a car show with her husband (who she used to claim was the love of her life, soul mates... blah blah blah).  She is changing.  She has changed.  My husband is always asking me if she has a brain tumor or something.  Seriously.  He told me if I did THAT procedure, he was going to divorce me!

I am sad that my mom has changed in some ways, but overall glad she did it because she would be dead otherwise.  But sometimes I just miss my old mom.  The smart, well thought out, and selfless mom that I used to have.

That being said, I haven't heard anyone say that they think I am different (other than I am smaller).  But you know there is a big difference as we don't have a malabsorbtion issue.  I bet if you dig online, you will find that this is an actual issue for Bypass and DS patients.

I know someone who had the Bypass done like 12 years ago in Mexico, they did the procedure a little differently then, took out different parts of the intestine and I guess learned from that mistake.  She is definitely off the wall crazy and can't take care of her self.  It happens.  Be glad you chose the band.
~Melissa
A good exercise for the heart is to bend down and help another up.





Jean M.
on 9/9/09 2:23 pm
Revision on 08/16/12 with
Melissa,

1.  I find it hard to believe that removing part of the intestines could cause mental illness.  I have to think something else is going on with that person.

2.  How old is your mom?  Mental skills like math, memory and reasoning can be affected by menopause (which is going to happen to every woman sooner or later, with or without WLS), the aging process, early-onset Alzheimers, and many other things that have nothing to do with WLS.  I can't say that I was ever the sharpest knife in the drawer, but age is definitely taking a toll on my mental skills...

Jean

Jean McMillan c.2009-2013 - Always a bandster at heart
author of Bandwagon (TM), Strategies for Success  with the Adjustable Gastric Band & Bandwagon Cookery. Bandwagon for Kindle now available on Amazon.  Read my blog at: jean-onthebandwagon.blogspot.com 

   

 

 

 

MargieInMI
on 9/8/09 8:36 pm - Grand Blanc, MI
I'm not so convinced that the personality changes are caused by the surgery, however if someone's having deficiencies in vitamins and such, those can have some effect.  Just like an infection can temporarily cause some changes in a personality, so can deficiencies.

I know a lot of peope who had bypass, and for the most part they're the same.  One was miserable before, and now she's divorced but looks amazing and is just as miserable and still with guy issues (hasn't had a steady relationship in the past 7 yrs or so since surgery.)  Another lady is the same, she's just friendlier.  She never lost all her weight, could lose 100 more, but she's nice and friendly. 

This is why they want people to have a serious psych eval before surgery.  My gf thought it was going to fix her life.  Her weight was just one factor...she's still the same miserable person inside, just looks thin and prettier on the outside.

I don't think I've changed much, other than standing up for myself more.  And as my confidence is boosted, I'll become more outgoing...I've noticed that some already.
 
    
Cheryl N.
on 9/8/09 8:55 pm - Des Moines, WA
Thank you all for your responses.  Very interesting to read responses and opinons, perspectives.  

I'm just being pensive lately.  I can't wait to see my shrink this Friday and will be discussing this issue and my thoughts.

246 in Dec 2008 before banded 1/28/09 at 215 lbs, band crapped 9/09 at 170 lbs and struggled with it and regained to 203 revised to bypass on 8/1/11 and am very happy.

 

    
KimmySport
on 9/8/09 11:31 pm - LA
Chiming in late, sorry:

My husband and I had a set of good friends, a married couple. Both of them were very overweight and decided to have the bypass, actually had it on the same day. Both of their attitudes changed- she became ****y and *****y, she thought her stuff didn't stink. She treated EVERYONE horribly. He became ****y,  started cheating on her (oddly enough, with a woman who was VERY morbidly obese and ended up getting the bypass, also) Started going to clubs, bought a motorcycle, etc. Midlife crisis.They ended up divorcing after 10 years.

When we decided that I needed to do something about my weight we opted for the Lap Band and they were one of the main reasons. (The other was that I felt the bypass was too invasive and I worried about the malnutrition)

To me the pro of Lap Band is that you lose the weight slower and you mentally get to adjust. You aren't dropping 100 lbs in 6 months and you have time to get used to the changes, you have more time to accept the new you, kwim? I think that they went from super morbidly obese to thin and trim so fast they didn't have time to get used to the changes, their heads were still spinning. It changed who they were.

NOW- I'm not going to say that that ONLY happens to RNYers. It can happen to anyone, but I think its easier to... lose yourself, maybe? when everything is changing overnight almost.