"Eating Out After WLS"

DINING OUT

AFTER WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY

A Play in One Act

 

(NOTE: the bulk of this conversation takes place inside the head of a postop WLS patient. Although reading it may take but a minute, the actual thought process may run from a few seconds to a number of minutes.)

 

WAITER: Evening, folks. My name is Steve and I’ll be your waiter tonight. I have a couple of menus for you. (hands over menus) I’d like to let you know the specials for this evening: our soup tonight is lovely, rich Maryland she-crab bisque. Our salad is Cajun Mahi over Caesar Salad and our entrée is Chicken Piccata with your choice of pasta. Let me get your drinks and I’ll be back to take your orders in just a sec.

 

HUSBAND: Thank you!

 

ME (as WAITER hurries off): WAIT!  I don’t . . . need . . . a . . . drink . . .  (trails off.)

 

ME (perusing and thinking then, aloud,): Mmm . . . yeah. Okay. Anyway . . .

 

ME (beginning self-discussion): Well, let’s see – how hungry AM I, anyway? Lunch was five hours so, as the saying goes, “I could eat." But not too much. Something simple. Something light. Cajun Mahi sounds good, but that’ll be too big and I don’t want to lug leftovers home. Besides, we’ve got too many errands to run, and I’ll end up growing E coli in the takeout container or something. Chicken? Uh-uh. Nope. What if it’s too dry and I can’t get it down? Or worse, it goes DOWN and comes back UP. Ew. No. And with PASTA? Forget it. Where IS the bathroom in this place, anyway? Dammit! Oh, okay. There it is. Better not be a “one-seater"! And I hope no one is in there, just in case. Hell, I’m not proud: I’ll run in the MEN’S room if I have to! I’m not barfing out in the parking lot again. Just eat slowly and chew carefully and you'll be fine. You KNOW that!

Anyway . . . Hamburger? Steak? Not gonna happen. Maybe I can order something small off the kid’s menu. (looks, hopefully, at hostess) Nah, doesn’t look like that’s an option. She doesn’t look the type to bend the rules.

 

ME (to WAITER, as he runs by): Steve? Hi. Um, do you ever let adults order from the kid’s menu?

 

WAITER: Not unless you’re under twelve, honey!

 

ME (aloud, under breath): I knew it. Dammitall. (looks to neighboring table) And look at the SIZE of that “kid’s" portion, anyway! Dang!

 

ME (self-discussion continues): Okay, moving on! Breakfast menu? French toast. Pancakes. Waffles. Croissant. Too doughy. Breakfast specials?  Nope. Bacon almost killed me last time. And always too much extra stuff, and god knows, I hate to throw food away. Omelet? I could take the extra home, but it won’t reheat very well.  I guess the dogs could eat it, but they’re getting too fat as it is.

 

Maybe an appetizer: shrimp ****tail? Not bad size-wise, but is today one of those days when shrimp will “agree with me"? (rubs stomach, pauses, assesses) Mmm, probably not.

 

HUSBAND (seeing tummy rub): You okay, honey?

 

ME: Huh? Yeah. Fine. Thanks. (back to inner discussion) Potato skins . . . onion rings . . . French fries . . . fried clams . . . fried chicken . . . fried calamari . . .fried zucchini sticks . . . mozzarella sticks? Nope, too stringy. Anything NOT fried? Chicken Fried Steak? You gotta be kidding me. Oh! How about fish and chips. Still fried, but the fish would be good if I pick off the crust. Nah, the fries and slaw are wasted. Oh, how about a drink to take the edge off? Nope, I’m driving, and you KNOW that one drink goes right to my system!

 

Side dishes! Let’s see: mashed potatoes. No.  Rice pilaf: no. Baked potato: no. Pasta: no. French fries (again?) No. Steamed veggies? Okay, what’s in there? 2 kinds of squash, that’s safe . . . oh, no! Broccoli. Sigh . . . AND cauliflower. That’s great, if I can load it up with butter. Or cheese sauce. Or both . . .

 

WAITER: So, you folks ready?

 

ME (sighing): I’ll have a cup of the bisque.

 

Copyright 2007, Bette B. May not be reproduced with permission from the author. Please do not repost or reproduce without proper acknowledgement.

 

 

 

OMG Bette, you think slowly!

My thoguht process when I eat out:

Waiter - what do you want to drink.

Me - gin and tonic (thought time 0.5 secs)

Waiter: today's special is clam chowder with....
....
Me (interrupts) - that's fine, with bread, please (thought time 0.5 secs).

total thought time - one second.

Ah, but total calories - too many to count; healthy eating choices - zero!

Kate

I gave a  range of times, because some days it happens at the speed of light, while on other days, I like to muse a bit.

Do love the new avatar, Bette. Your hair has grown a lot since I saw you!!  Any news on jobs front?

Kate

Oh, Kate, that pic was taken before I even shaved my head for the first time. I DO have more hair that when you saw me - the New England winters necessitate that!

I just order chicken fajitas with no tortilla's and bring home the leftover's to my 13 pound Maltese Andy who must think it's his lucky day!
Patty

You don't give him the onions, do you?

No..I don't eat those either!! He gets the meat and the shredded cheese..

Bette you're too funny!!!

I usually just order soup and salad.  Almost always soup.   That depends on the restaurant of course. 

Sometimes I order a kid's steak if we go out for steak.   Never order chicken.  Its NEVER moist enough.

French fries, pasta, potatoes, rice etc - no way!  I'm with you on that one.

What a hoot Bette! I went thru this on Saturday when I took my godson's to the Pasta House. I knew I could eat the salad, but knew I'd be hungrier! Luckily, the Eggplant Parmesan on the appetizer menu was just right!

Other times I go out, I stick with soup & salad like Jaclyn, or I opt for the fish. I'm 8 months out and haven't tried steak yet and I am very leary of chicken anywhere except my own home.

Any day that I go to Panera and order Baked Potato soup (leave most of the potatos in there) and a BBQ Chicken salad is a good day out to dinner for me!