ObesityHelp

Steffi and Everyone,

I am guessing that many *****sponded were not even sure to whom you were referring. What got to many of us is that the words that were said.  Most of us have had to put up with a lot of cruel comments for much of our lives.  

I do understand that when we feel hurt and anger towards others we get a sense of satisfaction when we feel that person has been avenged.  Most of us have experienced this. We are all entitled to our feelings.  We feel what we feel.  But we need to be very careful about what we say out loud and what we write on all of these public forums.  

Many of us are still struggling with emotional issues regarding body image and all other weight related issues. We are works in progress.

It has saddened me to see all the different factions that have come from a group whose purpose was and still is support for ALL those in need.  I can't say any of this surprises me because I watched cliques form and exclude others starting way back when I went to meetings at Shauna's and Heather W's houses.  I am old and wise enough to know that of course there are going to be people who have more in common and will form closer friendships.  That doesn't mean it doesn't make one feel bad if they become excluded.  The problem exacerbates when various cliques flaunt how special they are.

In conclusion, let's all think before we act.  Not every thing has to be said out loud and in public. 

 

 He's a handsome man, too,..... wish he would show his face  

Steffi, thank you for your apology.

I made no assumption about who you were referring to. It doesn't matter.

Whatever the intent, you are the one who used the words "high school mean girl" and "smug." No other person attached those words in a judgemental way. I for one was unaware that the phrase "mean girl" had such a storied history at Barix. I was responding only to your use of the term in your post.

Your remark was made publicly, so the feedback was also public. The "call out" came almost immediately in Thursday's thread, with several wide open invitations to apologize....no response from you until today, in fact.  

Lessons here for many of us. Some difficult to learn and digest.

I believe - and hope - that the PA OH community will hit the "reset" button and focus on successing and supporting one another.

 

Congratulations on your 4 years!!!!!!

Steffi;

Thank you for addressing this.  I appreciate that. 

I know the reason did not reach out to you personally and call you on this (as you suggested above) was because I did not feel safe to be able to do so.  I felt safer once Lynn started a conversation.  As I stated I did a lot of research and soul searching prior to writing.  As I have continued to reflect on this today I realized when I read the post I felt as if the post had reached through the computer kicked me in the stomach knocking the air out of me.  Again thank you for addressing this, I truely appreciate you for doing so. 

Ida

Thank you Lisa!!! I know you will just love Lily-Anne when you get to meet her soon!

Thank you Dennis!! You are to this day one of my biggest inspirations here and I want you to know that you rock! :-)

Thank you sweetie!!!

Steffi,

An apology is a good way to begin the process of healing. . .

Indeed you caused quite a stir, but I think the reason you did so, was that you attacked someone on a level, and in a manner that we have all felt before, the scorn and ridicule of being obese and not looking like everyone else, and to be quite frank with you, I neither know, nor do I care who that person was, because what you did could have been directed at anyone of us, attacking someone's appearance is the same thing as calling people with disabilities names, it is an unkind thing to do, and even as you wrote it, you acknowledged it, when your talked about being smugly satisified in their appearance being less than what you thought it should be after having WLS and plastics and resorting to high school mean girl and that is why people were up in arms originally. 

Steffi, if you were someone first looking for information and support and saw that, think how you might take it.  It does not engender good feelings, it does not allow people to safely share their fears and feelings, for fear of judgment.  

I know you are a well educated and smart woman and I believe in my heart you are a wonderful person, who made a bad mistake, your coming back and owning that you did the wrong thing is good. 

The last thing I wish to say is that real friendship does not blindly yield to one another's wrong doing, it is sometimes holding one another accountable for actions that in hindsight should be withheld, for in so doing you serve the greater good in one another helping to build strength and positive growth in one another.  Sometimes we need to really think before we act, if I’ve learned anything in my years, it is not to react to emotions, but to give it a chance to filter through and if need be, I go to a trusted friend, bounce it off them and decide what I need to do.  A hurtful word or unkind deed is never forgotten, even if forgiven, the pain is always there under the surface.

I wish you peace and that the situation is over for you and whoever else was involved, as well as for this Forum.

Laureen

Checking in late today. Last night after work I drove about 40 min to visit a friend out on Sanibel Island. We worked together for many years. She is headed out for the summer - usually lives in FL year round but this summer they have a college graduation and the birth of twin granddaughters to look forward to.

So....I went up for a sleepover visit! We got up early and rode bikes, and I was hesitant at first. It had been years and years! But I realized that there were a million things I did NOT have to worry about once I got my balance....I didn't get winded, didn't wince at the smallest rise in the path....all good!

Now off to Apple for the afternoon and evening. Lisa, it's kind of fun to work with the public, isn't it? (Except in those moments when it's not!)