ObesityHelp

 Thanks jess i appreciate it.  

I have lost a lot of friends and relatives in the past 6 years.  Some expected and some not. I am assuming with stage 4 with mets the focus of her care will be palliative.  I had 1 young relative with female cancer that survived with surgery, chemo and radiation.  Her stage 4 mets were to other female organs so the surgery cured her and the chemo and radiation were for reassurance.   When my father in law passes away from lung cancer with mets we used the situation to reinforce with our kids the importance of not smoking.  We told them that some people get cancer from smoking and some don't.  We stressed that they were directly related to grandpa who smoked ant it was very important that they never start or quit (you can never be sure with teens).  We also explained that g&g started smoking many years ago before people knew how harmful it was to smoke.  One other older woman had pancreatic cancer with mets and one doctor wanted to do surgery which would have made her last few months worse.  We helped her find a GI doctor that was honest and a wonderful surgeon that put in a stent to make her much more comfortable.  We took her to Florida with some of our kids and she had a great vacation instead.  Then she took a vacation with a friend and then passed on shortly after.  We are a family that believes in heaven.  We look at death as a continuation of life just not here on earth.  We stress that we will see them again someday.  The kids really understood and were very accepting of our feelings and adjusted easily.  My mom was the closest to them.  They were accepting of her passing as well.  I will pray for you and your family. Please find a hospital that has a "hospice team".  Not all hospitals have them, but they are a blessing and will guide you to proper medication and procedures for your mom.  On  a pain scale of 1 to 10 hospice cancer patients should have 0 pain.  Helping her be adequately medicated will be a wonderful gift you can give to her.  Supporting her during her appointments will really help her.  Helping her find a "hospice doctor" will help a lot.  I find being active in caring for people who are in her situation is a lot easier emotionally than missing them before they are gone.  She needs you and your kids now.  Tri

That is tough that you are so far away.  I understand because my family is spread out too and has been for years. I thought your kids were a little older too.  My one daughter was 7 when my dad passed away and she does remember him so I think your oldest two kids will remember her too.  I was 3 when my grandpa passed away and I really do remember him too.  Are you able to Skipe?  Lots and lots of older people have some sort of internet access.  Even if you just set the computer in the room where the kids are playing.  She can have a cup of coffee and watch them.  They will run up to the camera and talk silly to her or sing a song they learned in school and then run off and play some more.  Lots of my friends live apart from their grand-kids and they do exactly that.  Your mom could feel like a part of their everyday life.  Calling also must be very comforting to your mom because she can express her feelings to you.  I am assuming she is pretty young and I really am sorry you and your family have to go through this at this time. You are very blessed to be in such a close relationship with your mom and family.  And she is so fortunate to have been able to get to know her grand-kids before she moves on to heaven.  My mom  passed away 2 months ago.  Many years ago I had a miscarriage and my daughter in law had a couple as well.  Shortly after my mom passed on I remembered those babies and I thought that she is with them now and taking care of them until I get there. You sound like a wonderful daughter.  I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.  Tri 

My mother died of gallbladder cancer. My grandmother (her mother) died out colon cancer and my grandfather (her father) died of lung cancer. In April of last year, my ex's mother (whom I've known since I was 16, and am very close to) was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer with mets to her hip and kidney. She is currently receiving palliative care, but I am completely amazed and awed by her. When we got her diagnosis, I kind of counted her out, just based on my experience, of watching cancer take my people away...this is my daughters grandmother, and I'll bet she has more energy than I do! She is vibrant and full of life after almost a year of her diagnosis. Unfortunately, the cancer is not shrinking, but on the bright side, its not growing either. Just take every opportunity to enjoy her where she is in life right now. Who knows, she might surprise you. It ain't over til its over!