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Why not just say you don't want to talk about it?
I don't mean to imply that I disagree with anyone's choice not to tell some people about their WLS. I think your medical business is your business and you don't have to share it with anyone you don't want to share it with.
But I'm wondering about something. For those that don't want to tell some people about your surgery, when people ask how you lost so much weight, why say something like "I am eating a lot less and exercising a lot more," which is kind of true but not the whole truth? Why not just say "I'd rather not talk about it?" To me, giving people the diet and exercise response seems kind of deceptive, because it implies that those are the only changes you had to make in order to lose weight, when the truth is that diet and exercise was not an effective way to lose weight for you - just like it is not an effective way for most people to lose weight. And while I don't think it's our responsibility to educate the public at large about effective ways to lose weight, including WLS, I do feel like it's sort of unfair to lead people to believe that diet and exercise works for you when it doesn't.
So why not just say you don't want to talk about it if you don't want to talk about it?
But I'm wondering about something. For those that don't want to tell some people about your surgery, when people ask how you lost so much weight, why say something like "I am eating a lot less and exercising a lot more," which is kind of true but not the whole truth? Why not just say "I'd rather not talk about it?" To me, giving people the diet and exercise response seems kind of deceptive, because it implies that those are the only changes you had to make in order to lose weight, when the truth is that diet and exercise was not an effective way to lose weight for you - just like it is not an effective way for most people to lose weight. And while I don't think it's our responsibility to educate the public at large about effective ways to lose weight, including WLS, I do feel like it's sort of unfair to lead people to believe that diet and exercise works for you when it doesn't.
So why not just say you don't want to talk about it if you don't want to talk about it?
Kelly
Disclaimer: I am not a doctor and do not play one on TV. I've done a lot of research on vitamins but am not qualified to give medical advice. I'm happy to share my research with you, but you should see a health care professional if you want medical advice.
Check out my blog at: storyofmyservicedog.blogspot.com/
RNY on 05/09/12 with
At my age Kelly, some people I know have assumed I have cancer because of the sudden weight loss. If I would be evasive, I am sure they would think that. I pretty much shaved my head at the same time, and that, I guess made them even more suspicious that I have cancer. So when they ask I just say, “I am living a clean moral righteous life” and after they look at me funny, I confess that I had WLS.
RNY on 05/07/12 with
Oh Larry, you are a kick! "I am living a clean moral righteous life" is excellent followed up by WLS. You know what? That is easy, quick and to the point! Love It!!!! Jane
Honestly, I never thought about that but it makes a lot of sense. I don't object to tellling them that I had gastric bypass but what I brace my self for is waiting for them to follow with, "How much did you lose?" That is too personal for me, so I say, "I'm not telling." End of discussion.
I frequently add that I had a lot of health issues that kept getting worse so it was the best solution for me.
I frequently add that I had a lot of health issues that kept getting worse so it was the best solution for me.
100% agreement here. Although I do understand that some people want to keep their surgery private, it really bothers me that people give a "half truth" to other overweight people when they tell them that it is just diet and exercise, because that sends a false message to those people that there is something wrong with THEM because they cannot lose the weight (let alone so quickly!) with just changing what they are eating and exercising. It is, IMO, disingenuous to contribute to someone else's shame and sense of failure in that way. Just saying nothing or "I would rather not discuss it" at least does not inflict unwarranted guilt/frustration on others who are struggling with obesity.
Lora
Lora
5+ years out... maintaining 190 pounds lost!
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“You don't drown by falling in the water.
You drown by staying there.”
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Many people know, but I've been in situations with people that I don't want to talk about it with....clients that I know through work, for example...strangers that approach me at the gym and some parents of kids at my son's school. I completely agree that I don't want to send out a mixed message that diet and exercise are what works, because I know how it feels when you see others losing and think you must be the only loser (not the good kind, lol) on the planet that just can't get her **** together with food and exercise.
So I tend to be vague and just say a lot of changes, including help from my doctor and I say "its a long story" and then drift the conversation in a new direction. I hate the feeling of being fraud, but there are some people/cir****tances in which I don't want to share this personal info.
So I tend to be vague and just say a lot of changes, including help from my doctor and I say "its a long story" and then drift the conversation in a new direction. I hate the feeling of being fraud, but there are some people/cir****tances in which I don't want to share this personal info.
Sandy Surgery Jan.18,2012 with Dr. Timothy Jackson at TWH.
See, I think that's fine. I don't think it's being a fraud to decline to share personal medical information. Saying "it's a long story" is not misleading anyone and I don't think you owe it to anyone to tell them personal stuff you don't feel like sharing.
Kelly
Disclaimer: I am not a doctor and do not play one on TV. I've done a lot of research on vitamins but am not qualified to give medical advice. I'm happy to share my research with you, but you should see a health care professional if you want medical advice.
Check out my blog at: storyofmyservicedog.blogspot.com/
I'd also agree that without knowledge of WLS, people will wonder if you have major health issues when they notice the large wt loss. People are used to your image as larger, and when they note a major difference, it's likely to create a lot more questions about your health. Just a "guess", but I'd imagine one major reason for not telling is that many have failed at wt loss atempts in the past, and likely want others to think "they've finally did it on their own". Failed diet attempts are nothing to be ashamed of--most of us have failed several times before WLS. DAVE
Dave Chambers, 6'3" tall, 365 before RNY, 185 low, 200 currently. My profile page: product reviews, tips for your journey, hi protein snacks, hi potency delicious green tea, and personal web site.
I've read some stats lately on the success rate of diets and only about 5% of people are successful at losing a large amount of weight by dieting and keeping it off for more than two years. So failed diet attempts are absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. If you try something that only has a 5% chance of working and it doesn't work, I don't think that means you did anything wrong or that there is anything wrong with you. It just means you're normal.
Kelly
Disclaimer: I am not a doctor and do not play one on TV. I've done a lot of research on vitamins but am not qualified to give medical advice. I'm happy to share my research with you, but you should see a health care professional if you want medical advice.
Check out my blog at: storyofmyservicedog.blogspot.com/
I heard that stat for the first time at the first WLS seminar I went to. I had never heard it before and it really made me feel significantly better about having lost and regained a significant amount of weight in the past. I always felt like a failure, which I guess I was, but it's good to know that statistically I'm normal. I mean, normal for a morbidly obese person who lost weight and gained it back, of course.
It makes me think about people on FB and IRL who will give diet advice. I'm amazed at the amount of people who give advice like "I've always done well losing weight on South Beach or insert favorite fad diet here". Well, if you've done well on that diet, then why have you done it repeatedly? I mean, if the diet is so great for losing weight, then why did you gain it back? Most people want to lose weight and keep it off--those are the people I want to take advice from, not the ones who are constantly yo-yoing!
It makes me think about people on FB and IRL who will give diet advice. I'm amazed at the amount of people who give advice like "I've always done well losing weight on South Beach or insert favorite fad diet here". Well, if you've done well on that diet, then why have you done it repeatedly? I mean, if the diet is so great for losing weight, then why did you gain it back? Most people want to lose weight and keep it off--those are the people I want to take advice from, not the ones who are constantly yo-yoing!
HW: 272 lbs. (BMI 49.7) SW: 237 lbs. (BMI 43.3) GW: 140 lbs. (BMI 25.6)
deactivated member
on 7/22/12 6:32 am
on 7/22/12 6:32 am
I agree with Lora that saying you or i have lost weight by just dieting and exercise without mentioning surgery is deceptive. Saying I don't want to talk about it is good because it doesn't have deception in it or half truths. But it seems like when a person says they dont want to talk about it the listener might hear a sense of shame or that something bad happened. Every conversation I've had where a person says I dont want to talk about it I infer that it's too painful to talk about for some reason or embarrasssing to them. Im proud of my decision to have WLS and the results as well so I don't mind telling people I have had it.. Someone could say I don't want to talk about it but to me there is the possibility that the listener may get the wrong idea by the statement thinking something bad happened. But maybe that's just me, I don't know.
I think that might depend on how you say it.
Someone else said that they sometimes just say "Oh, it's a long story" and then change the subject, which I don't think implies shame, but it definitely indicates you don't want to discuss it.
Someone else said that they sometimes just say "Oh, it's a long story" and then change the subject, which I don't think implies shame, but it definitely indicates you don't want to discuss it.
Kelly
Disclaimer: I am not a doctor and do not play one on TV. I've done a lot of research on vitamins but am not qualified to give medical advice. I'm happy to share my research with you, but you should see a health care professional if you want medical advice.
Check out my blog at: storyofmyservicedog.blogspot.com/
I agree with Kelly... There are ways of conveying that you don't want to discuss it without giving the impression of shame. My favorite response (and one that I have suggested to clients who have already had or are about to have surgery and want to keep it quiet) is "I am working closely with my physician on a multi-faceted approach". It is polite, non-evasive, and truthful.
Lora
Lora
5+ years out... maintaining 190 pounds lost!
******************************************************
“You don't drown by falling in the water.
You drown by staying there.”
******************************************************
At first I wasn't going to tell people that I had WLS but after being on this board, and meeting so many great people through the surgeon's office I realized that I actually don't mind telling people I had surgery. Now, the sample lady at Costco who asked if I had diabetes because I was asking about the sugar content of something, I did not share with, lol, but people I actually interact with I don't mind telling at all.
I will say, though, that I do have a problem with overly downplaying my surgery. It's like I offensively give the "easy way out" line before they can do it. Which is stupid because while I do think this is way easier than any diet I've done before, It's not like it's easy--as if major surgery and huge lifestyle changes are all that cut and dry anyway! For instance, my husband has lost a significant amount of weight since I started this journey through diet and exercise alone. I often feel like when we tell people how we did it that he is more deserving of kudos than I am because he did it the "right" way. Of course, he wasn't morbidly obese either. I don't know. I'm trying to not qualify my answers anymore when I talk about the weight loss surgery, but it's hard.
I think I went off topic there. Sorry!! The key is, share what you want, and nobody is required to share their personal medical history; however, the more people who are forthcoming about WLS the more accepting the general public will become.
I will say, though, that I do have a problem with overly downplaying my surgery. It's like I offensively give the "easy way out" line before they can do it. Which is stupid because while I do think this is way easier than any diet I've done before, It's not like it's easy--as if major surgery and huge lifestyle changes are all that cut and dry anyway! For instance, my husband has lost a significant amount of weight since I started this journey through diet and exercise alone. I often feel like when we tell people how we did it that he is more deserving of kudos than I am because he did it the "right" way. Of course, he wasn't morbidly obese either. I don't know. I'm trying to not qualify my answers anymore when I talk about the weight loss surgery, but it's hard.
I think I went off topic there. Sorry!! The key is, share what you want, and nobody is required to share their personal medical history; however, the more people who are forthcoming about WLS the more accepting the general public will become.
HW: 272 lbs. (BMI 49.7) SW: 237 lbs. (BMI 43.3) GW: 140 lbs. (BMI 25.6)
Reasons why i wouldnt say that
People will assume you have health problems causing you to lose weight like say cancer? people will assume you might be doing drugs people will assume you have an eating disorder people will assume you got WLS people assume. i feel telling them part of the truth would be better then nothing at all i know when i stopped telling people a bunch of people asked me if i was doing drugs, if i was back to my "old" ways (anorexia) and i have even the occasional "are you sick or something?" so maybe people don't want the Drama of other peers running around making up stories about them. i have had my fair share of "someone told me you ".........."
People will assume you have health problems causing you to lose weight like say cancer? people will assume you might be doing drugs people will assume you have an eating disorder people will assume you got WLS people assume. i feel telling them part of the truth would be better then nothing at all i know when i stopped telling people a bunch of people asked me if i was doing drugs, if i was back to my "old" ways (anorexia) and i have even the occasional "are you sick or something?" so maybe people don't want the Drama of other peers running around making up stories about them. i have had my fair share of "someone told me you ".........."
A bunch of people asked if you were doing drugs? Wow. No one asked me that. My neighbor asked if I was sick. But no one asked if I was using drugs.
I don't feel responsible for assumptions other people might make. But I do feel responsible if I give them inaccurate information.
I don't feel responsible for assumptions other people might make. But I do feel responsible if I give them inaccurate information.
Kelly
Disclaimer: I am not a doctor and do not play one on TV. I've done a lot of research on vitamins but am not qualified to give medical advice. I'm happy to share my research with you, but you should see a health care professional if you want medical advice.
Check out my blog at: storyofmyservicedog.blogspot.com/
well first id like to say I have never done a drug in my life, dont smoke and dont drink.
But i have a long family history of them, my mother and sister, uncle are all DEEP into them and have lost 100+lbs from doing them that and not eatnig.
with that being said people who know them then assume i must have gotten into them too. lol
I agree with you im just giving some examples of why people MIGHT not do that. because when i did stop talking about it i got a lot of **** stories and what not for it. lol I'm at the point NOW where IF someone asks me i simply just tell them had surgery, working my ass off to lose weight with eating right and living a healthy life style. All true :)
its done and over with i let the person know its not up for discussion any further. (meaning i dont want to hear what people have to say about it, easy way out, not safe, so on.) You are strong to be able to pass off people's assumptions i hope i can feel that way one day! :)
But i have a long family history of them, my mother and sister, uncle are all DEEP into them and have lost 100+lbs from doing them that and not eatnig.
with that being said people who know them then assume i must have gotten into them too. lol
I agree with you im just giving some examples of why people MIGHT not do that. because when i did stop talking about it i got a lot of **** stories and what not for it. lol I'm at the point NOW where IF someone asks me i simply just tell them had surgery, working my ass off to lose weight with eating right and living a healthy life style. All true :)
its done and over with i let the person know its not up for discussion any further. (meaning i dont want to hear what people have to say about it, easy way out, not safe, so on.) You are strong to be able to pass off people's assumptions i hope i can feel that way one day! :)
People are going to assume whatever they want no mayter WHAT you say. If you just say "diet and exercise", many of them are going to roll their eyes, think "yeah, right", and assume (correctly) that you had WLS and are ashamed of it (reference Starr Jones and Aretha Franklin).
Even among the people that I chose not to mention my surgery to, I never had anyone ask if I was doing drugs or if I was sick. I think they were just glad that I was finally taking control of my life and doing something to escape a 300+ pound body.
If you say you are working with a physician on a multidisciplinary approach to losing weight, that eliminates any speculation about drugs or illness and is not dishonest in any way.
Lora
Even among the people that I chose not to mention my surgery to, I never had anyone ask if I was doing drugs or if I was sick. I think they were just glad that I was finally taking control of my life and doing something to escape a 300+ pound body.
If you say you are working with a physician on a multidisciplinary approach to losing weight, that eliminates any speculation about drugs or illness and is not dishonest in any way.
Lora
5+ years out... maintaining 190 pounds lost!
******************************************************
“You don't drown by falling in the water.
You drown by staying there.”
******************************************************
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