Starting to get told I'm "going to disappear"

(deactivated member)
on 10/6/15 9:27 am
RNY on 05/04/15

Well, I've read about this happening to others and guess it was just a matter of time. Over the past few weeks, numerous family members, friends, and work acquaintances have started joking that I'm "going to disappear" and that I "better stop losing soon or there won't be any of you left." The first few times I was thrilled and thought, "wow, I'm actually getting there!" Now that my loss is slowing down though, it's frustrating me to no end to be told I should be slowing down when I still have another 20-40 lbs to go (40 to get to my original goal; 20 to get to my trainer's). I know everyone is just used to me at 300+ lbs, but I'm still very firmly in the overweight BMI range.

I don't want to jump down anyone's throat, but is there a nice way to deflect these sorts of comments without having to just smile and fake laugh along or get into really personal details about how much more I'd like to lose, etc.?

supershopper
on 10/6/15 9:33 am

I would just reply that you are still overweight and you will stop losing once you are ready.

HW 305 SW 278 Surgery weight 225 GW 160 LW: 118.8

RNY 12/15/2015,

GB removal 09/2016,

Twisted bowel/hernia repair 08/2017

M1 Dec 2015-13.0, M2-7.0, M3-14.5, M4-9.4, M5-7.1, M6 9.8, M7-7.6 ,M8- 7.6, M-9 5.5, M10-6.4, M11- 2.2, M12 Dec 2016- 5.8

Emiepie
on 10/6/15 9:41 am
RNY on 08/11/14

I think you hit the nail on the head with the statement that aren't used to you at the weight you're at now. I have had success saying "thank you, my doctor and I are pleased with how things are going".

RNY 8/11/14 with Dr. Kelvin Higa PS Lipectomy 4/12/17 with Dr. John Burnett HW291.4/CW165/GW150

White Dove
on 10/6/15 10:42 am - Warren, OH

I always countered with a discussion on bounce back weight. Then ask if I would still be too small with a 30 pound regain.

Real life begins where your comfort zone ends

Sarahakers11
on 10/6/15 10:50 am - Culpeper, VA
RNY on 06/04/13 with

most of the time I just smile and say thank you me and my surgeon are making all my health decisions. I find most people talk to others about it and not me. SOOOO when someone is willing to talk to me I take the time to try to educate them on the process generally and that this is common for people who are getting close to their goals. Thank them for noticing my results and tell them Im an open book with any questions they may have and while it seems like I am getting "too skinny" trust me I am not. Its just tends to look that way when you lose a lot of weight quickly...especially in our faces but it all works out. If I am particularly irritated and cant bring myself to be much more then "WTF..mind your own business" I try to just smile and walk away.

Its your journey and its your story so you tell it the way you want. And don't let anyone make you feel wrong about how you handle it. There is a quote I love...

"Note to self, you do not have to adjust your boundaries to fit the expectations of others. you do no t have to make yourself small or quiet or compliant. You can star right where you are, in the space that is and has been yours from birth. Let them go around you. let them try to go through you. Let them hurl themselves against your rocky, obdurate truth. If your jagged edges cut, let them remember respect."

-Nanea Hoffman

HW - 297  start of Pre-op - 290.2   SW- 279.2   GW - 145    

    The Depressed Hiker Blog

A middle aged over the hump and over what "I'm suppose to do" woman, with the wild spirit and a nasty case of depression and anxiety!

Pianolover
on 10/6/15 10:54 am

Seriously....i feel your pain. But you're right, our family members/friends are used to seeing us very overweight so a normal weight looks way too skinny. I've had people say I'm wasting away, call me a string bean, say "if you turn sideways you'll disappear!", or "are you done losing now?". I'm trying to figure it out too, my response depends on the person asking and how comfortable I feel with the person asking but usually involves "I'm still working my weigh down to a healthy weight".

HW: 291 --- SW (3/10/15): 264 --- CW (12/31/15) 153

 

LynnAlex
on 10/6/15 3:51 pm
RNY on 08/04/15

I had 3 different woman say something to me on my Monday Skate Class.

Lady #1, "You're getting ready to put the breaks on now, are you?" I told her no. I asked her how tall she was, she said 5'7" and I asked her how much she weighed. She said, "153". I said I am 5'4 and weigh 178, do you think I should stay obese and a major surgery. She said no and turned away.

Lady #2. "You are smaller than me now" Again, I asked how tall and how much she weighed. She was 5'9" and weighed 167. I told her I was 5'4 and weighed 178. She left.

Lady #3 joined Weigh****chers last week. She told me she only wanted to lose 20 pounds and she weighs 174. She doesn't want to lose as much as me.

I told my husband I have never been a part of the game. I think the ladies are worried, they have some competition on the field. I decided to laugh it all off. Anway, don't listen to anyone but yourself.

Age 61 5'4" Consult-6/2/15: 238 SW-8/4/15: 210 CW:145 (6/30/18) M1-16#, M2-17#, M3-14#, M4-10#, M5-6#, M6-5#, M7-1#, M8 -3# Range 133-138 DexaScan 4/16/17 19% body fat---- 2016 wt avg 142-146, 2017, wt. avg 132-136, 2018 avg weight 144-146 bounce back is real.

(deactivated member)
on 10/6/15 6:31 pm
RNY on 05/04/15

I love it! I imagine that got pretty personal, but no one can deny hard and fast numbers.

Sherrie P.
on 10/6/15 7:03 pm
RNY on 02/06/13

People carry their weight differently too...I have a group of girlfriends that weigh more than I do, but wear smaller pants -- I am bottom heavy.

People think they are being complimentary. "oh you are wasting away...."

Just say, "thanks - I will be fine!"

If the person is smaller than me, I say "I will stop when I can shop in your closet."

Revision Lapband to RNY 2-6-2013   HW: 286  Pre-Op Diet: 277  Surgery Day: 265  Goal: 155  CW: 155

Plastic surgery 8/28/2014: Brachioplasty, mastopexy, & abdominoplasty.

Plastic surgery 1/27/2015: Butt Lift

    

iloveravens
on 10/7/15 5:35 am
RNY on 08/13/14

In my experience the comments were much worse when I still had 20-40 lbs to lose (like where you say you are now). Wait until you're at goal or even under. People will just assume you're a lost cause...

Lanie; Age: 43; Surgery Date (VSG): 8/12/14 w/complications resulting in RNY next day;

Height: 5' 6" SW: 249 Comfort Zone: 135-140 CW: 138 (10/13/17)

M1: -25 lbs M2: -12 M3: -13 M4: -7 M5: -11 M6: -10 M7: -7 M8: -7 M9: -3 M10: -8 M11: -4 M12: -4

5K PR - 24:15 (4/23/16) First 10K - 53:30 (10/18/15)

Most Active
What's on your Thursday Menu?
Queen JB · 50 replies · 514 views
What's on your Monday Menu?
Queen JB · 49 replies · 472 views
What's on your Wednesday Menu?
Queen JB · 49 replies · 420 views
What's on your Tuesday Menu?
Queen JB · 46 replies · 424 views
What's on your Thursday Menu?
Queen JB · 39 replies · 237 views
What?s on your Sunday menu?
Melody P. · 2 replies · 102 views
Forum Search Error & 404
RNY2007 · 2 replies · 67 views
Recent Topics
What's on your Thursday Menu?
Queen JB · 39 replies · 237 views
What's on your Wednesday Menu?
Queen JB · 49 replies · 420 views
Forum Search Error & 404
RNY2007 · 2 replies · 67 views
What's on your Tuesday Menu?
Queen JB · 46 replies · 424 views
What's on your Monday Menu?
Queen JB · 49 replies · 472 views
×