Bummed and ashamed

so a couple weeks ago my husband and I had a heart to heart talk. I noticed he has been miserable lately. He admitted that he is bothered by the comments and attention I have been getting because of my weight loss. He says I like it too much. Honestly I'm not looking for compliments, but it does feel nice when someone says "wow you have shrunk. ". So recently I started getting "scared of my weight loss". Which has made me try to increase my calories and carbs to slow it down. NOT a GOOD IDEA I KNOW.  I still need to loose 40-50 more lbs but I feel like I needed it to slow down.  However I had surgery to loose it quickly and be healthy. It's almost like I am scared to be skinny. I'm scared of what's going to come with it. Has anyone else felt this way? 

My husband had a similar reaction about 6 to 8 weeks ago.  We talked it out - he needed my reassurance that he is the ONLY MAN FOR ME. I encouraged him to enjoy having a trophy wife on his arm. :-)  Seriously though, he just needed my reassurance that I find him as attractive as ever and that no one else's attention is more important than his. He is very proud of my look and is no longer feeling threatened.  

As for me, I have a long history of tripping myself up before the finish line (of a healthy weight), and regaining weight to blend into the background of life rather than maintain any weight loss.  I am determined to get past these issues this time and have engaged a therapist to help me proactively.  I see myself in a race against the clock - we only have so many months of fast weight loss and once the clock strikes midnight, poof! Time's up.  So I have pedal to the metal and I'm doing all I can to lose as much weight as I can as quickly as possible.  I don't want to slow my progress nor stop my loss before I achieve my goal. Then I need to learn how to maintain that weight once I reach it.  Both of these will require accepting and celebrating my changing appearance.  

Same goes for you. I implore you to talk to someone - a therapist or support coach, or both - someone who can help you get to the bottom of your own fears.  It's not at all uncommon to be afraid of these changes and you are recognizing that you're making a mistake. I hope you'll stop the self-sabotage and make use of our honeymoon period. 

Christine

Oh Jenn, I'm sorry you're going through this.  My husband has been a little more jealous lately, but as much as I love him, I refuse to allow his jealousy or insecurity to keep me from being healthy.  It's not uncommon for the other half of a relationship to have issues as we change ourselves.

Please, do what the others have suggested, seek out a therapist to help you learn how to deal with all of this.  Maybe you can get your husband to go as well.  This thing is really his issue, don't make it yours.  We have enough on our plates that we don't need to let their hangups hurt us. (haha, punny?)

Hi Jenn77,

Most of us have lived your entire lives as an obese person and don't have a life long experience of being small and we had no learning curve.  Give yourself time and you will adjust.  If the ones around you love you they will learn with you.  Sadly, I lost a few "good" friends over my weight loss. They just couldn't deal with the new me wanting to shine.  

Check out our article section as OH has published a lot of information to help us deal with all of the steps to our journey.

http://www.obesityhelp.com/articles/

Good Luck to you!

Regards,

Kathy

Don't feel shame. I have to say that can put you in a tail spin.