Quick Tempered

WLS friends I need to understand something.  Several of my wife's friends are telling her that people who undergo bypass become different people afterwards.  That their personalities change, and from what they've told her - not for the good.  The only thing I've noticed is that I'm more quick tempered.  I get frustrated or angry, but it lasts only a few seconds to a few minutes and it's never violent (trying to say this isn't an abusive thing, just a facial expression thing).  This has led to my wife constantly psycho analyzing me each time I get upset, and always with that statement - see my friend's are right - you've changed.  Is this normal for us?  I've been waiting to see when I need to speak to the therapist post surgery.  Is this the time or is it just all the hormone's dumping into my system and it will level soon?  I am generally an even tempered person, so these are new feelings and expressions for me.  Thanks

I think you wife needs to stop listening to people who have no experience with the surgery. Do some personalities change-- absolutely. usually its because confidence has risen and some who were once timid/shy has enough confidence to not put up with people's crap. 

But people grow and evolve, and change without surgery too. Look at marriages where people 'grow apart'... that personality based. If you feel there is a problem address it- but I wouldn't let someones perception of me send me to seek help. 

Good lord. You've written about your wife's friends a few times. They seem to be the most toxic gossipy people. Yes hormone dumping is a thing. Yes, you might need therapy to learn new coping skills now that eating isn't an option. 

But you had wls, not a personality transplant. Most of the time I hear stories like this, it's because people have a stronger sense of self, and are no longer doormats, learn to say no, and become more outgoing. Your priorities might change, but I believe who you are as person remains the same. Only the people who benefited from your low self esteem would see that as a negative.

Several of your wife's friends sound like real asshats.  

Just saying.  

Oh, and I would have said that before WLS, too.

I can't love this more!!!

ASSHATS

Yes, my wife has some real weird friends, but this is coming from a different group. Oddly a group I respect (but also have strong opinions).  Otherwise I'd push back.  This isn't a situation where I don't see the issue.  I actually experience it and then am shocked at my own reaction (s).  Was just curious if the hormone dumping was causing me to be more quick tempered and that would lessen.  If it is more a response to my no longer having my food coping mechanism - that's when I want to talk to someone earlier than planned.  The psych told me to reach out to him around month 9 to start discussing that - after I healed and the temptations become real again.  He's going to be expensive (as I really like this guy and he's out of Network.  He's done WLS research and is published), so I didn't want to start early unnecessarily.

I was actually just going to say this - that it might be that you don't have your usual stress coping mechanism now (or it could be hormone dumping, too - not sure - but I definitely would not rule out stress).

I was going to suggest this....it's damn hard when we don't have our usual coping mechanisms to turn to.  I'm in therapy because that's how I cope with stress (instead of eating or becoming a heinous witch about really dumb things).  100% worth it.

then your wife has two groups of asshole friends.

in a way yea... i no longer stuff my face with carbs... or other foods to deal with my emotions and frustration... and i more vocal about me... less food - also may lead to mare cortisol... or other hormones like that (they are needed to stabilize the blood sugar - so when we are on limited calorie diet or low carb diet - our adrenals need to work extra hard to cope...

at the same time- if someone asks me 2-3 times if i am angry - upset and -  by the 3rd time - I 'll get angry and upset that they would suggest that.. 

S "are you mad at me?"

Me: "no I am not ..."

S "but you look like you are angry..

Me: "I am not angry....."

"really? because you can tell me what I did to make you angry? "

 and at his point I get angry and tell them to STFU and stop bugging me.. and they see that as they were correct, and I WAS angry....