Confessions of a food addict

As much as I appreciate the surgery and the weight loss some of the changes are just simply foreign and some even sad. My food addiction used to include eating like a sumo wrestler... I was all about quantity and eating with my eyes first. I ate 3 huge meals a day and didn't snack. I would instead turn snack foods into a big meal. They were mostly healthy but when you are eating for 2, 3 or even 4 it gets lost....

Since surgery, I've become a food hoarder. I have never had so much food on hand in my life. You would think I had a family of 10 to feed (there are just 2 of us) My fridge, freezer and enormous pantry are packed to capacity and I still feel the need to shop for more. I feel like I am shopping and searching for satisfaction that food no longer gives me. I am mourning food I guess....i can't eat very much at all now, but I try to make what I do eat taste great. Most of the time food makes me feel yucky now. I miss eating my huge quantity of food and enjoying that mind numbing calm it gave me. 

That said, I am very  happy to be where I am rather than on my way up the scale and on to worse health. I am over the moon to have lost 58 pounds in 3 months and wouldn't trade that to eat like I used to, but sometimes these feeling bubble up and I just don't know what to do with them. 

I am a food hoarder. Not of bad stuff but things I know I have to keep in my house to stay on track. 

So if you have trigger foods in your house get rid of them. 

Although I do buy my BFs favorite snacks and other carbs (these things have not tempted me), the majority of what I buy is bariatric friendly. It's beyond being on track, it's glutinous and I end up throwing away a lot of food every week. 

My father in law said to me the other day that I focus too much on food.  He wondered that if I stopped focusing on it so much, it may make the issue much less.  I can see where he's coming from, but the thought of not staying focused on it is terrifying to me.  I ate so mindlessly before, and if I don't plan and think about what I'm going to eat, I fear I'll fall back into my old habits.

You are seeming to take comfort in the planning and purchasing of food that you CAN eat, but are obviously taking it to the extreme.  I don't know how to help you, I wish I could give you some advice, but just know that I get it and lots of us here understand and know how you feel.

I am hoping at some point this all becomes more natural, and I don't have to focus as hard.... I am figuring that is maybe when you get your 5 year badge of being a vet... LOL... Now as Laura from Texas always tells me I'm in the "Between year 2 and 3 is when it gets real" Yup.

I'm not even to year two yet!  Lord help me when it gets really hard, right?  Or maybe the struggle now is helping me to prepare for what is to come.  All I know is that I refuse to give up or give in.  I may have to struggle for the next 40 years, but I will not stop.  It is what it is.  

I'm surprised how strong I feel today, considering how exhausted I am.

I struggled with the final weight loss when I hit year 2 and then all of a sudden - boom - it happened. Don't know why. This is a strange journey.

For the first two months after surgery I was grocery shopping way too much and I finally convinced myself I didn't need to go so often. Everything I was buying was good for me but there was no way I was going through the volume I was bringing in. The freezer was getting full and there was just no need for it. Once I made a conscious effort to shop less I missed it more than I'm proud to admit. I didn't feel like I was missing eating anything but I really had to make an effort to stop myself from looking through flyers and stores for things we really weren't in need of just because....food. It's starting to be less of an issue but the point is that I understand where you're coming from. I was surprised at the whole grocery shopping obsession but good to know I'm not alone! 

Congrats on your success so far, you're doing amazing!! You must be so proud!!

I journal about this, I write reminders in my phone and even walking into the store I am mindful of this. Once in the store, all bets are off. It is an obsession. It reminds me of when I used to eat, I would go into another world and 'come to' when I finished eating. That is what grocery shopping is like now. 

would only going to the store and then buying only what is on the list help?