TEN YEARS OUT

Well April, 2017 was my tenth anniversary since my RNY in New Dehli, India. I am at 109 pounds and top weight was around 270. I wear a size 4 petite. I turned 66 on May 2nd.

I wish I could say everything is wonderful. But I lost my husband to rectal cancer on October 5, 2013. He lived only 1 year and ten months after his first colonoscopy when they found his tumor. Bill and I were married for 44 years 2 months and nine days. He was the one who urged me to have the RNY so that I would be healthy and we could grow old together. He was 62 when he died.

My last post was over a year and a half ago. In that I posted my eating issues. I have low-carb yogurt with berries and slivered almonds every day for breakfast. Then I force myself to eat a protein bar or a package of peanut butter crackers sometime during the day. I drink diet tea, coffee, and water. I eat a Lean Cuisine entree for dinner or perhaps 1/2 can of chunky soup. I get about 600 calories a day in. Eating more than this makes me physically ill. I have no appetite at all. Thinking about food, preparing food, or smelling something cooking often makes me nauseous. The easiest thing for me to eat is chocolate! I can eat 2-3 miniature pieces of chocolate at a time. This helps me get an energy boost--I feel fatigued a lot of the time.

Before anyone can say it, I will tell you that I am NOT depressed over my husband's death. I miss him terribly but I had these food issues from day one. I have never been able to get more than a cup of food in at a time. Since I have no appetite at all, this is always more than enough.

Now that I am on Medicare, I no longer get labs on a regular basis. My primary care physician is concerned about my weight loss but he also put me on medication for a slow thyroid. I am not sure if that is why I can exist on such a small amount of food or not but it would seem to make sense.

I spend my time visiting a friend in a nursing home 3 days a week and take another friend to chemo once a week for her terminal cancer. It is a sedentary lifestyle because I simply don't have the energy to do much of anything else. I have severe arthritis and movement is painful. I'm on Percocet, Flexeril for the pain and sleeping pills for insomnia.

I am resigned to not being able to eat. Eggs make me sick as does most meat protein. Whey does not sit well and I am lactose intolerant. When I do have labs, my protein is always too low.

So this is my life. Not a lot going on. Just thought I would post and see if anyone else this far out is having the same issues. I have had tests (endoscopy) to ensure there is nothing wrong internally. Only comment the doctor made was that my pouch was very small.

I guess I have rambled on enough. I hope everyone has a thoughtful Memorial Day.

Wow. 10 years. That is a long time. But it probably feels like not that long time ago.

I am 9 years post op. Sorry to hear about your DH passing, losing loved one is really difficult, specially when you guys were so long together and it sounds like he wanted the best for you.

I am 9 years post op. And my pouch is still working good. On same days - like yours - maybe too well. Be careful what you wish for, no? I wished that I could be full after eating a small serving - I got that. I wish that junk food would make me sick - I got that. (At least most of the time)

Even though you said you are not depressed - you don't sound happy or even content with your life. Maybe it is time to try to change that? What do you want your life to be? What do you need to do to get there? You post the message - showing that you may be ready to do something about that. To improve your life, to find new goals? Or get more happy?

What do you want your life to be? How can we help you?

Lack of appetite can be an issue. Plus ... What you chose to eat may contribute to you having no interest in the food. I have to change what is an eating every few months. Find and make new recipes... Always trying new things. Junk food - like candies and pretzels - or bread - that I would like to eat - often could make me really sick so I try to ignore the"cravings" for that. I try to cook a lot - even though I only cook for the 2 of us, and some dishes - it is just for me. I also buy good quality RTE ( ready to eat) dishes that are both good for me and tasty. But not the lean cuisine, that I was never to be able to enjoy.

For me - making new food - finding new recipes - keeps me interested in food. Sometimes the dish turns well, other times - I may eat it anyway... As long as it is not horrible.

When I had the most difficult time enjoying food - I would try to watch cooking channel or other cooking shows to get inspiration to try new dishes.

The meds you are on - specially the pain pills - can contribute to lack of appetite and can affect your taste. I know that when I am on daily pain pills - food can taste funny - not in a good way.

I know that getting test labs may be difficult - but low energy can be due to to low iron (ferritin) or D3, or B12 ..or so many other minerals and vitamins. Getting detailed lab work and then trying to correct that may really help. I.e even though the labs list normal levels for B12 as 300-900, when my B12 drops below 800 - I drag my feet and feel tired all the time. I get B12 shots once a week or every 10 days. Low proteins would also make you tired and drained. I try to eat as many proteins as I can.

Have you consider joining some new groups to get more involved with people? Maybe even signing up for cooking class?

Getting detailed lab work should be your priority.

Hala

Maybe replacing the peanut butter crackers with a spoon full of peanut butter and some carrots or other crunchy fruit or veggie that will sit in your pouch for awhile and release sugar more slowly for a longer energy burn?

I do eat peanut butter with apple slices sometimes for my dinner. I can get 2 small apples and about 1/4 cup of peanut butter in this way.

I don't eat peanut butter crackers. i think you are confusing me with someone else.

What do I want my life to be? I want my husband back but that is impossible.

I want joy in my life but have no idea how to find it. I find myself in a care-giving role again. I will eventually lose these two friends but right now they need me. It is not JOY--but it is a reason to get up in the morning. And believe me there have been days that was the only reason I got up.

I have tried dance lessons (everyone else there came as couples), quilting group (a lot of Tea Party Republicans which ruined the experience for me), profile on Ourtime.com (lots of scary people out there) and even a friend with benefits--okay but I miss having LOVE to go along with the experience.

I will ask for the bariatric labs to be done. Hopefully my insurance will pay for it. Thank you for the excellent suggestions and please keep in touch.

Have you consider moving closer to your family? downsizing and starting new?

Also finding a partner to do things with can help. I know that one can be tricky... but unless you look - you can't find a thing.

As for appetite - if I get dehydrated - I get nausea if I try to eat. Hydration is a must.

as for exercise - moderate exercise- walking, swimming - increases my appetite and helps me to eat more. atone time I started exercise so I would gain weight. Really. I gained 5 lbs. Walking - my gut felt better, I was able to eat more, drink more and I felt better (endorphins).

also - when my minerals are off 0- salt- potassium, magnesium - my body hurts more, and I have more problem drinking liquids.

Thank you. I have an appointment with my primary care physician mid-June and will ask about specific labs. As far as joining other groups or a cooking class, I have thought about it but since I use up 4 days a week care-giving to my sister in nursing home and a friend under-going chemo, I don't see how to fit it into my schedule. Particularly with low energy issues. I need 3 days of rest to do what I do now.

Thanks for the input.

testing:

Insist on doc testing full iron panel including ferritin. in addition ask for a full thyroid panel : TSH,T4 and T3. At one time my TSH was great but my T4 and T3 were very low...

adn.. PLEASE get a copy of your labs. What doc consider normal - is too low for some of us.

i.e. if 3 or 4 of essential numbers are just borderline low - theoretically - we still "normal" but when the numbers are barely normal - it is not enough to have good quality for life. I compare that to a bank account: having barely enough to pay bills but not a penny left to have fun.

normal B12 is listed as 300-900 but I feel tired when mine drops below 800.. normal ferritin is 11-250, but with levels below 50 I start getting low iron symptoms... and so on...

Reading through your post twice, please correct me if wrong, but I think two honest comments you may appreciate receiving are:

1) Deepest sympathies for your loss of a great man

2) I believe you when you say you are not depressed