A Fat Size 6!

Paula622
on 1/15/11 2:24 am
So, when I started my journey I said that I'd love to be a size 8, and I'd "**** my pants" with excitement if I ever made it to a size 6... this was my dream size.  I never thought I'd get to a 6, and I figured if I did I'd be pretty tiny.  Well, today I was out running errands in my Gap size 6 jeans... and I still feel fat!  Now, I'm not talking about the brain catching up with my body kind of stuff, I really am still quite "fluffy".  My body has stayed the exact same shape as it was when I was 80 lbs heavier, it is just a smaller version of it.  I still have a spare tire, just a smaller one.  I still have arm jiggle, just smaller.  I still have super flabby thighs, just smaller.  It is really making me feel like I'll never be thin... just a smaller fat person.  I wish I could be excited like I thought I would!  It is amazing how 80 lbs later I still feel like the same fat girl!

~ Paula
219/185/127/121/119
HW/SW/Original Goal/CW/New Goal 
Post WLS baby, born 11/10/11 and 3/20/14
 
      

jengo1971
on 1/15/11 2:38 am
Hi Paula.  I can certainly relate to what you're saying.  BTW, we started at about the same wt.  I've had a wt problem all my life (I'm 39) and have done the plenty of yo-yo dieting.  Due to that and bad genetics (as far as skin elasticity) I already have batwings and fat inner thighs to begin with.  I don't want to be a size 6 and still "feel" fat but I'm afraid that may happen with me too.  Plastics will probably never be an option.  It amazes me how some on here (without plastics) look just beautiful, like they were never obese!   Couple examples....Mandyplus2 and Boscogirl.  I want to look like them when I grow up!
    
   hi there.  pleased to meet you.  ~jennifer                        
Incognita
on 5/20/16 10:59 pm

I completely understand this.  I am 5'10" and I've pretty much always been a size 6, but recently after gaining control of my wine addiction (thank you Holy Spirit) I've gone from 135lbs to 127 lbs on a good day, but still I look at my body in deep consternation trying to figure out where it's all gone or if I'm existing in some surreal spiritual smoke and mirrors twilight zone dimension, that is until I looked up height and weight for supermodels and discovered I could conceivably drop another 10 in order to lose the bothersome unsightly last 7 pounds of subcutaneous fat.  We size 6's have no empathy, cannot commiserate with other depressed size 6's on Facebook for fear of a public lynching, all the while understanding the difficulty in going from a 10 to a 6 is most likely just as difficult as going from a 6 to a 4 so as to remove the last bit of unsightly flesh.  No one has any empathy, and the worst part is slipping on that size 6 skirt and the spare pockets of fat hanging over the rim, reminding you of your lack of fitness, and still knowing that you're on the cusp which causes even more angst knowing being so close still no reward.  I think Satan knows the same, the elites, hence the BMI so high.  Meaning I would nearly right now appear underweight on a government chart, but no I am not.  My perfect weight is 119, 120 lbs most probably.  Satan has everyone fooled.  I can't believe I ever thought I was relatively fit at 135 lbs, no it's kind of all or nothing.

 

 

43rosebud
on 1/15/11 2:46 am - TX
You just said exactly what I have been thinking. WOW
Maureen K.
on 1/15/11 2:51 am
 You are so not alone....... 
It has been a little over two years since I began this journey and I too said I just wanted to be a size 7 never thought I could get there...... 
Well I have been a size 4 now for over a year and still feel fat when I look in the mirror I still see the same fat person I was like you said just a little smaller. I cannot relate when peoplesay my gosh you are so tiny now and people that didn't ever know me fat can't believe I was ever a fat person they say you must have been born with good jeans.
I know when I do the laundry or look at clothes in the store and I pick them up I say this could not possibly fit me and then it does only when I actually get it on it looks bigger.
I am not sure if my brain will ever catch up with my body I can only hope it does I think I was a fat person for so long I think I will always be that fat person I sure hope not.
Anyway just wanted you to know you are not alone and I can totally relate.

Best wishes skinny lol

Cheers
MO 

SW - 223  CW- 130 GW- 140  Start Sz 18 Current Sz 4 Ht. 5'6"
 BA- LBL/TT 11/3/09

   

  
.: Rana :.
on 1/15/11 2:54 am - Near Grass Valley, CA
I understand exactly how you feel!  I went through the same feelings and I was wearing a size 4 at the time.

But now that I'm further out, some of that "squish" has firmed up.  Exercise helps this a LOT, but it does take time.  You aren't all that far out from surgery-- your skin will continue to adjust over the next few months or even a year after stabilizing your weight.

I found that I needed to focus on what I liked about my body instead of all of it's faults.  I don't have a "perfect" body and I never will, and I am truely fine with that.  But it was a process to get to this point.  I didn't happen over night just because I lost 100+ lbs. 

I have come to realize that the vast majority of women, regardless of their weight, lack ther "perfect" body.  Even those who I think have great physical features often only see their own flaws and not their strengths.  So I decided that I will look for styles that look good on me rather than feel bad that certain styles don't look good on me.  The fact of the matter is, not all styles look good on everyone and I have finally come to accept this.

What you are experiencing right now is the post-weight-loss let-down.  For some of us it takes a little while to fully grasp the realities of being thinner.  It's not always everything we thought it would be.  But if you work on focusing on the positives, it does get better (and better and better).

~Rana

Jesus doesn't want me for a zombie, and He's given me free will so I can choose.  I've escaped this world's snare but I don't have to be square.  Oh yes, I have become a Christian but I still know how to groove!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=juR8DoshsUk

 
Starting weight: 231; Goal weight: 140; Lowest weight: 117;
Current weight: 137 - 140

TeriMac10
on 1/15/11 3:07 am
Your post touches my heart.
But, if you look around at lots of thin people...do many really have the perfect/model body?  NO!  Some have flat butts, football shoulders, extra wide hips, too big boobs, too small boobs...on and on...blah...blah.  Everyone has parts they would like to tone up or change all together.  As women we need to embrace our health and realize we are 'perfect' in a sense...we are the creature God created us to be with the shape the He wants us to have.  Being healthy and being fit are two separate things...concentrate on being both...getting your exercise and nutrition up to speed and I bet the loose skin will follow and tighten up.  AND, if it doesn't - is it the worst thing?  No Baby...you are a beautiful woman!  Embrace yourself and your achievements!  I admire you.
Teri in Tennessee
Samantha L.
on 1/15/11 3:16 am
hit those weights woman! the flab will disappear :D
Mimi N. Y.
on 1/15/11 4:29 am - New York, NY

When I started out 1.5 years ago I wore 2x shirts & size 22 jeans.  Today I wear Medium shirts & size 6 jeans. The yoga pants I'm wearing today are size small. Adjusting our minds to accept us is hard work. I sometimes think I'm just a smaller fat person, but really I am small in comparison to 86 pounds ago.

I mainly know "normal" sized women. They complain about the exact same things we do. I've known size 2 & 4 women who think they're fat. When I was fat and heard their woes I'd think to myself they were insane in the membrane! I could see their ribs but they saw fat. To me, their clothes looked like children's clothes.

Nowadays, I can feel bones that were hidden for years under layers of fat. So while I lost the weight, I did not lose the sense of fat, which afterall, I carried for many, many years.  I know with time I'll get there and to be honest, it truly is getting better with time.

RE: the flab, exercise may or may not help, but it will help you feel better about you.
lisaward525
on 9/1/12 12:04 pm - CO
I canny believe I just came across this post. I hate registering for posts, so I never get to post replies but I could not help it on this one. I went through it all to register because I so want to talk about this. I have not had surgery, but I had a friend who had the lap band put in so I ate what she ate. That began my weight loss (30 lbs). Then I did the rest with hcg diet. In total, I lost 80 lbs. I'm not sure what size I was to begin with, but it must have been around an 18. I'm only 5 ft 4.5 inches, so that was a lot for me. I'm now a size 4, and weigh 141. The weird part is, even after going through the stage where I would order stuff online and size up, only to have to return it for a size 4. In other words, it's not just certain clothes... I really am a size 4. However, I am still fat. Seriously. In fact, I hold up my size 4 pants and think they look large, not tiny. I half think it's all fake. Now, before you start thinking it's all psychological, it really is true that I just look fatter than other size 4 friends. In fact, the poster above who said she's still "fluffy" cracked me up because I use that word all the time. Anyway, I want to say 3 things. First, I remind myself that I did abuse my body for so many years letting it be that obese. Of course I won't look the same as a person who has always been a size 4. And it is true that what others see is just a small person. They don't see saddle bags and a big gut. Just like all this iffy bitty people see their flaws and nobody else does. Secondly, I did ultimately add exercise. I walk my dog very fast every morning. That has really helped me not to look so fat. Then I did coolsculpting which has made a major change in my stomach. I love that and it made all the difference in my body image because I realized most of my block from being thin was my belly. I can honestly say that people with that flat belly could never look as big as I looked back in the big days. So those are my thoughts. Thank you all for helping me to realize that my feelings are common, or at least I'm not alone.
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