Most Active
Thanksgiving in Onederland!
Gwen M. · 65 replies · 675 views
One month out summary!
GoBlueGirl1998 · 29 replies · 533 views
Energy Levels
StephK10 · 23 replies · 294 views
I think I hate my sleeve
parkmanmom · 19 replies · 705 views

Boyfriends not going with me to surgery

happiegirl
on 4/11/12 7:30 am - Albuquerque, NM
VSG on 04/24/12
My boyfriend has never supported the surgery.  Even as I started the liquid diet...he was like you don't have to do this.  He's been so mean to me recently.  I guess it's because of the surgery...but really I don't know.  My mom is going to go with me, which is probably better because she really supports me doing this.  I know my boyfriend and I are breaking up...it's just something that's going to happen.  I love him but it's just not working.  There is just too much resentment.  I wish I didn't have to go through this and surgery...but I guess I have to.

HW: 351 Pre-op: 272  Current: 140.7 Goal:160      M1:14 M2:14  M3:11  M4:10 M5:10  M6:12  M7:8  M8:6 M9: 6 M10:7 M11: 6 M12: 4 M13: 5 M14:7 M15: 4 M16: 3 M17: 1   M18: 4

 
"Glory lies in the attempt to reach one's goal and not in reaching it." - Gandhi
 

    

doggz109
on 4/11/12 7:32 am - CA
VSG on 01/12/12 with
Awww I'm sorry you are going through this......surgery is tough enough without this crap on the back burner.

I do agree though......your relationship is over.  People support those who they love and care about....they don't abandon them when they are needed even if they may disagree with what someone is doing.  But I mean.....come on....its not like you are doing something BAD or foolish...you are trying to improve your health.

Hope things get better for you. 
happiegirl
on 4/11/12 8:00 am - Albuquerque, NM
VSG on 04/24/12
Yup...you are right...people that love you support you!  Thanks!

HW: 351 Pre-op: 272  Current: 140.7 Goal:160      M1:14 M2:14  M3:11  M4:10 M5:10  M6:12  M7:8  M8:6 M9: 6 M10:7 M11: 6 M12: 4 M13: 5 M14:7 M15: 4 M16: 3 M17: 1   M18: 4

 
"Glory lies in the attempt to reach one's goal and not in reaching it." - Gandhi
 

    

onemoretry
on 4/11/12 7:37 am - GA
VSG on 03/21/12 with
Doggz said it best! Put yourself first and formost. You can get through this! I'm sorry that it has to be this way, but better to get it out of the way now, so you can concentrate on you. {{{Hugs}}}
HT: 5'4"      HW: 251  SW: 237  CW: 172 GW: 135 
LilySlim Weight loss tickers
"You can control how much water you drink, how much protein/carbs/cals you consume, and how much you exercise. FOCUS on those and not the scale, because no matter how hard we try, we do not control the scale." ~  acbbrown

happiegirl
on 4/11/12 8:02 am - Albuquerque, NM
VSG on 04/24/12
This is actually the first time in a long time something is going to be about just me...even though he thinks I'm the most selfish person in the world.  I really do things for others always...he just doesn't see it.

HW: 351 Pre-op: 272  Current: 140.7 Goal:160      M1:14 M2:14  M3:11  M4:10 M5:10  M6:12  M7:8  M8:6 M9: 6 M10:7 M11: 6 M12: 4 M13: 5 M14:7 M15: 4 M16: 3 M17: 1   M18: 4

 
"Glory lies in the attempt to reach one's goal and not in reaching it." - Gandhi
 

    

felicity2u
on 4/11/12 7:40 am - LA
I'm so sorry you are going through this at this time but in the end, it is probably for the best.  You only need to surround yourself with people that are going to be there for you every step of the way. It doesn't sound like he was much of a catch anyways if he wasn't going to support you through one of the most important things in your life. It speaks volumes about a person.  Trust me, when you get to goal, he is going to regret not supporting you, lol and you can just rub it in his face.  Everything happens for a reason.  Focus on what's important right now, yourself! Good luck on your surgery!
     
   
    
If you fear nothing, then you love nothing. If you love nothing, what joy can there be in life?
                       VSG-3/3/2011 HW-308 SW-298 CW-152 GW-160
                                                156LBS. LOST

happiegirl
on 4/11/12 8:01 am - Albuquerque, NM
VSG on 04/24/12
Right?! Only positive vibes!

HW: 351 Pre-op: 272  Current: 140.7 Goal:160      M1:14 M2:14  M3:11  M4:10 M5:10  M6:12  M7:8  M8:6 M9: 6 M10:7 M11: 6 M12: 4 M13: 5 M14:7 M15: 4 M16: 3 M17: 1   M18: 4

 
"Glory lies in the attempt to reach one's goal and not in reaching it." - Gandhi
 

    

BriarRose
on 4/11/12 7:49 am
Sorry about the relationship....Just think about it as losing MORE unneeded weight !!!! And you will be fine without him. YOU need people who are supportive, not dead weight hanging around pulling you down.

I did my surgery with no one around for support. The nurses will be right there to help you. Ask for help, and lean on yourself, and know that you are making healthy decisions for yourself !!!
Briar Rose  
High Wt 300 lbs.  Pre-op Wt loss 34 lbs.   
happiegirl
on 4/11/12 8:00 am - Albuquerque, NM
VSG on 04/24/12
lol that was funny!  Thanks for the smile!

HW: 351 Pre-op: 272  Current: 140.7 Goal:160      M1:14 M2:14  M3:11  M4:10 M5:10  M6:12  M7:8  M8:6 M9: 6 M10:7 M11: 6 M12: 4 M13: 5 M14:7 M15: 4 M16: 3 M17: 1   M18: 4

 
"Glory lies in the attempt to reach one's goal and not in reaching it." - Gandhi
 

    

Marabell
on 4/11/12 7:52 am
VSG on 06/07/12
man...that stinks...Im so sorry you are dealing with that heartache. but you know...excess weight is just that...not needed...serving no purpose...so whether its actually ON your body or not..its still surrounding you and weighing you down....its time to say goodbye..

this is YOUR time...time to be selfish and time to do what you would tell your best girlfriend to do....

((((((hugs))))))

     

happiegirl
on 4/11/12 8:03 am - Albuquerque, NM
VSG on 04/24/12
lol if this was my best friend I'd have beat her butt for staying this long...but I'm one of those that just can't admit that I've made a mistake.

HW: 351 Pre-op: 272  Current: 140.7 Goal:160      M1:14 M2:14  M3:11  M4:10 M5:10  M6:12  M7:8  M8:6 M9: 6 M10:7 M11: 6 M12: 4 M13: 5 M14:7 M15: 4 M16: 3 M17: 1   M18: 4

 
"Glory lies in the attempt to reach one's goal and not in reaching it." - Gandhi
 

    

bedazzle
on 4/11/12 7:54 am
VSG on 04/26/12 with
Sadly this is quite common, our weight is their security blanket also. They need us to be fat so that we "need" them. Stay strong and know that everything happens for a reason. We may not always know the reason right away but in time you will. Eventually you will look back on this relationship and ask yourself "Why was I ever with this person who brought me down?". The next person will love you for you and not because you satisfy their need to feel needed.
        
happiegirl
on 4/11/12 8:06 am - Albuquerque, NM
VSG on 04/24/12
This is one of the strange things.  Why would you want someone to need you?  I mean really?  Why would you want me to stay unhealthy?  He said it that he's afraid I'll leave when I get skinny.  This was never about my looks because even at 351 I was happy with myself.  I'm just afraid of what being at this weight is doing to my health.  It was all starting to show...sleep apnea first.  The Doctor said I would get diabetes...not even maybe.  He just doesn't get it.

HW: 351 Pre-op: 272  Current: 140.7 Goal:160      M1:14 M2:14  M3:11  M4:10 M5:10  M6:12  M7:8  M8:6 M9: 6 M10:7 M11: 6 M12: 4 M13: 5 M14:7 M15: 4 M16: 3 M17: 1   M18: 4

 
"Glory lies in the attempt to reach one's goal and not in reaching it." - Gandhi
 

    

Kevin H.
on 4/11/12 8:53 am - Baltimore, MD
VSG on 02/06/12 with
On April 11, 2012 at 8:06 AM Pacific Time, happiegirl wrote:
This is one of the strange things.  Why would you want someone to need you?  I mean really?  Why would you want me to stay unhealthy?  He said it that he's afraid I'll leave when I get skinny.  This was never about my looks because even at 351 I was happy with myself.  I'm just afraid of what being at this weight is doing to my health.  It was all starting to show...sleep apnea first.  The Doctor said I would get diabetes...not even maybe.  He just doesn't get it.
  He said it that he's afraid I'll leave when I get skinny.


That's the whole thing right there.  That says a lot about his own insecurity.  It is quite common.  I'm not trying very hard right now to find someone.  There are lots of changes involved with this surgery.  Physical as well as mental.  Sometimes the partners that we choose are people that we just "settle" for because we don't think we can do any better.  He was quite comfortable knowing you were overweight and not going anywhere.  Once you get to your goal weight, you will be feeling so much better mentally that you may no longer be attracted to the same types of people.  Loosing weight has split up many many couples.  What you wanted when you were fat isn't going to be the same thing you want necessarily when your not.  It's probably for the best and just worry about you for now .. for once ... be selfish.

 
  

gmb87
on 4/11/12 8:02 am - East Aurora, NY
VSG on 01/10/12
It sounds like he doesn't deserve you. He in no way should resent you trying to improve your quality of life. It could have meant a longer happier life togeter, but again he doesn't value you or your feelings and you will find someone even better. It sucks but is probably for the better, your new life has no room for negativity. Good luck, speedy recovery. This is one time when being a loser is a good thing.
Remember  it's bariactric surgery, not brain surgery! You need to get your head in the game!!!!                      
happiegirl
on 4/11/12 8:07 am - Albuquerque, NM
VSG on 04/24/12
Thanks! lol I'm trying...only positive thoughts! 

HW: 351 Pre-op: 272  Current: 140.7 Goal:160      M1:14 M2:14  M3:11  M4:10 M5:10  M6:12  M7:8  M8:6 M9: 6 M10:7 M11: 6 M12: 4 M13: 5 M14:7 M15: 4 M16: 3 M17: 1   M18: 4

 
"Glory lies in the attempt to reach one's goal and not in reaching it." - Gandhi
 

    

Elina_7
on 4/11/12 8:13 am
Take the next year or so to focus all of your energy on getting healthy and strong.  Then, look for the most loving, caring, unselfish man you can find.  Don't settle for less than what you want.  This might be just what you needed to start this journey right.

      

slimpickins5280
on 4/11/12 8:32 am - CO
Yes! I'm with Elina! This is the time to focus on you. A lot of things are going to change this coming year - not just your weight.

You are going to start really liking the person in the mirror. You'll find strength you didn't know you have. You might find some insecurities that you didn't know you have.

Focus on you and THEN go find someone special to share the new you with.

*hugs*

VSG 10/18/11      If you don't like the road you're walking, start paving another one.-Dolly Parton





 


 

happiegirl
on 4/11/12 8:45 am - Albuquerque, NM
VSG on 04/24/12
I hope you guys are right.  I asked him if he'll like me skinny and he says he doesn't know...and recently he talk about how much he likes my body...It makes me feel bad because I know I'm going to change.

HW: 351 Pre-op: 272  Current: 140.7 Goal:160      M1:14 M2:14  M3:11  M4:10 M5:10  M6:12  M7:8  M8:6 M9: 6 M10:7 M11: 6 M12: 4 M13: 5 M14:7 M15: 4 M16: 3 M17: 1   M18: 4

 
"Glory lies in the attempt to reach one's goal and not in reaching it." - Gandhi
 

    

happiegirl
on 4/11/12 8:44 am - Albuquerque, NM
VSG on 04/24/12
Do them make unselfish men? I don't know...I just feel like I"m done with the whole thing. If I was doing this for vanity I could see him being upset...but I'm doing it for my health!

HW: 351 Pre-op: 272  Current: 140.7 Goal:160      M1:14 M2:14  M3:11  M4:10 M5:10  M6:12  M7:8  M8:6 M9: 6 M10:7 M11: 6 M12: 4 M13: 5 M14:7 M15: 4 M16: 3 M17: 1   M18: 4

 
"Glory lies in the attempt to reach one's goal and not in reaching it." - Gandhi