Boyfriends not going with me to surgery

You are definitely thinking in the right direction.  Please separate yourself from him.  If you stay with him, he will most likely try to sabatoge your diet at every corner.  A guy like this will become insanely jealous once your self-esteem grows and men start noticing you.

I am a WLS veteran, and being on these boards for 5 years now, I have seen this a lot.  Whether we admit it to ourselves, or not, most of us have attracted partners that we are co-dependent on.  We didn't just wake up and have an unhealthy relationship to foods one day.....there are usually much more deep-seated problems going on.  The type of guy we settled for in this state is VERY threatened when he sees us doing things for ourselves.  

Honey, it probably won't get better WITH HIM.  So, maybe you are going to have to break up with food and your guy at the same time.  

HUGS to you!!

I think your right...it's definitely a codependent thing.  Still if you aren't growing and changing in a relationship what's the point?  People are suppose to make you better and not bring you down.  I know I'll be find and I'm just thinking of this day as a new birth...a new start...I guess I'm going to need to start everything over.

Dump the ass.

Life is too short to try to spend it with someone who cannot or will not support you in your quest for health and happiness.  This is an excellent test which he has clearly failed.  Sorry this had to happen to you, but at least you know now that he's the wrong guy for you.

We'll be here for you until you find the guy that's right for you ;)

You know I think you are right!

My advice would be to go ahead and end the relationship now.  Going through surgery and recovery will be so much easier without being in an unhappy relationship or waiting for him to drop the bomb on you.  You are doing something so positive for yourself that is ok to be selfish now if it means putting your health first.  I wouldn't even call that selfish.  There are unselfish men- it looks like several have given you unconditional support right on this thread.  I'm not suggesting you pursue them, but they and the other guys that we see on this board are proof that good men exist.  Don't waste your time with a man who makes you feel badly about taking care of yourself.  It might be a good time to start to see a counselor that works with WLS patients to help you see that you are strong enough to make it through thiswithout him and that you are worth the effort.  Good luck!

 I feel your pain.  I had VSG on March 27th, and on April 1st my husband told me he wouldn't stay to work on our marriage because he wanted a fat wife.  Although I thought we'd work through his negative feelings, I then realized that there really wasn't anything TO work through.

I consider WLS akin to an addict going into rehab.  When you come home you need to stop hanging out with people who would encourage your old habits.  I decided to imagine how I want my life to look in the future.  That life includes me thinner, healthier and happier.  It does not include walking on eggshells because a choice I made for my health is causing my husband's issues to rear their ugly head.

I am working on the divorce and am planning to move back to my home state, where I have loving and supportive friends and family.  I know it is tough to have both things happen at once, but as I've learned "The best thing about having your whole life fall apart is that you get to put it back together any way you want it!"

Feel free to email me if you want to talk.

Zanne

What the hell is that about?  I want a fat wife?  You know my boyfriend has always told me he loves me for the inside and changes wouldn't bother him...how wrong was that?  I am so sorry you went through this and can't imagin the pain you are going through.  I just don't understand this at all.  People are strange.

Your right!  It's putting myself first I deserve it.  I like your perspective, I shouldn't feel bad about it.

Thank you all!!! I really feel supported here! 

I can't type a lot because I'll cry but I ended my relationship about 3 months before I had surgery (4 year relationship) because I thought that was enough time to kind of get over the relationship so that I could focus on myself. With the excitement of the surgery I never really dealt with getting over the relationship so about 2 1/2-3 months in, the break up finally hit me and I realized how alone I was and everything started ******g with my head. Everything that everyone is saying is true. It's better to be without the ******** than with him but break ups are HARD. Don't discount that you are going to have to REALLY deal with that and every emotion that goes with it. The excitement of the surgery only covers it up for a little while. I used to think "wow, considering this was my longest relationship, I sure did get over it without any pain." And then it hit me like a semi truck one day and with that everything came tumbling down and suddenly I felt every other emotion like the emotional eating stuff, the depression and stuff that people talk about here because I was so vulnerable due to the break up. I'm just rambling now... Sometimes I just wish I would have waited until after I was 5ish months in to do the break up so I wouldn't have to be dealing with this now while having to deal with all the newness and transition of the surgery. Break up is so difficult regardless but when our emotions are going haywire because of the quick loss of fat and the complete change of lifestyle, it's just so hard to add one more HUGE transition of getting used to not having such a significant person in your life.

I don't want to be Debbie Downer, I just want you to know how I felt because that was my reality. It may not be yours. I don't ever want him back in my life in that way, but I just wish I would have chosen to do the break up a lot sooner or a lot later.