I had VSG July 26 of last year... found a leak on July 31. Did the TPN thing, no eating or drinking for a few months... was VERY sick, in and out of the hospital for a few months... home health nurse.... in awful pain... Just a horrible experience all around...

Now that I'm coming up on a year, I find myself reliving some of these memories in my head and am quite upset by it. I find my anxiety rising every time I think about it... I sat in the recliner I slept in most of the time when I was sick the other day and I immediately felt this feeling of helplessness and doom... it was awful, like I was still sick. I ended up needing lorazapam to get to sleep. The odd thing is that after I finally started feeling better, I didn't think near as much about it, and was doing really well until it started occuring to me that the anniversary of things were coming around.

Just curious if anyone has had a similar experience and how you dealt with it.

I'm sorry to hear that you went thru this.  It's called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  It's strange how it occurs at different periods of time.   It's like when I quit smoking....once I got thru the first month I was O****il my one yr. anniversary rolled around...and then it was like once I started thinking that I hadn't had a cigarette in a year...the old longing for one came back.    Glad your episode has passed.  Hopefully these feelings will not come up again.  I'm sooo thankful that you fullly recovered from your ordeal!!

I dont understand the ***** censorship on here....... O****il my......what do they think that was suppose to be??

Ahhhhh!!!  They still didn't put it.  OK.   Until.....lets see if they allow it.

The funny thing about the censorship is that I wouldn't find anything censorable with your original statement.  But then, when they block it out, I think "ooh, I wonder what the word was?", and work til I figure it out.  So all they're really doing it making me think about dirty words I wouldn't have otherwise.:-)  But what can I say...I'm beginning to look at it as a new kind of word puzzle!

You can turn off that censoring. I did because it was driving me nuts too. Click on "my account" Under "settings" go to "message board." All the way at the bottom of that page you can click YES to allow adult content. The default setting is NO for allowing adult content which is why you get those ***** bleeps often when it doesn't even make sense. I found it makes it hard to understand what people are saying when that happens. So I turned it off...much better now.

Some words that should not be *** out, still get it some times. It's a stupid filter that OH can't seem to figure out. Pizza used to be one of the words that got *** out, but then it suddenly wasn't on the "no no" list.

 
None of us that hasn't lived similar issue(s) can really understand what you went through........ Must have been very trying.......

Kinda makes you wonder about some others that complain about lesser issues....

I just wanna say that your WL looks very impressive and you should be proud of what you have accomplished..... you paid the ultimate price physically, emotionally and financially and I'm sure the people around you went through this with you.....

 Congrats on your WL !!! and I'm sure in some kinda way you will be able to look back on this past year with some kind of satisfaction..... The people I've read about that have been through it, really thrive and do really well !!!!

frisco

 For a minute there I actually thought you were posting a comment that didn't include a snide, superior  swipe at others. Silly me :)

My leak nearly destroyed me mentally so I know exactly how you feel.  I suffer with chronic pain from my leak due to the scarring from multiple surgeries and stents.  It's like a constant reminder of the months of pain and hell. I receive help for the PTSD and take meds for anxiety.  I know it's difficult but try to focus on the good that came from getting sleeved.  For me, losing over 200 pounds and being able to move freely has improved my quality of life.  If you ever need to talk, don't hesitate to drop me a line.  

Jen

 
Amazing Jen !

frisco

I've thought the same thing- that some people really don't know how good they have it with some of the minor issues people deal with, or more importantly, the ones who have no problems at all and just didn't expect surgery to hurt?? I have tried not to make my experience a ******g contest of sorts with others, but I will admit there are times that I read posts that are complaining about run of the mill experiences and it frustrates me.. Not because I wish bad things on others, but more because I'm jealous that they have it so "easy" so to speak and don't even realize it.

I certainly have paid one hell of a price physically, emotionally, and financially, but in the end, I am thankful for the long term results I intend to have... and I really hope that as time passes I feel less anxiety about my experience.

Thanks for the support!

You are not alone. I struggled for the first year to 18 months with this "recalled memory" horror. I would have dreams of my recovery, I had horrific flashbacks to the time I was hospitalized, and I would physiclaly get ill at certain smells. To this very day, Dial soap sends me into a tizzy of emotions because that's the only soap I was allowed to use for months. I also can not under any cir****tance stand the smell of gauze. I know that sounds absurd, but seriously, when I had to use gauze for my csection incision last year, I thought I was going to puke. I'd start dry heaving and stand there crying because it brought back memories of changing out all the dressings I had on my abdomen.

Even at three years out, I still have flashbacks. My husband was deployed and I was truly all alone. The only company I had was a home healthcare nurse who came in a couple times a week to pull labs, help me bathe and check my vitals.

My surgeons were convinced I was suffering with PTSD, and they were probably right. I refused medication. I just trudged through it. However, it was the most traumatic event I have ever experienced in my life, and do not believe I will ever be fully free of the after effects. The nightmares & flashbacks have lessened over time, but I highly doubt I will ever be able to fully recover from those months of hell.

I do a lot of internal reflection, I celebrate how far I've come, and I have said often that I would endure it all again to live the life I have today. That is all true, I have celebrated the birth of one daughter last October since my VSG and recovery, and will be celebrating the birth of another son this October. I have a life free of obesity, and eating issues that I work on daily, but I am stronger because of everything I went through.

For me, I have to truly recognize just how far I've come. Our marriage endured pure hell, and we're stronger because of it. My husband suffered tremendous emotional distress on top of being deployed to the hell hole of Bagram (which is affectionately called Mortarita Ville because it's constantly being bombed by insurgents), he had to deal with his dying wife and not allowed to come home. Our son was sent to Texas to be with my family during the first month of my recovery and John was stuck there. We had little to no communication because of his location. Every time, we hear of him possibly getting deployed, I am taken right back to those phone calls and memories of how horribly stressed he was over my recovery. I was guilt-ridden for months on end because I knew my recovery put an even bigger strain on him.

All I can offer is that I had to find a positive in all of the hell and turmoil. There was so much bad, but I survived and I'm thriving, we're thriving as a family today because of my VSG. That's the only thing I can tangibly hang onto in those times of anxiety and frustration.

It does get better, I promise, but it all takes time.

 (((HUGS)))

You're spot on with the smells thing, too... I had some bath and body works soap in my bathroom that I used a lot to wash my hands (tpn had me in the bathroom multiple times every hour) and I can't handle that smell at all. I had a bunch of it because I bought it when it was on clearance... had to give the rest away cause I couldn't handle it.. Came across a bottle of it the other day and one of the kids used it... I really thought I might throw up.

I have maintained all along that I would still do it all over again,but I don't know if that's my defense against remembering how awful it really was or if I really mean it. I am super happy with my results so far- so that's all good and well, but this new trauma stuff is really troubling me. Definitely going to mention it to my surgeon when I go in for my 1 year appointment on Wednesday.

Thanks for your feedback... if nothing else it certainly does help to know I'm not alone, and that even things that seem unreasonable like the smell of a certain soap making me want to freak out are things that other people have experienced.

Happy for you to hear that baby number 2 is almost here! :)

I have had this happen...not with this surgery since I haven't had it yet....but with a bad experience I had from a bad reaction to a medication I was put on. It wasn't being put on the medication that was the problem. I was on it for like a year which ended up making me foggy and ultimately not helping me in the way they thought it would. It was going off the medication that was the issue. The withdrawal caused weeks of waking up in a hot sweat panic and even hilucinating hearing things...it was all I could do to get through the day for a couple of months. Things like I would wake up at all hours of the night hearing my daughter screaming when she wasnt. It was awful and nothing seemed to make it go away but waiting it out. It did slowly get better and better happening less and less until it finally stopped. That was a couple of years ago and I still have those days when I wake up and just for a moment I'm back there in that panic. Once you know that feeling, it does tend to pop back in and catch you off guard. I'm not even sure what it is that triggers it for me. At least you are aware what is triggering your flashback...the anniversary of when it all started for you.

I say plan something fun for yourself this year on July 26...make a new good memory that starts that day. Get a new puppy or something LOL something that is fun and will change your life in a positive way and give you a new feeling this time of the year. Change your hair drastically, buy a bunch of new clothes, paint your walls a new color, get a new area rug for your living room or a new picture for your wall...something that you can see or feel everyday that makes you feel good.

July 26 is my birthday so buy something great for yourself to celebrate my birthday :) Hang in there....I promise it will pass...HUGS!

 It does sound like PTSD and something called, "Anniversary Reaction." Often times, after a death or other traumatic event, holidays, birthdays, or the anniversary of the traumatic event, can bring back the memories and feelings of that experience. It can be like reliving the experience all over again. It will pass. If the emotional response and nightmares are very severe, medication can be helpful to decrease the symptoms and intensity of any nightmares.

You are not going "crazy" but experiencing a very common reaction to the the anniversary of a traumatic event.


gail

 I have never gone through anything like this. I think you must be amazingly strong and vibrant. Thank you for sharing your story in hopes that it may help someone else feel less alone.

Congratulations on your incredible weight loss that you achieved inspite of everything that you've been through.

Well ladies you have pretty well covered everything. This years anniversary I couldn't even remember the date..Went back and forth June 2nd to the 4th till I remembered to look on here. I work in health care and every time I have to open a new nasal cannula makes me flashback. Liquid Cherry Tylenol makes me wanna vomit.  JP drains, I can still feel the pain when he forgot to let the suction off before pulling it out!! And the smellll   When my GERD acts up it sends me back to the long two years of shoulder pain and back stabbing pain.  Cream soups are disgusting to me! And if you ever see me put Jello or a Popsicle in my mouth again. Shoot me!!..LOL

Hugs and loves

Donna

And never have to go for months without a hair cut, brows or lip done!!!..LOL