Relationship changes

Banana14
on 9/1/14 2:17 am

Hi all,

 

just wondering...has your weight loss surgery affected your relationship for the better or worse?

Gwen M.
on 9/1/14 2:57 am, edited 9/1/14 3:34 am
VSG on 03/13/14

I feel like my relationships with my partners are better because I'm better.  But our relationships were pretty strong going into all of this and they're awesomely supportive people of all of my endeavors.  

The two relationships that have been impacted negatively are with two of my closest friends.  My bff wasn't super happy about my surgery pre-op, but I didn't think anything of it.  Now he's talking a LOT about his eating and exercise which sort of makes me wonder if he wants to prove to me that it can be done "the right way" or something.  I don't know.  It's sort of complicated.  My other close friend, who happens to be the fiancee of the other friend, is also being a bit weird.  Neither have said ANYTHING to me about my weight loss which is boggling, since I've lost almost 100 pounds now.  It's just.... really confusing for me.  

But all of my other relationships are rocking right now.  :D  I'd say they're better than ever since I'm a lot more active and interested in doing stuff!

-- I wanted to add that I've also been doing a lot of work to take care of myself in other ways.  I see a therapist once a week, I get a massage once a month, I pursue more hobbies and stuff I'm interested in.  So I work really hard to be the best me I can be and not to take my **** out on the people around me.  

VSG with Dr. Salameh - 3/13/2014
Diagnosed with Binge Eating Disorder and started Vyvanse - 7/22/2016
Reconstructive Surgeries with Dr. Michaels - 6/5/2017 (LBL & brachioplasty), 8/14/2017 (UBL & mastopexy), 11/6/2017 (medial leg lift)

Age 42 Height 5'4" HW 319 (1/3/2014) SW 293 (3/13/2014) CW 149 (7/16/2017)
Next Goal 145 - normal BMI | Total Weight Lost 170

TrendWeight | Food Blog (sort of functional) | Journal (down for maintenance)

Ihearttennis
on 9/1/14 3:13 am - LA
VSG on 04/24/13

IMHO, I believe that good relationships get better and not so good ones get worse.  As for me personally, I have fortunately  only experienced support from those around me. Good luck!

"Whether you believe you can or you can't ....you are right! " by Henry Ford

kellyomama
on 9/1/14 3:28 am

An excellent question: only 20 days postop, but it seems to be a positive effect thus far. Hubs has even lost a bit of weight.  He is very supportive, and getting excited for my weight loss results and the "new" me. I am trying to keep a very open dialogue about what I am going through, but also trying to ask him how he is feeling, etc. I also try to bring up the difficult conversations-changes the spouses experience,  how their feelings may change, etc-

I just want work hard to be one of the good relationships that get better...

(deactivated member)
on 9/1/14 6:27 am

My marriage and other relationships were quite good to begin with, but they improved even more after surgery.  My husband took great care of me right after surgery and dedicated himself to helping me navigate the new food landscape.  He learned to cook foods that are perfect for my program and has supported me in every possible way.  I, in turn, am really grateful and do my best to show him my appreciation.  After I started to look better and dress younger, there was room for jealously to pop up, but it did not. He seems to really love prettier and healthier "new" me and has supported me in our changing life style.  For example, we go out so much more and are a great deal more social than we were before surgery.  He partners me in all these changes and I am blessed to have found him.  On my end, I try to make sure that he never feels outside my inner circle and that he knows through my words and my actions that he is my best friend.  I think this surgery has brought us closer and helped us see what "for better or worse" really means in real life.  

I think marriages and friendships that were already on rocky ground can easily fall apart, but those that are built on a strong foundation only get stronger, better and deeper.  

TexasTerritory
on 9/1/14 7:15 am
VSG on 07/22/13
I have been married all of my life to my one and only. WLS has made little to no impact on our relationship. It was great before and remains great.

However, I continue to remind him that I would gladly trade him in for a very wealthy man -- to quote Mama Mia. (winking)

All of my other relationships remain good;

  

Kelly Jean
on 9/1/14 11:16 am
VSG on 04/08/14

I too have been blessed !!! My relationship with my hubby was very good and now since surgery it's AMAZING!!! He took great care of me after surgery and still does lol  he loved the old me and loves the new Me also !!! He exercises with me everyday so now we do even more together then we did before ....  I personally think when you love yourself it's so much easier for others to love you back!!! I'm a much nicer person he says it and so do my kids!!!! :-) ...  I agree with what was said above if you have a good relationship before it will get stronger if it's was rocky then ouch !!! It could be a bumpy ride... :-)

♡ Kelly

  

Aquafinaflo
on 9/1/14 11:44 pm
VSG on 02/18/14

Honestly on my oart things are pretty wishy washy. Sometimes it seems better sometimes it seems worse. He have gotten really jelous the more I lose. Lately he doesn't want me to lose anymore, then he sees how other men look at me and he doesn't want me to leave him. I constantly find myself saying the only person that can make me leave you is you. I have to CONSTANTLY tell him that I haven't changed because I've lost weight that he had. I'm still the same person that only has eyes for him, but that doesn't always help. I'm just praying for better days.

    

Hw: 260 lbs / start weight: 248 lbs / SW:238 lbs / 1wk postop:228 lbs  

current weight:  219 lbs   

 

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