Family drama at Thanksgiving, ugh

greensleeved
on 11/26/14 10:24 pm
VSG on 07/10/14 with

I haven't told my in-laws about my surgery yet as I've been waiting to do it in person instead of over the phone. I've seen them twice since surgery, once about 2-3 months about when I was 30-40 lbs down, and now at 4 1/2 months out when I am almost 75 lbs down. They haven't said a thing!  WTF?

Should I just bring it up? Never say anything? I feel like I missed the window in which it would be appropriate to mention it. My mom is coming for Christmas and she knows, and I haven't seen her since surgery so I know she will want to talk about it. My in-laws will be here too and I don't want my mom to know and not them in case she says something accidentally. Ugh! I know it's petty but I really want my hard work acknowledged and I can't believe they haven't mentioned the fact that I look totally different.

So now I get to go cook a huge meal single-handedly (not much of which I can eat). Know what I'm thankful for this year? XANAX! Hope everyone else is having a beautiful, stress free holiday.

     

"Free your ass, and your mind will follow."  HW - 287, Start W - 273, Surgery W - 257, Onederland - 4 months 1 week post op,  100 lbs lost - 8 months 1 week, CW - 162

happyteacher
on 11/27/14 12:31 am

I don't think you missed a window- as you mentioned, it simply has not come up yet. Don't be surprised that people did not comment at the 30-40 pound mark. When we are super overweight like that it takes a looooong time for it to register for folks that we lost weight. But, once it dows they suddenly realize that it was a substantial, substantial amount of weight. I didn't get comments until the 75 pound mark, but once they started they didn't stop until at least 6 months after hitting maintenance. I rarely hear anything about it anymore. I think this is a tyical cycle. 

I bet if you eat your normal on-plan meal at the table it will come up naturally, and then you can "steer" the conversation to keep it positive. Try not to stress about it, and simply focus on the spirit of the day!

Surgeon: Chengelis  Surgery on 12/19/2011  A little less carb eating compared to my weight loss phase loose sleever here!

1Mo: -21  2Mo: -16  3Mo: -12  4MO - 13  5MO: -11 6MO: -10 7MO: -10.3 8MO: -6  Goal in 8 months 4 days!!   6' 2''  EWL 103%  Starting size 28 or 4x (tight) now size 12 or large, shoe size 12 w to 10.5   150+ pounds lost  

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hollykim
on 11/27/14 4:00 am - Nashville, TN
Revision on 03/18/15

it is never wise to pin our hopes on someone  else for validation. It is a learning curve to celebrate our own accomplishments,without needing attention from others about it.

 


          

 

Valerie G.
on 11/30/14 9:01 am - Northwest Mountains, GA

Holly honey, I need a Like button for that comment.

Well said!

Valerie
DS 2005

There is room on this earth for all of God's creatures..
next to the mashed potatoes

greensleeved
on 11/27/14 9:20 am
VSG on 07/10/14 with

So an hour after I posted this my MIL said, "You've lost a lot of weight." I'm just impatient, lol.  So glad that conversation is over. Don't know why I was stressing about it since I'm not usually a shrinking violet.  But there is something freeing knowing they are the last important people I wanted to tell and now I have.  And the turkey was delish!

 

     

"Free your ass, and your mind will follow."  HW - 287, Start W - 273, Surgery W - 257, Onederland - 4 months 1 week post op,  100 lbs lost - 8 months 1 week, CW - 162

Gwen M.
on 11/27/14 10:57 am
VSG on 03/13/14

I've had a surprising number of people not say anything, which I've found I'm surprisingly okay with.  I don't really want my body to be the topic of discussion anyway! 

VSG with Dr. Salameh - 3/13/2014
Diagnosed with Binge Eating Disorder and started Vyvanse - 7/22/2016
Reconstructive Surgeries with Dr. Michaels - 6/5/2017 (LBL & brachioplasty), 8/14/2017 (UBL & mastopexy), 11/6/2017 (medial leg lift)

Age 42 Height 5'4" HW 319 (1/3/2014) SW 293 (3/13/2014) CW 149 (7/16/2017)
Next Goal 145 - normal BMI | Total Weight Lost 170

TrendWeight | Food Blog (sort of functional) | Journal (down for maintenance)

Dakinbar Yes
on 11/27/14 7:39 pm
VSG on 05/07/14

The more I read from you the more I feel I have in common with you. I started a new job in March, and since then I have lost 92 lbs... NINETY TWO POUNDS...

That's a lot of weight.

The other day, my boss who I see a couple of times a week, and often have nice chats with that can go on for half an hour or whatever, walked past while I was eating lunch, and she was like "Oh what is that you're eating?" and I said "Just some salmon - I'm trying some ketogenic diet for weight loss", and she was like "Oh great, let me know if it works!!" ... I said "I've already lost quite a bit of weight". She said "Have you?" and I said "Yes, go have a look at our staff pictures on the intranet!!!!!"

 

I was amazed that she actually just plain hadn't noticed!!!!! I am so proud and happy of how far I've come that I have found I don't have the need for others to  validate my journey. It is astounding to me that I can drop 92 lb without someone even noticing though.

I would feel a little awkward if people were commenting all the time anyway. One of my friends at work asked how much weight I had lost and I didn't want to tell her as she is slim, and how can someone who is slim even relate to having lost 107lb? I just told her I didn't want to get into it - funnily enough I work in counselling, so she should have respected that boundary, but instead she said "why not?! go on!" so I just replied "well I'm not comfortable sharing that and I've just put a boundary there!". Yay for increased confidence in asserting my own boundaries :D

 

that turned into a rant :/

HW 309lb  CW 186 1/9/2015  GW 136     31yr old Female, 5ft3

 

   

Gwen M.
on 11/27/14 10:32 pm
VSG on 03/13/14

My choir director was the same way!  She was asking us all if we had dresses and I said, "I'm hoping that Tina's will fit me."  And she said, "don't you have a dress?"  And I said, "Well.. I've lost 100 pounds since the last concert."  And I was just like.... how could you not notice this?!  It was such a strange exchange :P  I mean, 20 or 25 pounds?  Sure, I can see why she wouldn't have noticed that.  But 100 pounds?  Silly.  

And yay for asserting your own boundaries!  That's probably one of those things that all of us can improve on, eh? :P

VSG with Dr. Salameh - 3/13/2014
Diagnosed with Binge Eating Disorder and started Vyvanse - 7/22/2016
Reconstructive Surgeries with Dr. Michaels - 6/5/2017 (LBL & brachioplasty), 8/14/2017 (UBL & mastopexy), 11/6/2017 (medial leg lift)

Age 42 Height 5'4" HW 319 (1/3/2014) SW 293 (3/13/2014) CW 149 (7/16/2017)
Next Goal 145 - normal BMI | Total Weight Lost 170

TrendWeight | Food Blog (sort of functional) | Journal (down for maintenance)

greensleeved
on 11/28/14 4:09 am
VSG on 07/10/14 with

Glad to know I'm not the only one who hasn't had people notice. I can understand not noticing (or thinking it's not your business to comment) if it's someone you work with or don't know that well, but the fact that my family didn't initially notice was just weird! They're older (70's) , so I guess it took some time for their eyes to focus, lol.

It's so strange. When people DO notice I sort of like it and sort of am annoyed/bothered in some weird way I haven't figured out yet. I guess it's that the wrong people were noticing. People I work with have been saying, "Oh, you've lost a lot of weight" and then my family DIDN'T notice and they are the ones I do want to notice. I'm mostly just glad that final task of telling the last of the family is over.

Congrats to everyone setting new boundaries and making it through the food and family landmines that are the holidays!

     

"Free your ass, and your mind will follow."  HW - 287, Start W - 273, Surgery W - 257, Onederland - 4 months 1 week post op,  100 lbs lost - 8 months 1 week, CW - 162

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