Trying to keep a positive attitude
First off, this is NOT a post about having 2nd thoughts about my surgery because I don't... at all. This has just been one of those weeks where I feel like if 1 more thing hits me I will curl up into the fetal position and cry.
Since Monday the following thing have happened: 1) found out my father unexpectedly needs surgery this Monday. I am sure he will be ok but any type of surgery when you are over 70 is worrisome. 2) My mother is having knee replacement surgery in January. She was having some strange issues occurring with her and didn't want to let is slide because of her surgery. Turns out all her levels are coming back indicating an auto immune disease (possibly Lupus) 3) My son's best friend is in the hospital today and having tests performed because apparently the doctors believe he may have leukemia. 4) It is my eldest son's birthday today and this is the first time ever that I won't spend his birthday with him. I will see him on Sunday but my mommy heart isn't convinced it's the same thing 5) I love to sing as a hobby and was not expecting this surgery to have any impact on that. Needless to say it has and has removed some of the happiness I find in the season as singing Christmas carols and performing in the Christmas program is not really an option for me this year. 6) I'm pretty sure that my TOM is rapidly approaching
On the plus side... I haven't kicked any puppies or small children and I'm staying on track with my food choices. As I'm travelling for the holidays I won't be seeing my therapist until after the new year which is unfortunate timing. I think I'm done whining I just feel so incredibly overwhelmed right now and I wish my recovery was a little further along so I would have more energy to deal with all of it.
Isn't it great how everything always happens all at once and when we can't see our therapists? NOT. I'm really sorry about all of these things. Life sometimes really likes to beat on us.
Regarding #5 - It took me a good 6 months post-op to really get into my groove again with singing and only now, at about 9 months post-op, do I feel like I've really gotten my vocal stamina back completely. My breath control is still not 100% what it was pre-op! I'm maybe around 90% right now.
So have faith - it will improve and you'll find your love of singing again! (When I asked my surgeon about singing he was like, "everything will be fine after 6 weeks." LOL, right.)
VSG with Dr. Salameh - 3/13/2014
Diagnosed with Binge Eating Disorder and started Vyvanse - 7/22/2016
Reconstructive Surgeries with Dr. Michaels - 6/5/2017 (LBL & brachioplasty), 8/14/2017 (UBL & mastopexy), 11/6/2017 (medial leg lift)
Age 42 Height 5'4" HW 319 (1/3/2014) SW 293 (3/13/2014) CW 149 (7/16/2017)
Next Goal 145 - normal BMI | Total Weight Lost 170
TrendWeight | Food Blog (sort of functional) | Journal (down for maintenance)
The timing of it all made me shake my head. I was driving home from my therapist on Monday when I received the first phone call about my dad.
6 months?? Wow. I remember a voice teacher, years ago, had my lay on the floor and do various vocal exercises and sing. Boy, I learned how to support myself doing that. I have never felt this wimpy vocally. It has been a new experience for sure! My surgeon also told me the 6 weeks story. I feel so betrayed
It's a new experience for me too. :( I've never had issues with breath control before! But, I'm much happier with where I am now vocally.
VSG with Dr. Salameh - 3/13/2014
Diagnosed with Binge Eating Disorder and started Vyvanse - 7/22/2016
Reconstructive Surgeries with Dr. Michaels - 6/5/2017 (LBL & brachioplasty), 8/14/2017 (UBL & mastopexy), 11/6/2017 (medial leg lift)
Age 42 Height 5'4" HW 319 (1/3/2014) SW 293 (3/13/2014) CW 149 (7/16/2017)
Next Goal 145 - normal BMI | Total Weight Lost 170
TrendWeight | Food Blog (sort of functional) | Journal (down for maintenance)
Now, that's a plateful of "issues" to handle. Sorry you're going through these difficult times. The one that hit home for me was not being with your son on his birthday - I can relate to that.
Thank goodness puppies and children are safe!
This is an emotional time of the year even without your problems. You are doing very well staying on track, and that shows you are a strong person. Sometimes we just have to "hang tough" and ride the wave.
I hope things improve soon.
When I'm feeling like I need a pity party I try to remember those out there that have far less than I do. The ones who have no home for their children to come home to or medical care to treat the ills of the modern world. The ones who have nothing to even sing about and that makes me feel very blessed! It's all a matter if perspective.
You are absolutely right and I frequently do the same thing. I think this week it was just a bit more challenging to keep that perspective; especially since I'm the "strong" one in the family. However, most of these things are only possibilities so I need to not fret about them unless they become reality. As you point out, there are way too many people whose reality is not a great one this holiday season.
Way to look on the positive side! Seriously, when things pile on like that it is such a challenge and I, too, am a fan of the fetal position. Therapists are great-however, I would urge you to look at those you have around you who love and care for you and who are willing to provide a listening ear or a kick in the keister, depending on what is necessary. If your therapist is doing his/her job, you will be building and recognizing the skills within you to get through this. Blessings on you and remember, be kind to yourself and take some time for you--you are more than worth it.
I pray your father does well with his surgery this coming week.
HW 285 SW 248 CW 218 Surgery date: 12/2/14 "Life itself is the proper binge." Julia Child
"Never, never, in nothing great or small, large or petty, never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy.'' Winston Churchill
Thank you for the encouragement and good advice. One of the things I have been working on with my therapist is that my role in the family is the "rock" or the "strong" one. Which means that in crisis everyone turns to me and I forget to put up limits when I have reached my saturation point and/or ask for help. Sounds like I have a great opportunity to put all those lovely ideas into practice!
Thanks again!