I feel like a failure

I was worried this was going to happen before my surgery.  I didn't lose much weight on the 2 week liquid diet and I asked my doctor if this meant that I wouldn't do well with the sleeve.  He said no and that I would do great afterwards.  I was sleeved on 8/17 (11 days ago) and the first week I love 8 pounds.  I lost one more pound the next day, and since then.......nothing.  And depending on how many times I weigh, I might even be up a pound.  I can't help but think that this is a sign that I've failed.  That wls wasn't the right choice for me.  That I'm just destined to be this huge forever.  Everything I've read says that I should be losing weight.  Yesterday I only consumed 444 calories. 

Everyone has always said:  eat less and you'll lose weight; eat healthy food and you'll lose weight; stop drinking sodas and you'll lose weight.  So why I am not losing weight?  I have 2 premiere rtd shakes a day (320 calories total, 2 grams of sugar total, 6 grams of fat total).  I only drink water the rest of the time and even eliminated the flavor additives because I didn't want any extra calories.  For dinner I have 1 cup of soup/broth that maybe equals 150 calories max.  I got a fitness tracker so that I could make sure that I'm moving fairly often (yesterday I walked a little over 6,800 steps).

If this was just a diet, I would have quit by now. But this isn't.  This is my life now and I'm stuck with it.  I think I made a huge mistake thinking wls was going to help me.  Yes, I cannot consume very much now, but it doesn't seem to matter.  I'm stuck at this weight.  I've read about stalls, but I'm not even to that point that everyone says they have a stall.  I just feel like a failure.  Everyone that knows about the surgery is expecting to see some drastic changes in me, and I'm not having any weight loss.  My husband looks at the graph I made every morning.  He tries to be supportive, but there's nothing he can say that will make it better.  I'm so very much alone and hate that I've failed at yet another way to get healthy.  This is why hardly of my friends and family know I did this.  That way that don't see how much I've failed.  

I hate myself right now.   

You have not failed!!! You just had surgery 11 days ago. You body is just adjusting. If you continue to expect weight loss every day, you will be in for a lot of unnecessary  angst. Right now, I recommend you concentrate on staying hydrated and getting your protein in. Maybe only weigh yourself weekly. Do a search on 3 week stall on this site. You are not alone. 

Search the forums for "three week stall." Your body is only 11 days out from major abdominal surgery. You cannot take what the scale is saying as a reflection of what is going on in your body. I don't think I even weighed myself for the first 2 or 3 weeks post op, because your body is just in major flux right now. (I'm ordinarily a big proponent of weighing daily, but surgery seriously messes with your body and fluid retention and whatnot.) Also, I don't even think this is a stall! You've lost 9lbs in less than 2 weeks! Come back when the scale is stuck for one month. That is a stall.

Here's the thing, what troubles me the most about your post is not the fact that you haven't lost more than 9lbs, it's that you feel like a failure. You have to recalibrate your expectations, and be kind to yourself. You're in this for the long haul. Be patient and stick to your plan. This is a lifelong process. When you are one year out, the early stalls will be a distant memory because you will be out there living your awesome new life (assuming you follow your plan. If you don't, well, that's another story). 

If you're feeling like a failure and feeling alone, you might want to seek out a therapist who can help you with this journey. You're not alone, and you're not a failure. 

You have not failed!!!!  Just keep working your program and the weight will fall off.  You are NOT going to lose weight every week and thinking you will is unrealistic. Your body has to adjust itself.  We lose weight in a stair-step fashion.  We lose a chunk, then stay the same for a while, then lose some more. Often times we even gain a pound before we lose 5 pounds.  Use the search function ( little magnifying glass at the top of the page, in the blue bar) and search 3 week stall.  Some people go through it in week 2, some in week 5.  EVERYONE goes through stalls.  It's a normal part of weight loss.  

Don't let the number on the scale get to you.  You are losing fat even if it doesn't show up on the scale.  Remember, the extra weight could be water or even poop if you have been constipated.  If the scale stresses you, stay off of it.  Measure your body in several places instead.  You will be amazed at how many inches you lose when the scale stays the same.

You seriously need to STOP THE NEGATIVE SELF TALK!  It is not helping you.  You can do this.  Change your thought process to "I can do this" instead of "I'm doomed to failure".  Just keep making good choices, following your surgeon's plan, and DON"T GIVE UP!!!!!  Some days will be harder than others, but you are worth the effort.

please take a deep breath, lose the word "failure" from your vocabulary, and KNOW you will do this and feel wonderful.  read the "three months out" posting, throw out your scale and go for the undies test to determine shrinking numbers . . . . .no wedgie or baggie bloomers is a good thing . . . . .try, just try for one day to treat you with the kindness and respect you would extend to another person on this same exciting journey.  you'll do this to completion and for a lifetime . . . .just start each day . . . one day . . . .     and those days will add up!!!!

OK, speaking as someone who has walked this path and indulged in a healthy amount of negative self talk and low self esteem, you need to STOP yourself and take an inventory. And be realistic. By that I mean you are not even 2 weeks out from surgery, your body is in recovery/healing mode and will be reluctant to do much else. It took a month before I hit my stride and thast was about 10-12 lbs per month. I came to this surgery having failed all other attempts. Here's what I suggest:

• It's a big one: weigh yourself only once per week. If you are addicted to the scale, make this change. I used to live and die by that number and weigh up to 6x per day. And how my day unfolded depended only on the scale. If this is you, commit to changing that. Make this journey different. Chart it only once per week. Have your hubby hide the scale if needed, until weigh in day.
• Focus on daily goals instead, did I get in my fluids? All my protein? Did I chew slowly? Take small bites? Did I get in some activity today? Did I journal my food and feelings.
• If you're not using a food/activity tracker I suggest My Fitness Pal. It lets you track as granularly as you like and is a great tool.
• Stop updating everyone (hubby is an exception) and make this a very "you-centered" journey. By this I mean, your daily progress and success will be marked in many ways that others won't appreciate but you need to celebrate: tying your shoes easier, running up the stairs, moving the car seat forward a notch, less knee pain, cutting meds, looser clothes, breathing easier, hitting your protein goals walking an extra 500 steps, etc. Other people want numbers and that's it. You don't need to tell them nor do you need to care about what they think. Cherish your successes big and small like little nuggets of gold.
• You have not failed, not after 11 days. This is a long journey lasting the rest of your life and all you need to worry about is today. Calm your mind, breath deeply, write stuff down, sip your water and protein shakes and walk, walk walk. Today will unfold into tomorrow and so on and when you focus on today's journey it will get easier. Believe it or not, the journey to your weight loss goal will be where the value resides. What are you learning? How did you do things differently? What's changed?
• When you are cleared, get in all your dense protein daily as well as water, then veggies. The protein really helps the weight loss. Small bites, chew slowly and many times.
• Your hormones post-surgery will be intense, so take that into account. Your body has been jolted in a big way. It's not used to this new normal, it takes a bit to adjust.
• Find someone to talk to that you trust: a therapist, someone who's had the surgery, a supportive person to help you walk this path. If they look only at your scale numbers, it's not the right person. 
• One last thing and then I'm off my soapbox: there's a saying ,(paraphrasing here), "if you always use the same ingredients,  you'll always get the same cake". So do things differently this time, change your mindset from previous weight loss attempts, focus differently than in the past, focus on everything else before the scale. Be gentle and kind to yourself. Pay attention and honor how you live your days and all the ingredients of it from waking to when you lay down at night to sleep.

You can do this. You are doing it! You are awesome and strong and can live this way of life. The surgeon only operated on your stomach, not your head, so you've got to determine how your head will pair up and achieve success with your new stomach. Hugs and best wishes.

Excellent post!! I'm 23 days out and things mentioned in this post have helped me too.

thanks I am seven weeks out your post has helped me thank you so much I know it was ment for someone else but thanks I am doing this . I have lost 45lbs my surgery date was 7/13/15 your post was a blessing to me

I'm happy to hear it helped you. It's so important to take a step back and examine the whole journey and all the steps needed to make it a success, not just the scale readings. And to calm down and take it one day or one hour at a time, if needed. Good luck.

You're ahead of where I was. After my first week, I still weighed more than the day I went into the hospital.

Work the plan. If you stick to it, you'll do fine.