Meh.

So I am down 180+ pounds in 17 months. There are days I feel like I take one step forward and two steps back. I finally landed a job and am still single.

There are days that I am just a malcontent and jealous cynic. I am slowly accepting the fact that at thirty-four I probably won't be having kids. My proverbial biological clock is winding down. It is depressing, and it makes me angry because I thought that my plan involved children or a family of some kind. My Mom even said it the other day. My reply, "What. I'm not allowed to have kids or a family of my own." It's as if she has written me off. It hurt and stung. I don't think she understands that people my age are having children later and later. It is rarer to have kids young anymore.

I am single and would like someone for myself. It just isn't happening and comparatively to those around me this too is a source of frustration. I am tired of doing things by myself and alone. I am tired of experiencing cool things alone. I'm just tired of trying so hard with little to show for it.

I am glad that I have not fallen into bad habits or old habits and resist temptation.

I had a vacation planned out and paid for in Toulouse next year on a 54-hectare vineyard. Alone. It sounds lovely, but at the same time just sad. I just want what others have in a significant other which is out of reach for me at the moment.

Just venting because this seems to be the one place where people get me.

Reading this, my first thought was "it sounds like you're dealing with depression."  Are you seeing a therapist?  I highly recommend talking about your feelings with a professional.  I also really don't think you can write yourself off at the age of 34 as being along forever - I have a number of friends who have gotten married, and had kids through biological or adoptive methods, well into their 40s and beyond. 

Even if you're not partnered, though, you don't need to do things along - you can go on awesome super fun trips with friends.  And it's not like a partner would give you "someone for yourself" because any partner would also have interests and friends of their own as well.  

What are you doing in your life that might lead you to a partner?  What are your hobbies?  What communities are you a part of?  How are you interacting with people?  Aside from therapy, I think that's where you should look to - making friends and interacting with those in the world around you.  

Worse thing to being alone is to be in a bad relationship.  Trust me. Been there. And I was happy to get out from that one. I promised myself never again...that I can date, have fun...but no more "married" or living with someone.  Then I met my current guy.  And we had been together for close to 5 years. But I had been looking for someone like that all my life. 

You are 34... Take your time to find out who you are, and to like yourself. 

Find friends who enjoy things you like to do. Maybe join biking group? Anything else you like to do? 

When I was single - I still had my friends.  All over the world. Really. I traveled - a lot of times by myself..and met people along the way. One way to travel - if you are single - is to find organized groups that travel and do things together.  

Find hobbies or volunteer - that may bring some perspective. 

At 34 your are not too old to decide that you will not have children. But don't try to force relationship. Don't settle.  Been there. Hated almost every minute of it.  

Meet up groups can be a safe place in any area to find group of people who like to do things. Check them out. 

I didn't even get married till I was 35 and by then my friends who got married earlier were getting divorced and having to start over themselves! I agree you sound like you are dealing with depression and the sooner you deal with that the better your whole life will be. I wish you the very best!!

Gads, how I wish I had my 34-year-old bod again!!  :)

Seriously, you do sound a wee bit depressed, and a therapist will likely help. I also agree with the suggestions to join MeetUp groups for activities you enjoy.. or even learn some new activities: Trail clearing, hiking, biking, kayaking, geocaching, sailing, skiing, t'ai chi, yoga, dancing. 

I've been engaged 3x. Twice to the same guy, who ghosted both times. I THANK GOD I am not the fourth Mrs. J. L. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice... let's just say I know what depression feels like.

The other guy - passed away. From brain cancer, at age 36. I've never found anyone else *****motely measured up. 

At age 44.5 my biologic clock went off with a bang. I turn (gads - I can't even say it) a Big One next year. One of those numbers with a 0 after it that you think in your youth you'll never get to.

My adopted daughters are 14 and 12.5, and I am incredibly blessed and happy to be their Mom. 

There is life after 40, and yes, even after 50. 

At age 34 - and 180# lighter - you have the very best part of your life still ahead of you- embrace it!!

You have to put yourself out there, tho. It generally won't come knocking. SEIZE THE DAY!!

{{{{HUGS!!}}}}

I'm so glad you've lost so much weight.  That's great work and you have all sorts of good opportunities ahead of you!  You are just beginning.

I know many people who met later in life than 34, and had excellent lives together with or without children.  From someone whose 68 years old, 34 is really young! You have no idea what is ahead of you!  We didn't adopt our children until I was 37 and 38.  It seemed late to start a family to me, but I'm here now with two grandchildren, and it all was quite a ride.

So try to be optimistic.  A lot can happen in just a few years.  My sage (or not so sage) advice is to pursue the things that interest you.  Make new friends through your activities, hobbies and work.  Keep the faith, and trust yourself.  I think you have much to look forward to in your life.

best wishes,

Carol

First let me say that without even knowing you I feel your pain. I have been single for 10 years now and it looks like that is going to be my destiny. I have learned to do things on m own, but it isn't always fun. There are days where  I wish i had a spouse like everyone else, but i make the best of every day no matter what.  Keep calm and your girl will come along soon enough- you are still YOUNG!

I also want to congratulate you on your weight loss and i also want to ask you for any tips or advice you can give me.  I just started my journey , my surgery was November 9th- had the sleeve.

Keep your head up- you are winner no matter what.

Exercise. Lots of protein and very few carbs. I swear. I occasionally allow myself an indulgence and am not puritanical with my food plan. Nothing wrong with that if one is...but I like to step off the wagon once and a while. 

You're almost a month out. How do you feel? 

Hello,

Thanks for the tips. I barely started walking last week. half a mile everyday.  I am only allowing myself 20 grams of carbs a day. I hope that isn't too much.  I am not going to lie, i miss a good sandwich or cheeseburger ! 

I feel great, however i feel like I am not losing weight just inches. Do you think that is normal? I dont have a scale so its hard to tell.

Keep in touch.

When I had my surgery I did not realize how out of shape I was because it felt like I wa**** by a truck. 

There will be a times when you lose inches but not a pound and there will be times when you lose pounds but not inches. Just wait until you lose bigger amounts. 

I also was in pain for about a month. Some pain was sharp at first and then there were dull aches that came along with the healing. 

Also, get a scale. It will help you. 

My appetite was gone for about 5 months and there are still times that it will go away. I always have my protien shakes to rely on and when I do not feel like eating they are a god send. 

Also, nothing wrong with a cheese burger...just no bread...and make sure that you are using quality meat.