My mind trying to revert to my Pre-op ways

Here I am only 5 days out and my mind has already tried to bring me back to my pre-op thought process.

I would never eat a lot in front of my children. I did not want them to see me stuffing my face and think that it is ok to do so. Plus I was just embarrassed. I would "treasure" the times when my wife took one or both of my sons out of the house because that was when I could really let it go and stuff my face.

Last night my youngest son was supposed to have football practice. My wife was going to take him. I was not even thinking about eating...the thought had not even crossed my mind.

We then got the notice that practice was cancelled due to inclement weather. I suddenly got this familiar feeling of disappointment and despair because I would not be able to gorge myself. And again, the weirdest thing was that I was not even thinking about eating anything before. It was a completely subconscious response

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My mind and my habits will be the biggest challenge to me losing weight.

It's true...the mind is the hardest to chance! At almost five years out, I STILL find myself (when alone in the house) wandering to the pantry. It's a hard habit to break. I just try to think of food as fuel, eat high protein foods that are on my plan, and limit snacks and carbs. I also have started going to the gym after work since evenings were when I used to imbibe too many calories. Keeping myself busy at the gym means a couple of hours I am not snacking.

I have written this before - I vividly remember when sh*t got real...I was about a month post-op, had an AWFUL day at work that was so stressful. Before surgery, I probably would have gone home and ordered a medium pizza and scarfed it down. Well, I got home and put a chicken sausage in the toaster oven, and took it out, cut it up, and ate half before I was "stuffed". I realized, I can no longer eat my feelings! I can't eat when I am bored or sad or happy or [insert emotion here]. I had to actually deal with life. It's a transition but if you keep your eye on the prize, you can succeed.

I got to my goal in two weeks short of one year. From 351 to 160. I did this by:

Weighing my food on a digital scale. I can't eyeball 2 or 3 oz. I have to weigh.

PLANNING. The night before, usually. That kept the urges to binge at bay - the night before, I would input my meals into MyFitnessPal app on my phone and that way I knew exactly what I was having the following day and that it fit into my protein and calorie and carb goals (more than 60 g protein, less than 30 g carbs during weight loss phase was my goal).

Drinking gallons of water. The more hydrated I was, the more I lost and the less I ate. I still drink at least 100 oz of water a day. I used to do flavored (add Crystal Light drops) but now I prefer plain.

Moving. I wear a FitBit and I always aimed for 10,000 steps a day.

Good luck! It's good to realize how powerful your mind is and I hope you can find some coping tricks to avoid the temptation to secretly eat. We all struggle with our habits!

I was also a "secret" binger! It was one of my favorite things to do and I would plan for it. Then feel super bad afterwards, of course.

You should be proud of yourself for noticing and understanding the urge. You're 100% right that it isn't about hunger....and is the hardest part to fix.

You've got this!!

Sadly, surgery only operates on your stomach and not your brain. If you're not already seeing a therapist, I highly recommend that you add one to your team to help you work through all of the brain stuff. For me, the brain stuff is where long term success will happen - my stomach isn't what made me super morbidly obese, after all. My brain did that.

I can definitely relate to this. I've had a couple of similar experiences, where I started to feel anticipation and almost like a "high" in a situation where before surgery, I would have bought junk food or ordered a pizza. I had no thoughts of doing so, nor any conscious desire for them. But I got this weird rush all the same (and the crashing disappointment when my brain realized that no, I won't be buying or eating those things, I'll be eating my program-compliant dinner as planned)

It's the neuronal pathways in our brain, which we build by repeating a behaviour over and over again until it becomes second nature. Us newbies are now making radical changes in our relationship to food and how we manage our emotions.

My therapist said forming new habits and behaviours can feel like trying to write with the wrong hand. But if a right handed person loses their right arm, they learn to use their left hand. It's difficult and takes time, patience, and dedication, but over time they develop new neuronal pathways in their brain and learn to function with their left hand.

Totally relate. During this journey, part of my attachment to food is that I tie it to fun, happy or joyful events. I definitely subconsciously thought of food as integral to fun (maybe I still think it..but trying to work on it)---so if it wasn't there, an experience was "less": Planning a vacation, I felt a little crestfallen when I realized that I shouldn't really bother making reservations at a great restaurant. I'd get excited for a party, and then find myself just slightly less excited when I realized that I wouldn't be eating all that party food. Heck, even Friday nights took adjusting--that's a night when we'd order food and that was part of the fun of Friday nights. The first Friday night after my surgery, I realized that I'd be eating broth, and that made me feel a pang of disappointment--not hunger pangs. Now, during each of these events, my body felt totally satisfied after eating my on-plan food instead. But I still need to work on decoupling the fun from the food.