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| Author | Message |
 LOS ANGELES, CA Member Since: 05/26/03 [Latest Posts] | Post Date: 5/5/07 1:35 pm Hello OH!
Just wanted to give all of you the straight poop on my story and the press stuff.
Some of the facts in People and National Enquirer were conflicting (as were some of the TV media). I gave the People mag reporter an interview. After People came out I was contacted by a news agency who sent a reporter to my home. The agency then sold the story to print media. TV shows have their own interviewers. Hence, the following post...
Here are the facts:
Stats:
My highest weight was 389. Weight at surgery was 379 (10/16/03). I lost 230 pounds whi*****luded the 53 pounds of excess skin that was removed during my lower body lift (I have not had any work on the breast, mid stomach or "back fat"). I gained 10 pounds during the last year and a half do to poor eating habits. I also gained 20 pounds when I was placed on Paxil after deciding I needed to do something about my overwhelming anxiety (causing the addictive overeating and shopping). I changed meds after two months and now take Lexapro. Much better and causes little/no weight gain. OK...so I am now at 175. I am 5'1. I want to lose 50 pounds. This is one of the goals I am working on.
I live in Los Angeles: close to Beverly Hills (5 miles) but not BH. The People report got it wrong. She was from NYC. I have never owned a home nor so I own one now. I'd love to be a home owner, but right now that is not in the cards.
My Addiction:
First off, I have always loved to shop and eat. As a child food and gift (shopping trips) were rewards and also comforts. If we were celebrating we celebrated with food ("Let's go out to dinner to celebrate!"). Shopping was the same. If we (my sister and I) were sad we would be taking shopping to "buy just a little something." or be given a cookie. I am sure some of you can relate.
So, in my child's mind I equated food and shopping as comfort, highs...both made you feel good. As I got older it was the same.
I felt so good eating and shopping. I felt happy, loved, and safe.
In retrospect, these were the beginnings of my addiction. I never went the way of alcohol or drugs because I did not like the feeling of being "out of it." I looked for a different high or self medication. I did smoke for a while and quit 5 years ago. It was the easiest thing for me to quit. I heard recently that quitting smoking is harder then quitting heroin: chemically speaking. I guess I am just a different kind of addict. I quit after being hospitalized for 15 days with abnormal double pneumonia and severe asthma. I felt what it was like to suffocate and never wanted to feel that way again.
Interesting that I could still eat myself to death.
Genetically speaking my family does have a propensity toward obesity. Mom and Dad both were over weight during many times in their lives (my sister is a freak  who is thin and tall!). I have a thyroid disorder and had been overweight by 25 pounds or so in jr/high school. As I got older I got heavier. Morbid obesity came after I hit 30. I was considered super morbidly obese at the time of my surgery.
At the time I decided to have WLS I had been to all the diet programs: Nutrisystem, Weigh****chers, Fen Phen...
I also had been in therapy for three years at that time. I never stopped going. Even during all my lying and shopping I kept going weekly. I still do.
How awful: I lied to my therapist. No one was safe from my lies and deceit. I now look back and feel so much shame and guilt.
Job and School and WLS:
In 2003 I had just finished a very intensive Master's degree program in Counseling Psychology and was working with patients at a local counseling center. I also headed up a Worksource Job Search center for Goodwill Industries where I helped disabled persons find jobs. I found that I could not stand or walk very well. I was out of breath, limbs hurt, my asthma was horrible. I just could not go on.
I went for my first visit with Cedars Bariatric program in Jan 2003. At the same time I began my Doctoral program.
After surgery, I had a few minor complications but was ready to get back to work after three weeks. The Friday before I was to go back to Goodwill I received a phone call from HR at 9pm! I was told the due to budget cuts my job had been discontinued and I had been laid off. This was when California had cuts many programs with the Department of Rehab: the persons who funded the program I ran.
So, there I was: no food, new "stomach," and no job. Unbeknownst to me my anxiety began to overwhelm me. As I lost weight and had more energy I began to shop more. I wanted to look good for interviews. It was a simple thing. Not a harmful thought. However, somewhere along the way I got out of control. As my anxiety grew (a thing I would deny for a long time) my shopping habit did too. It became a compulsion.
I would go to school in the evenings and weekend. A little FYI to clarify my education: I attended Ryokan College weekly for my Psy.D (Doctor of Psychology) in Clinical Psychology ( Ryokan also has an online program which I DID NOT utilize).
Addiction:
I would say about eight months after surgery I had a pretty bad shopping habit. I was desperate for a job and missing my comfort food.
I began to max out my credit cards (my credit was never hot due to my in ability to budget) but I was able to get credit at that time. I was juggling bills and hiding purchases.
Because I was out of work I was given permission to used my parents Amex card to buy books for school and for my dissertation. Soon, I began using it for other things: ordering groceries, make-up, books, household items, etc.
I would lie about the purchases to my parents and husband. This was the time I began to "black out." I would do a lot of Internet shopping at night and wake up only to see several order confirmation e-mails. I didn't remember placing the orders!!!! Boxes would pile up at the front door to our apartment. Again, I had no memory or ordering the goods. I made so many orders I would forget what I had purchased. It was as if I would get so wound up in shopping that I would hit the order button without a care.
The shame and guilt, the hiding, the fear of being caught or getting evicted was terrible. At times I wanted to die...just go away...hide in a hole in the ground...not think!
So, I shopped more. When I did I forgot the anxiety temporarily.
I had my plastic surgery in April 2005 and was getting married in June 2005. The anxiety and addiction grew.
Finally, after lying to my loved ones for months I received a phone call from my Father. It was June 2006. The bill was for $3000.00. He called me a liar and a thief. Both my parents refused to speak to me. My husband was though with everything and said if "it doesn't stop" then he would leave.
I called my therapist and said I needed help. We spoke for two hours and I finally had to admit that I was addicted to the high I got from shopping. I finally admitted I had all this anxiety and was using shopping for comfort. It was so hard to admit. Lying to myself was a habit, as well.
You have to know that my family and loved ones are important to me. Hearing that I was I thief and "killing my Father" was the slap I needed to get back to reality.
Anxiety Disorder runs in my family. Both my Mother and Sister are highly anxious. As an adolescent I would see them having anxiety attacks and being very impatient, paranoid...it was not something I wanted to be. I guess, again, in my juvenile mind I made the decision that that was NOT me! So, I pushed it back and used other things to quiet my anxiety.
I have $20,000 worth of debt. I do not make a lot of money. I hope to earn a decent salary once I am fully licensed. I am currently prepping for my state boards.
Presently, I am still in therapy, attend Debtor's Anonymous meetings and take Lexapro. I work hard to stay on a budget and to actually FEEL my emotions. I don't stuff them away. I am CONSCIOUS of my addictions and my tendency to stuff away my feelings.
I am in RECOVERY. Not healed! I have slipped recently and over shopped. I recognized it immediately, and went back to budget.
I tell my story because it may help someone. Addiction is a terrible thing. My heart breaks for all the addicts and persons who are in recovery out there.
Addiction takes many forms. This is one.
Every WLS patient is not an addict nor will they transfer their addiction if they are. It can happen. Being aware is the key. Professionals need to discuss this with bariatric patients.
As for the patients I see. Many of them are children who have ADHD, need anger management help, are addicts. I do psychoeducational assessment, family counseling, etc.
My bariatric patients and those who are suffering from addictions tell me that since I have chosen to tell my story they feel safer with me.
I feel that being conscious of my addiction and anxiety helps me with my patients. If I am in a place of truth I can assist them to come from truth.
Blessings to you all. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I am grateful to you all.
Dr. Marcy |
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 | Post Date: 5/5/07 2:01 pm Good for you doc! It takes a lot of strength to be honest about these things and I'm sure your story can be a great inspiration for many people. |
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LOS ANGELES, CA Member Since: 05/26/03 [Latest Posts] | Post Date: 5/5/07 2:03 pm Thanks so much for the support. Just want to let people know what to be aware of.
oxoxoxo Dr. Marcy |
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 McMinnville, OR Member Since: 03/24/06 [Latest Posts] | Post Date: 5/5/07 2:09 pm Hi Dr. Marcy! Thanks for telling your story! It is really great to know that I'm not the only one going through these things, that it can happen to anyone. I did have a quick question, you were on paxil for 2 months and gained 20 pounds?!? Is that one of the commen side effects? I recently sought treatment for my depression and anxiety (which I've been dealing with unsucessfully most my life) when I was suddenly fired from my job as a CNA, accused (falsley) of abuse with a pending state investigation (making it difficult for me to find another job), and then two weeks after being fired, I come to find that my daughters father was beating her in his care - she came home with black and blue welts on her butt (she's 3, and yes I called the police and reported him). I pretty much had a breakdown and the doctor put me on paxil, 30 mg. Since I've been off work, I've noticed that I've been gaining weight (even if i'm not sure how much, my scale only goes up to 380lbs, and I've been over that for months) I had to go up a size in clothes cause nothing fits and nothing i've been doing seems to work. If weight gain is a side effect of paxil, I'm surprised my doctor would prescribe it. One of the first things she tells me every visit is that I need to lose weight....
Sorry this was so long, I tend to ramble. lol :-)   1st mini-goal: 425 |
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LOS ANGELES, CA Member Since: 05/26/03 [Latest Posts] | Post Date: 5/5/07 2:26 pm I am sorry for all your stress. It sounds so overwhelming! Good that you sought your docs help. I must first say I am not an MD. I do know know about psychotropic meds. Paxil is excellent for your mental stess, however it can cause metabolic weight gain (per my Psychiatrist who is a WLS patient himself). I tried it because my Mother and Sister had done so well on it and not gained. BUT!!! Not me!! I'd ask your doc. Perhaps you can try Lexapro or another SSRI with lower weight gain side effects. Keep me posted and my prayers for a speedy end to all the trauma. Dr. Marcy |
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 Stepford, OH Member Since: 12/26/06 [Latest Posts] | Post Date: 5/5/07 2:14 pm Thank you! We have similar ways of coping with anxiety! I am also on Lexapro. Can I ask what dosage you are on? I am currently on 20mg day and doc was talking about moving me to 40mg., that is why I ask. Thanks again for sharing! hugs, Karen |
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LOS ANGELES, CA Member Since: 05/26/03 [Latest Posts] | Post Date: 5/5/07 2:30 pm Hi there!
I started at 20mg and am now on 40mg. That's a pretty standard dose. I also take L-tyrosine (550mg) and GABA (500mg). Both are natural amino acids. L-tyrosine is the precursor to Dopamine which some docs think is lacking inpeople who are anxious, have addiction problems, and are depressed. GABA is the brains calming chemical. Both are also good for ADHD.
Of course check with your doc first!
oxoxoxo Dr. Marcy |
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 Member Since: 09/23/06 [Latest Posts] | Post Date: 5/5/07 2:30 pm Hey Dr. Marcy Thanks again for sharing your story with all of us. I love the fact that you are so open and honest about the good things about this journey as well as the bad. Anyone that meets you will see that right away. It is so true about some people transferring those addictions because I was always into food and shopping from a very young age. I was able to cope with the food thing cuz it took years to catch up with me and although I miss living In So Calif. It is the best for me that I don't because of my shopping problem here in New Mexico the shopping is not good and I don't do the internet. But when I go home I do some major damage at South Coast and Fashion Island. Thanks again for sharing your story with us and being so honest. Love, Mary Ann |
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LOS ANGELES, CA Member Since: 05/26/03 [Latest Posts] | Post Date: 5/5/07 2:33 pm You're so welcome sweetie. You are such a doll and meeting you was such a pleasure. It's so great you know your where you have probelms and are conscious of it. That's the whole thing: consciousness.
I stay away from South Coast and Fashio Island...too dangerous!
oxoxoxo Dr. Marcy |
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 Metairie, LA Member Since: 03/06/07 [Latest Posts] | Post Date: 5/5/07 2:48 pm A shopping addiction seems so foreign to me. I would have never been able to wrap my mind around that concept, except I saw this addiction in my dearly beloved neice. It was as painful for her as any other addiction, and almost distroyed her marriage.
Thank you for being so up front. I wish I could find therapy in my area with someone who understands food addiction. Dianna |
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LOS ANGELES, CA Member Since: 05/26/03 [Latest Posts] | Post Date: 5/5/07 2:56 pm Thank you so much for your comment. It's ahrd to understand unless you've been there. $20,000 for some is not much debt but for me it is devastating.
Now...for you. I know Metairie! My husband's family is from New Orleans. I've been to Metairie many times. I am sure there are food specialists in the New Orleans area. Let me know if you need some resources for finding a therapist. There may be some 12-step or other group, as well.
Feel free PM me and I'll give you my e-mail.
oxoxoxox Dr. Marcy |
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 Victorville, CA Member Since: 09/22/06 [Latest Posts] | Post Date: 5/5/07 2:48 pm Hi honey! I'm so sorry that the press got some things wrong with your wonderful story that you have so bravely shared with the world! You know I think you are the greatest and I have so much respect for you! You are an amazing woman and such an inspiration to a lot of us here on OH and in the world!!!! Thanks for sharing the whole story here to help others that may have similiar issues.
I'm sending you mail next. big hugs and much love, Becky  
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LOS ANGELES, CA Member Since: 05/26/03 [Latest Posts] | Post Date: 5/5/07 2:57 pm Oh Becky you are such a love!!! I enjoyed spending time with you!!!
Can't wait to see you again. Let's make it soon! We are not too far apart!
oxoxox Dr. Marcy |
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 Way Up North, MI Member Since: 09/25/03 [Latest Posts] | Post Date: 5/5/07 4:08 pm hi marcy! i have followed you for over 3 years now and i continue to be so much in awe of your ability to share.....your story-the truth as you tell it not people mag or anyone else- needs to be told and retold as i am sure that it will help many others.
someday; i still hope to meet you in person!
again...thanx for sharing! I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult.
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LOS ANGELES, CA Member Since: 05/26/03 [Latest Posts] | Post Date: 5/5/07 9:53 pm Hi Margo,
Thank you so much for you post. One of these day we WILL meet!!
oxoxoxo Dr. Marcy |
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 Toronto, Canada Member Since: 08/27/06 [Latest Posts] | Post Date: 5/5/07 4:32 pm Thank you for sharing Marcy! I wish you well! |
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LOS ANGELES, CA Member Since: 05/26/03 [Latest Posts] | Post Date: 5/5/07 9:55 pm You're so welcome!!!
oxoxoxox
Much love! Dr. Marcy |
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 Member Since: 07/30/04 [Latest Posts] | Post Date: 5/5/07 5:44 pm Dr Marcy,
I am right there with you, in my house food=comfort and when I was starving myself, i.e. my teenage years shopping=comfort. I either ate or shopped and then when I got really out of control I did both. Its sad people can't understand how addictive food can be in the way of comfort, especially when we are completely miserable. I had a severe eating disorder for many years, bullimia which I thought I was hiding well, turns out it wasn't so well. But I have since gotten myself to give up that binge/purge mentality, although when I clean I still like to purge and toss everything out. As for shopping, now I love to shop but I am a bargain shopper so its not so big a problem. I still seek the comfort of shopping on occasion, but when I am very sad nothing consoles me anymore. I lost all my comforting mechanisms. Its hard, sometimes my life is overwhelming to me, Xanax helps in those instances. I wish I could have what I need to be completely fullfilled, I am hoping and praying one day I will.
Thanks for sharing your story, its one we all need to see.
Hugs Heidi |
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LOS ANGELES, CA Member Since: 05/26/03 [Latest Posts] | Post Date: 5/5/07 10:04 pm Hi sweetie!
You are so brave. You have always been with your posts: so honest and truthful. I think complete fulfillment would still leave you wanting more...that's the thing we are never fulfilled. We all need to learn to reach for the stars but be happy with the earth.
Love you sweet lady...you're the best!! Dr. Marcy |
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 Buckley, WA Other (09/28/06) Member Since: 06/18/06[Latest Posts] | Post Date: 5/5/07 8:11 pm Dr . Marcy , It really helps us to hear this . I have a very addictive personality . I get obsessed with things or activities . Kind of like binging , but instead of food , it's other things . Such as : Autograph collecting (not a biggee now) , taking percocet after surgery (liked it too much) , EBAY . I can become addicted to many things & then it bores me eventuially . My parents were alcoholics , so i've never drank much . And like you , I had no problem quiting smoking . Thanks for being so open & caring . xoxox Kathy |
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