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    divataunia
    Nashua, NH
    Member Since: 08/20/07
    [Latest Posts]

    Hey All,

    A friend of mine recently had an experience with her doctor that I want to share.  When she was in the room with the doctor (an older woman), the Dr. said to her, "I had a larger person in here
    before you...this is the cuff for fat people but you get the regular one."  (My friend is overweight and works diligently to keep healthy and lose weight).  This same doctor has also said to her, "Weigh****chers is the best and only way to lose weight."  Even after said friend told her she had lost 20 lbs on her own with diet and exercise, the doctor still shook her head and said, "No, Weigh****chers is the best way."

    I was horrified to hear that she said the cuff was for "fat people."  This actually started a conversation between us about the social stigmas of weight prejudice vs. what is the balance
    of responsibility for them and the other person.

    Is that any different if the other person is in the service industry (e.g. a
    doctor, teacher, UHaul rep)? For instance, certain words have big
    social stigmas (e.g. "fat"), so what's the line of protecting a
    person's feelings and not using that word...and being honest and using
    a word that 'accurately' describes someone's physicality without,
    necessarily, the negative intent that is typical of the word (so
    stereotyping the word instead of looking for other meanings of intent
    (e.g. body language, tone of voice).

    She also happens to be a minority (she's asian) and deals with the impact of being both asian and overweight.  She also brought up an interesting topic dealing with that:  Do people 'expect' certain races to be more likely to be fat than others, therefore it's more of a surprise when the other races are fat?

    She's going to co-host the Backstage Pass Radio Show  with me next Monday (6-7pm EST), and we're going to focus on these topics - the social impacts and prejudices of weight.  Would love, love, love to get some feedback and thoughts on this!   Please feel free to leave your thoughts here, and I can keep comments anonymous on-air.  And as always, your calls into the show are highly encouraged!  (347) 857-2052

    Thanks a bunch for your thoughts and views on this!


    Cheers,

    Diva Taunia | Backstage Pass Radio & Blog

    www.divataunia.com

    www.divatauniadolls.com

    www.backstagepassradio.com

    www.facebook.com/divataunia

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    jill36
    Six Lakes, MI
    Member Since: 11/18/07
    [Latest Posts]

     I believe there is a big stigma about being overweight.  From the way that people look at you on the street to comments made.  My own mother is horrified that I am "big" as she puts it because she thinks that it reflects poorly on her! She makes comments that I must not have any willpower or I could lose the weight on my own.  I have a lot of health problems that are not weight related, but, they make losing weight difficult for me.  This is one of the reasons I have opted for the RNY. I hope that your segment will open a lot of people's eyes to the issue.
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    divataunia
    Nashua, NH
    Member Since: 08/20/07
    [Latest Posts]

    Thanks, Jill.  I agree.  Fat prejudice is one of the last "socially acceptable" prejudices.  We see it all the time in the movies, on tv,etc.  But last week I had a caller that made an interesting point:  she said that even heavy people are prejudice against fat sometimes.

    First - let me just say that I'm sorry about your mother's comments.  I can *totally* relate....and on the flip-side, I can also see how your mom might think it reflects poorly on you (i.e. what was she feeding you when you were younger, why didn't she help to control your health, etc).  I work pretty diligently with my step-kids on health and nutrition, and it's a really difficult balance to promote healthy eating habits and not be overbearing.  Tricky!  But even still, it's no less hurtful to hear something like that from your own mom, I know.

    I appreciate your comments and thoughts - thanks a bunch!



    Cheers,

    Diva Taunia | Backstage Pass Radio & Blog

    www.divataunia.com

    www.divatauniadolls.com

    www.backstagepassradio.com

    www.facebook.com/divataunia

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    Bette B.
    Member Since: 08/25/03
    [Latest Posts]

    To me, they are not mutually exclusive. Yes, I was fat. Yes, I was also responsible for that. But that doesn't mean that the world gets to be mean.

    As for this doctor, I hope he's getting kickbacks from WW!

    After I had my banding, I had to see my OB/GYN for my annual. He remarked that I had lost some weight and I told him about getting banded. He insisted that Atkins was the best and only proven weight loss method. Turns out he was all jazzed up about it because he had just started it. Long story short, I've kept my weight off and he's gained all of his back. (laughs) There's a certain bit of schadenfreude in that for me!

    Over 8 years with my band and still knowing I made the right choice!

    * Bette's blog: http://thatcrazytattooedbaldbroad.wordpress.com/

    * Follow me on Twitter @BaldbroadBette

    * Friend me on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/Cre8TV

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    divataunia
    Nashua, NH
    Member Since: 08/20/07
    [Latest Posts]

    "To me, they are not mutually exclusive. Yes, I was fat. Yes, I was also responsible for that. But that doesn't mean that the world gets to be mean."   - One word:  AMEN.

    What's interesting to me is also the impact of the gender of the doctor:  it was a "she."  We expect women to be so much more sensitive, but obviously not in this case.

    And Atkins?  Seriously?  Oy. 

    Congrats on your
    schadenfreude.  After a lifetime of dealing with weight-issues, I think that it's understandable to get a bit of joy from that.  :)


    Cheers,

    Diva Taunia | Backstage Pass Radio & Blog

    www.divataunia.com

    www.divatauniadolls.com

    www.backstagepassradio.com

    www.facebook.com/divataunia

        Facebook Twitter Google YouTube pinterest Blog RSS Facebook Page Klout Soundcloud

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    Bette B.
    Member Since: 08/25/03
    [Latest Posts]

    I have to tell you what makes me madder: formerly obese people who now look down on and denigrate the still-obese.

    I was at a post-op support group and one of the postops commented about how much the "fat people" she saw at the mall bothered her, especially in the food court when she saw how much they ate. (laughs) Guess who brought the polite conversation to a screeching halt? Yep. That would have been ME!
    Over 8 years with my band and still knowing I made the right choice!

    * Bette's blog: http://thatcrazytattooedbaldbroad.wordpress.com/

    * Follow me on Twitter @BaldbroadBette

    * Friend me on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/Cre8TV

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    thisbe777
    Member Since: 08/22/09
    [Latest Posts]

    "I have to tell you what makes me madder: formerly obese people who now look down on and denigrate the still-obese."


    i guess we can add them to the list with the former smokers and hookers who found religion... 




    jeris


    To live would be an awfully big adventure -- Peter Pan

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    Bette B.
    Member Since: 08/25/03
    [Latest Posts]

    I don't know any  former hookers, so I'll take your word on it. And yes, former smokers are notorious!
    Over 8 years with my band and still knowing I made the right choice!

    * Bette's blog: http://thatcrazytattooedbaldbroad.wordpress.com/

    * Follow me on Twitter @BaldbroadBette

    * Friend me on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/Cre8TV

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    Linda M.
    Long Beach, CA
    Member Since: 10/06/08
    [Latest Posts]

    OMGosh, an Avenue Q reference, where's my CD?
    Don't mess with womyn/dragons for you are crunchy and good with reduced fat honey mustard on the side...


        

                
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    Bette B.
    Member Since: 08/25/03
    [Latest Posts]

    I was listening to my iPod in the kitchen not 5 minutes ago and guess which song came up?

    Over 8 years with my band and still knowing I made the right choice!

    * Bette's blog: http://thatcrazytattooedbaldbroad.wordpress.com/

    * Follow me on Twitter @BaldbroadBette

    * Friend me on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/Cre8TV

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    ladybugnessa
    Owings Mills, MD
    Member Since: 02/19/09
    [Latest Posts]

    see to me FAT is a descriptive word.   it's not a judgement.    what words would you think are NOT negative to describe people that are more than overweight.....

    the doctor was inappropriate in discussing any other patients at all...
    Nessa
    Ticker is from Day of Surgery.. weight goal is personal preference as I've MET my doctor's goal

    --


    HG/SW/CW/GW
    286/253/150/151


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    Bette B.
    Member Since: 08/25/03
    [Latest Posts]

    I agree! To me, it's like saying someone is "short", "bald" or "black": just a description. There is not necessarily an evil intent in using it.

    (FYI, disclaimer: my black husband has always said that there is nothing untoward in using the word "black.")

    Over 8 years with my band and still knowing I made the right choice!

    * Bette's blog: http://thatcrazytattooedbaldbroad.wordpress.com/

    * Follow me on Twitter @BaldbroadBette

    * Friend me on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/Cre8TV

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    Lucy V.
    Member Since: 06/23/08
    [Latest Posts]

    OMG...I just love your disclaimer. ha ha ha.

    Was: 344LBS (sz 28/30)   Now:187LBS (sz 14)   Want:175LBS (sz 12)

    JUST LIVE YOUR LIFE!

        
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    Bette B.
    Member Since: 08/25/03
    [Latest Posts]

    Hey, I'm just covering my bases! But I DO enjoy the fact that he's my "go-to" guy on issues of race, bias, etc.  And I guess I'm HIS go-to-gal for "all things white."
    Over 8 years with my band and still knowing I made the right choice!

    * Bette's blog: http://thatcrazytattooedbaldbroad.wordpress.com/

    * Follow me on Twitter @BaldbroadBette

    * Friend me on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/Cre8TV

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    RainyDayWoman
    Fridley, MN
    Duodenal Switch (10/07/08)
    Member Since: 09/09/07
    [Latest Posts]

    Assuming there's no sneer on the person's face, I don't object to "fat" as an adjective automatically.  But if your friend is even moderately overweight, it's likely she needs a large cuff (I have read that the average size 14 needs one!)  And the doctor could have easily picked a more neutral word like "large."  

    I do object to doctors who push dieting on their patients or have a very rigid idea of what is healthy.  Some people lose well on Atkins, some lose well on WW.  Most don't sustain their loss on either type of program, but they might find themselves feeling better eating more protein or more fiber and cutting back on other stuff.

    I definitely think people (at least in the US) expect Asian women to be slimmer than white or black women.   I have also noticed some Asian people can be very blunt about weight/size issues, so I am curious if your friend finds more pressure to be thin within the Asian community or the community at large?

    Lilypie - (SzbI)
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    "Just Elizabeth "
    Houston, TX
    Duodenal Switch (09/16/06)
    Member Since: 02/20/06
    [Latest Posts]

    I definitely think people (at least in the US) expect Asian women to be slimmer than white or black women. 

    I 100% agree with this. It was something I had to come to grips with myself being over here. The women from the Philippines are, mostly, very small and thin. Every once in a while you will run across one that does not fall into this category. The first few times it kind of shocked me. Then I realized that it was my problem in the way I was looking at an entire race.


    Elizabeth                                                      
    Back in the U.S.A.


    "I have lost the lumbering hulk that I once was.  I don't hide behind my clothes or behind my door.  I am part of life's rich tapestry not an observer."  Kirmy

            
                                                                                        
     

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    tabbyfree
    Katy, TX
    Member Since: 05/22/09
    [Latest Posts]

    I guess we expect medical professionals to be just that..professional.

    While I was going through all my testing to get approved for my surgery, i went to have the egd done. Ok, my surgeon works with alot of wls patients and since he is associated with this hospital and sends everyone there, i'm assuming the staff is used to seeing overweight patients. Everyone had always been very nice, professional, caring and helpful...well until i was laying in the room waiting to be knocked out so they could look in my tummy. Well the anesthesiologist (sp?) that was in there was about 115lb and quite crass. We were waiting for the dr and I was talking to the nurse. She asks me well what do you do? do you have a job? i was like what???? grrrrrrrrrr is she kidding me? i said of course i have a job! She said oh well i was just asking because many patients your size cannot get out of bed.

    Can I tell you I wanted to slap her face! Wtf is wrong with her??? Even at my highest weight i have always been vain...and active...if i was in bed it was because it was time for bed or a nap! I just could not believe what she said. I'm not exactly shy so i just responded, i'm very sorry for them, but i am quite active, have a child in college a boyfriend, a job...a very normal life, other than being severly undertall for my weight. *lol* You should think before you ask questions like that. And with that she left the room. What an idiot!
                        
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    Lucy V.
    Member Since: 06/23/08
    [Latest Posts]

    OMG...well first let me commend you for handling that situation with just decorum... I have always struggled with that but have managed to not kill anyone...yet. 

    But now a days with everyone spotlighting me it is getting harder and harder to control my nature.   Oh how I wish that **** would happen to me....Ooooo.  I would tear her up...Verbally (of course)...then use my size to threaten and intimidate her so she thinks twice next time she  about open her trap to a stranger. Ooooo, Ooooo. Gurl.

    Was: 344LBS (sz 28/30)   Now:187LBS (sz 14)   Want:175LBS (sz 12)

    JUST LIVE YOUR LIFE!

        
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    Waterwench
    portland, OR
    Member Since: 03/08/07
    [Latest Posts]

    FAT is just a word, and I think we should reclaim it the same way lesbians have reclaimed the word "dyke."

    I shocked the heck out of my son's adaptive PE teacher (skinny as a rail, by the way) when we were in a meeting together and she just could not place where she knew me. "Oh, you knew me when I was fat, Mrs. S. My face looks different now." We ended up having a very fruitful discussion about the words and connotations that go with descriptors like "fat."

    I once began a public speech by saying,"I'm FAT. Let's move on, shall we?" It got a huge laugh because people expected me to completely ignore my physical state and address some boring topic, but instead I was blatant and honest and said something probably the majority of them were thinking.

    I was FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT. The word cannot harm me, it's not a judgment and it's not who I am.
          
       "Fall down 7 times--STAND UP 8!"
                  
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    LoveLikeWinter
    Member Since: 03/16/09
    [Latest Posts]

    I agree. It’s just a word, a description. A fitting one, too. I WAS fat. How else would I say it? I wasn’t voluptuous, or round, or chunky, I was FAT. It’s just a word that described me. I'm more than just my weight, anyway.

    _Heather_
    Il faut souffrir pour être belle

    "When I get sad, I stop being sad, and be AWESOME instead. True story." -Barney Stinson/Neil Patrick Harris

    Lost 169 lb before getting pregnant!
    Mama to Aleksandar J.B., 11.26.11 <3 Now I know what true love REALLY is! <3
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