When it was gone, I purchased another box. There were only two Fudgesicles in the box and I could swear that there had been more in the first box. I felt ripped off, deprived. And that's where the trouble began.
I've been going through the second box at a much faster clip than I did the first. Sometimes two Popsicles in a sitting... but hey, I rationalized, they are only 10 calories each, and they help me meet my daily intake of liquids. A weight loss surgery patient must stay hydrated.
Still, I could not forgive the lack of Fudgesicles in the box. When I found a box of twelve sugar-free Fudgesicles in my local market yesterday, I snapped it up... why don't I just get a box of only Fudgesicles, I thought... well, I ate four in short order. Then four more by the end of the day. Two this morning, and the remaining two this evening. A dozen Fudgesicles gone in about 36 hours. And they are 35 calories each.
I saw what I was doing and it was frightening behavior.
Luckily for me, I had my Vipassana meditation group tonight. I realized during my time of mindful awareness--I was even plotting a run to the store for more Fudgesicles during the early part of meditation-- that I had better start exercising my "resistance" muscle a bit more, instead of my "giving in" muscle (thank you, Beck Diet Solution!). In that moment I could choose either course, and which one I chose could help set a pattern for the future. What was my intention, and where did I want to go next in my journey? I wrestled with that a while but by the time I got to my car, I knew...
I was headed home.
Oh sugar free Popsicles, how I love thee!! I wish you could buy a box of only orange flavored, I buy the mixed box and pick out all the orange ones, then the grape and I offer the cherry ones to the kids, I also buy those yummy sugar free fudgesicles but really limit how many I have, they sell out fast, so I will buy 4 boxes at a time if Super Walmart has that many, I like having them around for the kids too, they can grab one of those instead of begging for money when they hear that darn ice cream man's truck coming by.