"Selfish Brat"

on 4/28/11 10:16 am
I was called a Selfish Brat yesterday by my counselor......

I have been going through some extreme changes which has started from my weight loss.
I chopped and colored my hair pink, I have a much edgier style, and am seperating myself from the church I've been with all my life.

The reason she called me a brat, was because my husband and I had planned on getting our first tattoos together.  Well, he is deployed, and I discussed my getting one now, in an area that won't be effected by sagging.  He seemed slightly hurt I wasn't waiting, but was okay with it.

THAT's why I'm a brat.  Because I am only thinking about myself and not him.  We had planned something special, and because I can't wait (and when asked why I was doing it, I said "because I want to, and my friends want to" - it was thrown in my face).
She thinks my husband wouldn't deny me anything, but is really hurt I'm not waiting for him.

So, I brought this up with my husband this evening, and he said he really doesn't mind.  That I shouldn't internalize this too much, and don't worry about other people.

I just never thought of myself as being a spoiled brat before.  Am I focusing on "ME" too much?
I never focus on me, and with no one else around, that's what I have to focus on.

So, I was wondering how many of you have become self-absorbed in your new transformation?  Any situations you can share? 


My Story: http://mandaswljourney.blogspot.com/
VSG Surgery Date: Jan 20, 2011
Sharyn S.
on 4/28/11 10:30 am - Bastrop, TX
RNY on 08/19/04 with

No one can know if you were being selfish in this instance, except for you and your husband.

Sounds like you need a new counselor.  Their job is to HELP you find your own answers, your own way; not call you names.

Sharyn, RN

RIP, MOM ~ 5/31/1944 - 5/11/2010
RIP, DADDY ~ 9/2/1934 - 1/25/2012

on 4/28/11 11:47 am - Indianapolis, IN
 Taking care of yourself is selfless not selfish!
on 4/28/11 12:40 pm - TX
Are tattoos gonna be illegal or something by the time your hubby gets back?  What's the rush?  I'm all in favor of indulging yourself, but if getting the tats with your husband is important to him (and it seems it is), why can't you wait?
on 4/28/11 12:53 pm
I've been going to this counselor since 2008.  She knows me really well.  But, just when I think she really knows me, she goes and says stuff that confirms how she doesn't get me or my relationship with my husband.....
I'm not gonna throw away the relationship I've built with her over this, she in fact said I was "acting like a selfish brat", but still.  I let her know I didn't like it.

Concerning "the rush" for getting a tattoo - there is none.  The one I have planned out is to be put on my chest, and I HAVE to wait til I hit goal, and have PS. 
It dawned on me though, that I can get one somewhere that won't be effected by sagginiess, and I was excited about the idea.
I talked to him about it, and he said he didn't mind. 
When I talked to him about what my counselor said, and made him promise to tell me when something bothers him, he said "HONESTLY, I don't mind if you get a tattoo now."

I'd like to say I'm gonna wait.  Ideally I want to, but a year is a long time, and I can't say for certain.


My Story: http://mandaswljourney.blogspot.com/
VSG Surgery Date: Jan 20, 2011
Elizabeth N.
on 4/28/11 11:02 pm - Burlington County, NJ
Meh, you can get one now and still get one together later. I don't see the big deal on that.

HOWEVER, could it be that your therapist is using this one example to point out a trend she's seeing? If you have a long term, strong relationship, there is probably some basis for her using such strong (and ordinarily not very appropriate) language.
on 4/28/11 11:09 pm
the "big deal" about waiting is it will be both of our firsts. 

I don't see any kind of trend, as I have only been on this transformation since about March.
I think its a shock for her to see my change and it came out that way....


My Story: http://mandaswljourney.blogspot.com/
VSG Surgery Date: Jan 20, 2011
Tammy H.
on 4/29/11 8:43 am - Greenville, OH
You might want to think twice before putting a tattoo on your chest...I had one put on mine right above the clevage, and now I regret it bigtime...Mine now shows everytime I want to wear a top that is low cut...It was a tattoo that I want to keep private...It has handcuffs on it, and therefore I wouldnt want anyone at church to see it...So now I have to wear a cami and then my tops to hide the tattoo...It sucks!  I am thinking about having it moved...

Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only TRUE FRIENDS will leave footprints in your heart...And may that friendship have such a ONENESS that when one weeps the other will taste salt...Friends are like balloons ; once you let them go you can't get them back....So I'm going to tie you to my heart so I never lose you.

on 4/29/11 8:57 am
well, the idea is a trail of paw prints leading up to a heart, and maybe a big paw in the heart (im a BIG animal lover).  Therefore, the heart over my real heart made sence.   It's not private, but I'm not 100% certain how I'll feel at church or family.


My Story: http://mandaswljourney.blogspot.com/
VSG Surgery Date: Jan 20, 2011
Bette B.
on 4/28/11 12:54 pm
 How many (or, rather, how FEW) times in the past did you ever focus on yourself and not someone else? I know that I was (and still am, to a certain extent) so busy trying to take care of everyone else's problems that I never took time to deal with my own. Spoil yourself a little. It sounds like with your husband deployed, you may not have anyone spoiling you right now.


Banded 10 years & maintaining my weight loss!! Any questions, message me.

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