DIVORCE
(deactivated member)
on 5/7/11 1:22 am - Califreakinfornia , CA
on 5/7/11 1:22 am - Califreakinfornia , CA
On May 6, 2011 at 10:21 PM Pacific Time, marycatherine wrote:
First let me say that I am so sorry that this is happening to you. No matter how long you have been married, whether or not there are children, and whether or not there seems to be drifting apart the request for a divorce is a shock to the person who is being told that the marriage is over.We all change. Neither of you are the same person that you were when you were married. Every seven years, life changes. Think about the difference between a new born and a seven year old. A 14 year old and a 21 year old. There are also dramatic differences between 28, 35, 42, 49, 56, 63, 70, 77, 84, 91, 98, 105.
One of the good things is that you are young, healthy, and becoming slimmer every day. You can easily look forward to another 70 or 80 years of life. A lawyer told me that many people fall in love at 18 and by age 27 would have picked a totally different partner. That is the age when many of his clients came to him to start divorce proceedings. He said most were in happy second marriages by about 32 years of age.
As we mature, we are capable of making wiser choices. For now, get some rest, get some counselling, and take care of you. I know that this is not easy. If would be very helpful for you to look up the stages of grief. Divorce and death have the same effects on us. Here is a good site to start with http://www.livestrong.com/article/129455-seven-stages-grief-divorce/
There is at least a chance that he is doing this because he thinks you will dump him. I know I am a total stranger... But here is an observation.....
He is deployed... Most likely scared, lonely, and a bit down.
You are home.... losing weight, dying your hair, feeling amazing, getting a tat without him...
I am NOT blaming you... But this might just be more than he can do right now.
I suspect your marriage may actually not be over, but you have a scared husband thousands of miles away who, for whatever reason, doesn't know what else to do.
He is deployed... Most likely scared, lonely, and a bit down.
You are home.... losing weight, dying your hair, feeling amazing, getting a tat without him...
I am NOT blaming you... But this might just be more than he can do right now.
I suspect your marriage may actually not be over, but you have a scared husband thousands of miles away who, for whatever reason, doesn't know what else to do.
Mary SW 273 CW 158 GW 160
i dont think so. I already told him I'm waiting to get the tat with him.
We HAD a trust like no other, I would never cheat on him, and never ever thought him capable of cheating on me.
We've been distant, but he's a billion miles away, and busy and stressed and exhausted.
I dont expect him to talk to me every single day.....
apparently that was him avoiding me.
We HAD a trust like no other, I would never cheat on him, and never ever thought him capable of cheating on me.
We've been distant, but he's a billion miles away, and busy and stressed and exhausted.
I dont expect him to talk to me every single day.....
apparently that was him avoiding me.
I would like to say something, and I really hope you don't take it the wrong way, but is it possible that your husband may not appreciate things like the pink hair and your break with military custom and tradition?
As the daughter, and later a wife, of a military person, I am familiar with the straitlaced expectations that the military places upon their active duty members, and it goes without saying that your current "look" is not instep with the traditional expectations of a military wife.
If your husband holds with the traditional military perspective, then he may actually feel that the pink hair and such puts him at a disadvantage among his peers, which is an uncomfortable position for him to be in, and one that he simply may not appreciate.
When my father and husband were in the military, soldiers were expected to choose partners that carried themselves in such a way as to promote the military person's career, not hinder it, and I strongly suspect this has not changed all that significantly.
As a grown, supposedly mature married woman, I would suggest you might want to examine some things such as your reasoning for dying the hair pink? What, exactly, are you trying to put out there?
This type of hair expression is something one would expect to find in a teenager, not in a mature, serious minded married woman, especially one whose husband is serving in the military where appearance is so highly regimented.
Is it possible that your husband may feel that you are letting him down by adorning yourself like a teenager rather than a serious, mature partner?
Anyhow, just something to think about. If your husband is the serious career minded military type, he may want the same in a wife and is just not seeing that with you right now... just something to consider...
Wishing you the best.
While he may be serious, he may also just be under stress because of the deployment. My husband and I had some serious arguments while he was deployed. He would tell me he thinks we're over one day, and then act like it never happened the next.
Just wait it out a day or so and IM him again and see what happens. Deployments can be really hard on a relationship and sometimes you will both say things you may regret.
I wish you luck and hope things turn out for the best.
Just wait it out a day or so and IM him again and see what happens. Deployments can be really hard on a relationship and sometimes you will both say things you may regret.
I wish you luck and hope things turn out for the best.
- Shaw
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