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| Author | Message |
 Member Since: 03/08/07 [Latest Posts] | Post Date: 2/8/12 8:31 am  I am overwhelmed with the kindness of people I have met through OH sometimes. I really am. I have met some of the best friends here. I have met hundreds of you at events. I am always uplifted and happy after events -- and can't wait to do it again.I appreciate every single kind word and action that I have read or received in the last nine years. Even if I don't say it - I appreciate it. Some of you out there have been amazing to myself and others. I know many of the friends I've met "here" are long gone -- but I found myself wondering... why did they leave this place? Why did they leave? It's hard to "read" someone's intention when they are just words on a page, pixels do not do a person's words justice. OH is about information and supporting individuals struggling from the mutual problem of morbid obesity. Or I suppose, should be? I do not see the support or helpful information very much anymore and it makes me sad. But it also opens up the opportunity for change. In my nine years here, I personally (how about you?) have never received so many negative remarks, comments, posts, messages and emails as I am getting right now, even with the slowing in traffic and postings. I've asked others in the greater community -- why they don't post here -- and the answers are ALWAYS THE SAME. I did POLLS about this! "WE WERE BULLIED AWAY FROM THE FORUM." "We hated to see all the negativity." "We got hurt." "Someone made me feel badly about posting there." "We didn't feel SAFE." "We were attacked for asking a simple question." "We hated seeing what they were doing to _________." "We weren't taken seriously." Etc, etc. You would think the answer lies in going away -- creating my own forum -- if I don't "like it here." Meh. I can. But -- OH doesn't HAVE to be this way. We are the community here. We CREATE the community. It seems that anything posted is viewed negatively -- and turns into a fight. I take ownership of my postings, I hate that I have feelings and feel compelled to respond to posts. I wish I could just shut OFF my caring. I can't. I try to play all bad girl and stuff, but it's far, far from the truth. Hell, I have been accused of faking my positivity. My real self is positive and friendly -- who knew? Something has GOT to give. Something has GOT to change. This is not how to create a community that cares about each other and has worthwhile information to share. We are doing a huge disservice to the greater WLS community -- those new members who land here -- looking for HELP? What do they get from us? Right. It isn't fair to new members to have to deal with OUR baggage. This isn't about moderation. This isn't about so + so. It's ABOUT US. We cause what happens here. Drop it. End it. What can we do to create the community we once had -- or to create an entirely NEW sense of community?    |
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 | Post Date: 2/8/12 8:59 am Last Edit: 2/8/12 8:08 am I would love to respond to this in a positive way , MM. But honestly I feel that as long as we the members don't feel SAFE posting our pictures and stories here ... when we feel we have to censor every single word that we post and carefully consider whether to risk PICTURES ... Given THIS set of new cir****tances ( the new TOS ) I DON"T think the site will regain the sense of trust , camaraderie and freedom here that we had here before . I don't understand why OH has created a TOS that basically bans members from utilizing the best, most unique features of the site - the ability to create profiles with pictures , blog , etc. |
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Member Since: 03/08/07 [Latest Posts] | Post Date: 2/8/12 8:59 am And as long as we bicker about it -- it won't happen. The constant attacks here aren't going to help create the kind of forum any of us WANT. |
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 Member Since: 02/01/12 [Latest Posts] | Post Date: 2/8/12 11:02 am Something Else wasn't bickering or attacking....she was stating the TRUTH as it stands today. I for don't feel safe at all posting personal information here. I've posted that I've had Cushings, have a mixed lab, drive a Jeep Grand Cherokee, that I'd like to start a garden and that I don't like and/or agree with AnneGG. That's about it. No pictures, no hint at where I live, other than the mountains, my name holds no clue to my identity.... nada. Put any of my posts on FB, that's fine because my husband is probably the only person in the world that could make the connections.....that's the way I want to keep it. |
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 Member Since: 05/31/10 [Latest Posts] | Post Date: 2/9/12 5:41 am Thanks for the public call-out. I don't do that to you- why do you do that to me? Do you think I'm not a person with feelings, or do you not care? You don't know me at all. You may not like what I post, but that isn't who I am. I have no problem with you not agreeing with me. Anne "What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly." "Support fosters your growth. If you are getting enough of the right support, you will experience a major transformation in yourself. You will discover a sense of empowerment and peace you have never before experienced. You will come to believe you can overcome your challenges and find some joy in this world." Katie Jay |
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 Member Since: 07/30/04 [Latest Posts] | Post Date: 2/8/12 8:16 am The only thing you can change is you, and how you react to **** My advice to you remains the same, post what you want to say and never ever defend your own thoughts, getting into a screaming match just makes you upset for no reason. I get no negative anything from OH, at the first sign of someone being a c*nt I block them, I don't take sh*t from anyone, especially not talking heads on the internet, where you don't know if someone is a real person or just a troll. I post on OH and try to give back because I feel it is the right thing to do, because it helped me when I started out and I felt like no one understood. I care about people and will be anyones friend and try to help. I just do no tolerate people who are mean or manipulative, I am also not an ass kisser, I am totally honest and if someone does something I don't agree with I may say so if I feel there is a need, otherwise I generally just ignore the comments. If someone doesn't like me or what I have to say, I encourage them to block me. Good Luck! |
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Member Since: 03/08/07 [Latest Posts] | Post Date: 2/8/12 8:45 am How do you read this board with everyone blocked, though? How is that part of a supportive community? How do we GET to that point? |
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 Castle Rock, CO Member Since: 07/05/08 [Latest Posts] | Post Date: 2/8/12 8:58 am I agree - I don't block anyone (although I'm blocked by a few). My way is to be able to fly right past those that **** me off and not react to being baited. I love a good discussion - and will "bite" on occasion but only if I DON'T think it's going to upset me. If it's too sensitive an issue for me, I absolutely DON'T engage! Most of what goes on here is just middle school crap and is barely worthy of an eyeroll to be honest. I think the best advice a newbie can ever have on here is to read, read, read and NOT post until they get the lie of the land - not how it should be, but how it is!!! RNY July 2004 |
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Member Since: 07/30/04 [Latest Posts] | Post Date: 2/8/12 10:18 am As to how I read this board with over 70 members blocked. Most of the ones I have blocked have left now. As for how I accomplished it before they did, it's a skill, you learn to read between the lines, and enough stuff is quoted so you see enough to get whats going on. I am an analyst, so I like the challenge of figuring out a puzzle. As to supportive communities..... A supportive community is about answering question and helping people on their journey, not creating cliques and the who's who of wls patients. I open threads and try to never leave without making a comment, I don't want to be a hit on someones counter but nothing to say. The minute OH started that hit counter I was upset, to see so many look and say nothing. Really this hasn't been a supportive community ever in my opinion. If you look at my history of posting you will see how much of what I say has been to try to help, answer questions or give compliments. Who else can say that? Sadly very few, about two people come to mind, and unfortunately you aren't one of them. How do we get people to change.... We can't, you can only control yourself. |
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Member Since: 03/08/07 [Latest Posts] | Post Date: 2/8/12 1:05 pm Alright. I'm attempting it your way. I've hired someone to slap me everytime I get the urge to respond. |
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Member Since: 05/31/10 [Latest Posts] | Post Date: 2/8/12 8:55 am Choose your battles carefully! Some are worth fighting, and change is hard for most of us. It helps me to have a purpose and a strategy, just the way a plan and a strategy makes weight loss and maintenance easier. I also have a planned approach for myself, whi*****ludes not taking stuff personally no matter what, staying off the defensive, and keeping clear about my goals. I view it all as practice for assertiveness skills in standing up for my values. Practice by its very nature includes lots of mistakes. Make mistakes part of the music. I practice growing my rhino hide. The other thing I try to remember is breakdown comes before breakthrough. The payoff for me is higher self confidence and better ability to dance with the **** that life can contain. It gets easier to stay thin that way. Anne "What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly." "Support fosters your growth. If you are getting enough of the right support, you will experience a major transformation in yourself. You will discover a sense of empowerment and peace you have never before experienced. You will come to believe you can overcome your challenges and find some joy in this world." Katie Jay |
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 Member Since: 12/16/11 [Latest Posts] | Post Date: 2/8/12 10:04 am What can we do to create the community we once had -- or to create an entirely NEW sense of community? In a controversy the instant we feel anger we have already ceased striving for the truth, and have begun striving for ourselves. -Buddha Maybe it's not the time for you to start or lead a crusade of peace but to follow one that is already started. There are plenty of people on here already participating in a healthy supportive community, give them your attention. Those who want to throw you off the path or distract you from doing good should be ignored (and blocked). I'm not saying this from a point of piousness, I'm really not, because I've been there and I know I still have a lot to learn. When things got rough on the first R&R I wanted peace and rainbows and puppies and by GOD people were going to have it no matter what the cost to me and my time because I was fighting the good fight, or at least what I thought was a good fight. The problem is that way of thinking is arrogant and left me vulnerable to my ego. Trust me every time I have left this board is not because of what someone else did to me but what I did to myself and because I became something I didn't like. It's not up to you to fix or alter how people online behave, they behave as they do. It's on you to listen to those who lead you in a right direction and to filter out those who are in pain and want to project that on other people. Beth, you have an amazing ability to do good and to reach people. It's a gift. I'm sure you have limited attention to give, spend it wisely. |
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Member Since: 03/08/07 [Latest Posts] | Post Date: 2/8/12 10:53 am Functional advice. Thank you. |
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 Utica, NY Member Since: 10/08/07 [Latest Posts] | Post Date: 2/8/12 6:21 pm CorpusMutatis, Beautiful inspiring words...Thank You!!! Melissa The journey of a 1000 miles begins with a single step!!! |
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 Northwest, IN Member Since: 08/23/07 [Latest Posts] | Post Date: 2/8/12 9:20 pm I have been a member who lurked on the board on and off for over 4 years. I mostly avoided posting due to the fear of being chewed out, bullied or what ever you want to call it. I have seen plenty of rude comments and bullying. I am a member of other WLS boards also and have seen the same behavior. The only saving grace for this board at times are the members who go out of there way to help people. It does still happen more so here than on other boards I have frequented. There are still many members who go out of there way to help others without being critical. I am trying to become more involved here. IMO I am trying to lean more towards the attitude of you get out of it what you put into it. So basically if I want support and friendship I also need to provide that for others who are here for the same purpose. As for the negative energies here I have blocked about 10 people here over the years. Some are gone now. I've heard I may be missing out on some of the great advice they give, but I personally can not handle the delivery method. I am, inherently, a people pleaser. I try my best to treat others as I want to be treated. If someone is ignorant to me though, my middle finger itches, my temper flairs and then I am no better than the person who riled me up in the first place. I don't need that energy. I feel if I want more from this board or any other I have to start with me. Kim B.  HW 295/ SW 281/ CW 209.6/ GW 155 The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. - Eleanor Roosevelt |
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Member Since: 03/08/07 [Latest Posts] | Post Date: 2/9/12 4:55 am You have a great attitude. |
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 Member Since: 06/16/01 [Latest Posts] | Post Date: 2/9/12 9:48 am We cannot change others; we can only change ourselves. I come to OH because it keeps me GROUNDED. I have only two people on ignore; one is now dead (RIP, yehuda), the other was thrown out (Diana). I view this website like a community garage sale; I take the things I can use, contribute a few things I think others can use, and leave the rest. I don't comment on the crap others contribute, unless I feel it is dangerous to the wellbeing of others. THAT. IS. IT. It keeps me sane. Marilyn (now in NM) |
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Member Since: 05/31/10 [Latest Posts] | Post Date: 2/9/12 12:41 pm Hear! Hear!!! Anne "What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly." "Support fosters your growth. If you are getting enough of the right support, you will experience a major transformation in yourself. You will discover a sense of empowerment and peace you have never before experienced. You will come to believe you can overcome your challenges and find some joy in this world." Katie Jay |
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