I love my Mother in law but sometimes she is just too honest. She was very supportive of my decision to get surgery but then she said something that has been nagging at me for days now. She shared her fear that I would lose weight and then think I am too good for my husband and leave him. Really, what a stupid thing to say! I'm not one to get offended easily but that was way out of left field! 

Remember your doing this for . . . yourself. . . your health. . . and your happiness. Love is love - I have seen 120 lbs guys with 400 lbs gals. And 5'11 girls with 3'11 guys - love is love and it does not change by looks. When you got married it was not for looks (at least I hope not). Just ignore your mother in law. Your making a great decission and if your husband is overweight then after your surgery you will teach him healthy habits (there wont be no more bread, rice and pasta in the house) and he will probably be healthier. Best of luck :o)

She was probably just voicing an irrational fear. I'm sure she meant no offense. I'd just try to let it go, or perhaps explain how you feel about your husband. Let her know you love him, not that you settled for him. When we change our lives with this surgery it also has an effect on those we love.

 Honestly, this in not an uncommon fear or idea AND it does happen quite a bit, so while it was wildly inappropriate that she said it to you, its actually something that does happen.

My ex Mother in Law said the SAME THING only bc she is not a nice woman put a nasty spin on it towards her son "She said I hope now that your skinny you don't decide to find someone better than Richie, after all hes not much of a looker."  I reassured her I would not.

Yeah we divorced, had nothing to do with my weight loss or him not being a looker and a lot more to do with him being a pervert freak, but im sure they tell everyone I lost weight and thought I was too good for him, thats much easier than them telling the real truth.

 I'm sorry your ex was a douche but I'm glad you got away if he was!

I have seen many many unhealthy couples just go day by day with status quo never trying to improve themselves or their relationship with their spouse. That's not us though and we are head over heels for one another big or small. My mother in law of all people knows it. I'm sure it was just an irrational fear, but it did catch me off guard to hear her go there!

These insecurity feelings are very common--but usually with the spouse. They'd most likely be afraid you'd lose a lot of wt, and look for a new husband. There are also cases of marriages breaking apart because wt loss has brought out new confidence, and you speak up.  Then again, there are some guys who like the "heftier women" and may leave because they feel you don't fit their image of the woman they want.  DAVE

 Too bad she feels so little of her son's worth. What is that: Low self esteem by proxy?  And what does it say she thinks about you? 

Your life will change, that's for sure - but I will bet that with communication and mutual support, that your relationship can be even BETTER! Good luck to you and hang in there!

 Exactly!!! lol 

Thank you!

These are not irrational fears..... be prepared to discuss such issues with your partner or even your children.  Many things will change in the coming months. Please do not dismiss anything your family might think of. You will have much to deal with in the coming months.

 I am not dismissing anything. These kinds of things would be whole heartedly addressed were it my HUSBAND expressing these fears but it was his mom. I am by no means trying to say that I know exactly what to expect after surgery, but I can say with 100% certainty that my feelings for my husband will not change in the very same way his feelings for me haven't changed. 

We don't all have horrible marriages walking a tightrope. To assume that just because some people were able to break free from bad situations after regaining confidence that it means all of our relationships are in peril is just not true.  

My mother in law said the same thing to me before my rny, she had a coworker that had wls and then went all girls gone wild and ended up divorced. I was offended that but was also glad that she addressed her fear to me, I just assured her that my morals,love and respect for my husband would not get smaller as I did. My husband has now also had wls and we are enjoying our life together even more than before.

It's not really out of left field if she is living with your husbands father and she knows what he potentially can turn into.  My ex mil said to me shortly before I got divorced that I should ******g run, not walk to the divorce court and divorce her son before he dragged me into the abyss also.  So not to frighten you but she might know something about him you don't, and judging from her comment it sounds like she likes you and doesn't want to lose you.  Many people get divorced after wls because they realize they settled for someone when they were MO that they don't have to settle for anymore.  Was it wrong to do, of course, does it happen, frequently.  Which means nothing really if you are happy and have a good relationship.

 Are you serious right now? You're projecting your own experience onto me even though I just got done quite clearly stating my adoration for my husband. I'm sorry that happened to you! 

 BTW--- She is twice widowed to two AMAZING men and she raised an AMAZING son. Not all men are animals. Like I said in my post I love my MIL and I trust her. I was only shocked she would say something so random like that considering how much time she's spent with us. She is much older though and sometimes she just says things without really thinking. 

And not all men age well, which is what my mil was talking about, my ex outside of the issues I was divorcing him over, was boring and cranky didn't want to do anything which is exactly what she was talking about (not wasting my life sitting on the sidelines because he didn't want to be an active participant in life), that it was just gonna get worse.  You have no idea what your mil endured when the doors were closed, no one does except the two people there.  With age comes experience.  I don't know where you got animal out of what I said, just that she told me to run from her son while I was still young enough to enjoy my life.  Her direct quote to me was if she had it to do over she didn't care if she had three small children she would have left his father if she knew what was facing her.  Sitting watching tv for the rest of her life was not her idea of fun.

 Different strokes for different folks. I just felt the need to defend my husband's honor. My mil has her reasons for making the statement but I can assure you that my story isn't like yours. I have been in a bad relationship before, and I am beyond blessed to have the one I have with my husband now.  

My husband "jokingly" says things like You're gonna get all skinny and hot and leave me for a hot guy.  He says those things thinking he is funny but I think it is really a reflection of his own self esteem.  What I am going to have to make him realize is that I love him no matter what size I am!
Did your hubby maybe say something to his mom to make her think he is worried?

My FORMER son in law said that too , after my daughter lost her weight , he became so insecure and controlling , that he wanted my daughter to call from the grocery store and HE would tell HER what she could buy. He told her that sanitary pads were not necessary  I told my daughter to use his white socks !!! he was an f'ing idiot , and it escalated after her surgery. She never even looked at another guy and she really loved him , but nobody could live like that !!!

 She just loves her son, can't fault her for that.  It is an insensitive comment, but it stems from her insecurity and nothing that you are responsible for.  The vsg changes things, and sometimes people have a hard time with change.  Don't let it bug you too much if you can help it.