I am in day six of my reduced calorie pre op eating plan. I was amazed by day two that the physical hunger wasn't much of an issue. I thought it would be much worse.
I also realized the tremendous power my emotions have played in my overeating. I discovered, or more appropriately, acknowledged, what I think is, head hunger this week. After dealing with a particularly awful person at work, which in itself is not unusual (it’s my job, at which I rock!) I had a kneejerk reaction to shove something in my mouth to comfort myself. I resisted. Yeah me! But because I allowed myself to feel it and work though it without food, a flood of emotion took me over and…and I began to cry! At work! Holy cow! This in itself caused more anxiety which many of you, especially ladies, will understand. (picture Tom Hanks yelling, “there’s no crying in baseball!”)
I spent the rest of the afternoon doubting myself and second guessing if the upcoming WLS will be of any benefit to long term change. If I can’t control the kneejerk urge to comfort myself with food, how will this ever work for me? I’ll lose the weight, then gain it back . Which would be devastating.
That evening, despite feeling sorry for myself, I forced myself to go to the pool. I even sat in the car outside the gym for ten minutes trying to think of a great excuse not to go in. My rational brain won and the next thing I knew I was at the front desk facing the terminally happy beast of a women, handing her my membership card.
By the end of my extra long swim all the negative feelings and doubt I had about the changes about to occur where gone. I felt strong and capable and sure of myself, again. I was sure of the decisions I had made to set these changes in motion. I can do this. I can do this and NO jackass; irrational, psycho moron will EVER make me doubt myself again. Nor will I succumb to the self destructive reactions to eat for comfort because of a well up of emotion. (picture Scarlett O’Hara standing alone on a hill, bright sunset behind her making her declaration of change) As God is my witness, I will to learn to feel and cope with all my emotions without using food. Period! No excuses! My life depends on it.
My next challenge….the birthday cake I am about to encounter at a friend’s tonight. Wish me luck. Gulp!