I just need to vent a little. I don't understand why I've been all kinds of negativity, especially from my own family. I hate even going around them anymore. For the last 4 years I've hidden behind long dark hair because I hated what I saw in the mirror, I'm finally starting to like what I see again so I decided to get a cute shorter style and some highlights. I love it and everyone I've seen since then has commented on how nice it looks, but the first time I saw them I just got blank stares, no comments. They didn't say it looked bad or good, nothing. I'll be starting my student teaching on Monday and with the exception of 3 close friends noone knows that I got the surgery done the week after last semester ended and I haven't seen any of them. So the only comment I got was, I bet the only reasn you did this was to get even more attention when you go back to school next week, don't go getting all conceited.
I'm getting really frustrated. Yes I'm proud of myself, at the end of last semester I was wearing a size 28 and I had to buy all new pants for student teaching size 18. That's a huge deal I haven't worn a size 18 since high school (11 years ago). But my mom, the one making these comments wears like a size 9 and has never worn anything bigger, so it can't be jealousy. She's constantly trying to sabotage my new lifestyle as well. It's gotten to the point that I avoid stoppig over at meal times because it turns into a fight. She tries to convince me that just 1 piece of fried chicken or just 1 piece of pizza won't hurt and how much damage can some chocolate do? I get so irritated because I've worked really hard to get to this point. I don't rub it anyones face and I don't talk about unless someone asks how much I lost or how it's going.
I've also been asked on a date, which she agreed to babysit for (I've been a single mom for 4 1/2 years) and this was my first date in over 3 years. When he asked me on a second date, she told me no that I needed to focus on my child and not be dating. UGH I don't, and never have asked her to babysit more that 2 or 3 times a year I spend 24/7 with my child because he hasn't see his father in nearly a year, I don't know how I could be more dedicated or focused.
Well there's my rant. I know others have gone through this and there are relationship changes I just don't know how to handle it!

Mom is afraid you are going to end up a size 4 -have great boyfriends - look gorgeous - and get tons of attention. She does not want you to change. Keep up the good work, find a reliable babysitter, stick to your food plan and have fun.

Your family will get used to the new you.

Your mom has never known you as a confident, slim woman. 

Any and all of the issues she would have had to work through as the mother of a slim, sexual teenager and young woman are coming to the fore now. 

She has no clue how to deal with her jealousy and the threat to her own image of herself as a vibrant woman.  You are now the female to whom the attention is being paid, and she doesn't know, very sadly, how to deal with it in any way except to attack you.

She has issues and has made them yours, witness your having been morbidly obese for such a pivotal time in your life.

My two cents, worth exactly what you paid for them.

(BTW, I'm 63 -- I remember my size 6 mother absolutely turning on me when I lost 90 pounds at age 21 -- so yes, I am projecting.)

Best wishes -- and oh!  A small suggestion?  Would you please paragraph your posts?  A huge block of text makes it very difficult to read.  The only reason I stuck through yours is that it was so well written.)

Best wishes to you -- and congratulations on your weight loss victory.

First sorry for the jumble of text, couldn't figure out how to tab on a Nook! I never thought to put an extra space between the paragraphs (DUH!).

I guess I never really thought of it that way, I expected people to just be happy for me because I was getting healthier and happier but she now has to face her own issues. Guess it's something to think about.

Your two cents are appreciated, I never would have thought of that way. Thanks!

Just seek your own approval forget family & friends opinions you are doing this for you! I agree with what Whitedove said!!
ROCK ON WITH YOUR BAD SELF !!! LOL

People get used to seeing you a certain way. They've categorized you... and now they don't know where to put you. But it's their problem, not yours. (Well, I suppose in a round-about way it does feel like your problem, as well.) BUT, you deserve to be healthy and happy.

I would suggest short term counseling to get some pointers on how to speak to your mother about this without alienating her. Maybe she doesn't even realize she's doing it... and a straightforward approach might work... or it might escalate into an argument. That's where a counselor might be able to help.

At meal times, when she says that one piece of fried chicken won't hurt... simply say, "No, thank you." And ignore whatever comes next. It's your choice what you want or don't want to eat. "No, thank you." No explanations needed.

Best of luck to you... (and your hair does look pretty!) 

Families can make cruel comments, whether intentional or not.  Those who have never had a wt issue from on wt loss surgery and "don't have a clue" as to how you have to lead your life after surgery.  If family won't support you, I'd highly suggest you find a local support group or two and attend their meetings.  Avoid seeming mom in person--call her on the phone, etc., and just say you're extra busy with the student teaching, etc.  Sometimes a post op has to develop "tunnel vision" to avoid those pitfalls that caused them issues preop.  Breathe a little, and don't let mom screw up your progress. DAVE

Just wanted to say that I checked out your before photos and I think your new hairstyle is awesome!

Thank you! 

Ignore the toxics. They have their own lumpy bed to lie in.

Just because someone is smaller than you does not mean they can't be jealous.  They may be because they want to remain the smallest.  If you good then there is competition.

so sorry that you are going thru this.. this whole battle is hard enough on us without people trying to bring us down.. i dont have problems with the haters.. my family (outside of my hubby and kids) has just chosen to ignore my situation completely.. when i announced my decision to have surgery, the initial feedback only came from the crickets in the distance, and then the "no you need to do it the hard way"... since my surgery, they just follow the "dont ask, dont comment" plan.. i have a long way to go to get to goal, but i think a 45 pound weight loss does show somewhat, so it cant be that they dont notice a thing.. although it does take a little happy away, i try not to think about it.. i know thats hard to do, believe me, but i think it will be in your best interest.. i understand avoiding these people is easier, because im doing the same thing myself lol.. if you happen to pop in on a mealtime and they attempt to force feed you, maybe try the "darn i just ate and im stuffed" lie, just to mix it up a little.. good luck!

ps.. find another babysitter and go on with your dating!!!

 don't let anyone steal your happy!!!  you've gotten good advice, so I'll just add your hair looks fantastic. 

I think it is okay to pick and choose our friends and leave those behind who don't support us, but this is your mom. This is a relationship you don't want to walk away from. My mom died two years ago and boy do I wish she was here to be a pain in my ass.

My mom was sometimes overly negative, which was frustrating. I know part of it was her projecting some of her issues on me but other times she was just being protective. You said you are a single mom. Did your mother watch you go through a tough breakup? Maybe she worries if you start dating you will get hurt again. As a mom you know how hard it is to watch our kids suffer. She might also worry that if you get a new guy you won't spend as much time with her. You said you used to go to dinner at her place but now can't eat a lot of her food. Maybe she feels a bit rejected. Was cooking for you her way of caring for you and expressing her love? Lord knows at least a few of us on this board were raised by moms that fed our hearts through our bellies. Maybe she just feels lost and doesn't know how to care for you like she once did.

I'm not excusing her behavior here...it Is bad behavior. And I'm not trying to invalidate how you feel, I'm sure I would feel the same, and sometimes did when my mom was around. But maybe understanding where she might be coming from will help you forgive her and open a dialogue.

Good luck, I wish you the best.

I never would have thought of that! I knew I could count on you guys to give me some awesome insight!  Thanks I'm feeling a lot better about this and the long term! 

I like your hair. Turn a deaf ear to the negativity. Stay focused and live YOUR life!!!  I love it. Give them something to really talk about when you reach your goal weight. You think you have haters now? Please... Find yourself another babysitter and have fun. Whether you're obese or of normal weight, there are always going to be comments about something...

I can deal with normal haters, it's the family aspect that's getting to me but the advice and insigt I'm getting is great I'm feeling better about this!