How did you family/friends react when you told them about your decision to have weight loss surgery?

My husband was sure at first, but after we talked about it more is now 100% behind me.  My family has been a different story.  My mom is totally against it and doesn't know why I can't just diet and exercise.  I'm afraid to tell my sister because I know I'll get the same reaction. 
Is it just my family, or have others faced this too?

I am early in this process but I am worried about this too. I think for me the key will be layering the information for my mom. My dad won't understand anyway. But for mom I think I'm going to tell her that I'm going to a WL program and that they do nutritional counseling and the like but that I'm also considering WLS depending on their recommendations. And that my first meeting with them officially will be in 2 days (as I plan to tell her while she's visiting me next weekend.) Then when I go in, I can tell her what happened and what they recommended, etc. Do I think she'll react poorly? Maybe. But she's also been enthusiastically supportive of my other WL efforts so perhaps she will surprise me. I do think I will have to swear her to secrecy on this one... I can already list off members of my family who would NOT be supportive and they would be on the top of her list of folks to share with (namely my godmother, her only sister).

My local family is my DH's family. I recall right now that I got a call from my SIL about 9 hours before she went in for breast reduction surgery... so I figure I may give them all about that much notice too. LOL

There are a handful of friends I've considered telling but I don't think I'm ready to do that yet. I talked with one GF about it and she has been considering it for a long time herself so that's why I brought it up with her. She is obv supportive. I think once I've got more facts, and in my case have had my first consult with the surgeon and my PCP and learn more about the program etc, it'll be easier to figure out what and how much to tell other folks.

This isn't helpful is it? LOL I'm mostly meandering here but I guess I just want you to know... I'm concerned about the same stuff.

E

 No dear, it's not just you. I didn't tell my mom, dad,and brother that I'm going to have bypass, I just said that I will have lap band and they are still100% against me too, I'm glad I did't say anything about bypass to them. So, just my husband and my sister know the secret, no one else and I'm not going to tell anyone till after surgery, because I don't want to get their negative energy.

I told a couple close friends and it was ok. My mom was just like your, but after a month or so she was on board! I share with those who ask how I lost so much weight so quick. My standard reply is that had WLS in January, I eat healthy and exercise every day. I have not had anyone say anything other that I am doing a great job!

I have told almost noone.  My husband has had a really hard time but is being awesome about working through it and we are getting closer every day because of the conversations around it.  This is what I told my mom and it worked really well, 'You may have noticed that I have struggled wtih my weight (incredible understatement).  After tons of research and meeting with the best doctors, nutritionists, and therapists I could find I realize that I have four options:  keep trying to lose weight with a historic 100% chance of re-gain, accept my body and my pain...  as it is, wait for science to figure out a way to fix my metabolism and hormonal problems related to long term dieting, or have surgery."  Then I outlined the research about what surgery would offer me.  That seemed reallly helpful for my mom.  But I have to say, I am just not telling many folks.  It isn't their business and I need to figure this all out for me.  I don't need a bunch of other people's opinions right now.  I am struggling enough as it is.

Well, if you have the right surgery, it will fix your metabolism. (*grin*)

I've been pleasantly surprised at how supportive my mom is being while I'm in the pre-op stages. She was worried when I first told her because she thought it was too drastic/dangerous, but she did some research and that combined with my ongoing severe GERD has made her a believer. She's like, "are you sure you have to wait till December or January?" because of the ongoing pain in my stomach and throat. It helps that she's a nurse, but she left nursing years ago and didn't realize until she did some research how much gastric bypass had changed from what she remembered. I just assumed she knew but she was thinking that it would have to be open vs laproscopic and would have more steps than RNY actually does these days. She seems genuinely interested in my presurgery program and the nutritional and vitamin requirements post-surgery, the last time I spoke to her I kind of felt like I was getting interrogated

Aside from her I've told a couple of friends and a few coworkers. The coworkers were sort of an accident because they were worried about my laryngitis and GERD and so I ended up talking to them about what was going on with treatment for that. So far everyone has been supportive.

I think sometimes you need to approach with a "don't ask dont tell" approach if you know theya re gonna be negative. So much emotions are going on for you now and things to be focused you don't need that negativity. However, it is YOUR decision, YOUR life and you have to live it as you see fit whether they like it or not. But you do hope that they support you. You should be honest if anyone asks.  The other way is to do the surgery and THEN tell them..as they can't not do anything to upset you since it's done deal but will they.  As with any decisions in your life...there are ppl who are supportive and some that are not...you accept those that are supportive and those that are not can suck an egg.  And if they venture to tell me anything - which no one did..I would have said well this is what I CHOOSE to do to improve my life - Im sorry you don't like or what have negative feelings but it is MY life. You can support or not.

I just don't get it, I guess.  I am a grown adult and my decisions are my own so it has never worried me or bothered me who knew and who didn't.  That's what I do like about getting older.  It doesn't matter who accepts it or not.  My family and friends don't live out of my back pocket and friends and family have been great.  If they didn't, who cares?  I am the one on this journey.  Jane

 I'm with you, Jane.  Not that I think it has anything to do necessarily with getting older lol.  

I just don't think my personal health history/diagnoses/decisions are anyone's business but my own and IF I decide to share with you, and if you don't like it, too bad, it's not YOUR decision and I do not need your opinion on it.  

Then again, I have always been blessed with a very supportive and loving family so a lot of these situations are foreign to me and maybe I would react or think differently than I do now. 

Than again, maybe I'm just a straight-up ***** lol. . .I've been labeled that enough times 

My mother raised me to be free-thinking and independent and to make my own decisions and to not base my decisions on what other people think.  I see too many people trying to make a square peg fit in a round hole and it is very painful to watch.  Sometimes I just want to smack them and say "who cares???  it is YOUR decision" and that is not just related to weight loss.

I get that many people feel compelled or obligated to share and justify their decisions, especially with family.  It's not that I haven't told people about my surgery, I have.  However, there is a limited group of people who I felt like sharing with (OH excluded lol).  I just don't feel that I "have" to tell anyone anything.  

I dunno, the more I write, the more I go back to maybe I am just a ***** . 

Guess this wasn't helpful at all 

I agree with you in my case... I already have a very strained relationship with my family at best and they are all very cruel about weight, and more specifically, my weight. My fat is nothing new and the fat genes obviously run in the other side of my family, but that has never stopped the hurtful words and behavior. Therefore, I do not want to tell any of them until after, and only if they ask. Yes, I am an adult but I don't deserve to feel worthless because of their opinions. I have a very supportive wife who needs the lifestyle change of eating better and being more active as my needs change after surgery, and her mother that already had the surgery. I am hoping that is all the support I need with a little help from the friends on OH.

I have told some people, my mom, sister, husband of course, a few close friend! i told the people who were important and who i knew wouldn't give me a lot of slack about it.... At the end of the day this is MY body and MY life and as far as i can tell surgery is NECESSARY!

I am not telling my husbands family because really they don't need to know right now...they hand me diet cook books all the time and are ALL overweight themselves.... They are always OVERLY concerned about everything and not very supportive...For instance when my husband had to have his leg amputated they did not show up to the hospital until 3 days later because "They couldn't handle it" ... WELL thank you for your support. They also asked me AFTER he had been taken into the OR who was watching the kids and if I needed them to take the kids.... REALLY you ask me this AFTER he has been taken into the OR....Don't worry I have it covered. So I just don't feel like this is information they need or can HANDLE...once I am out and recovered and they notice a difference then I will tell them.

 
Wow, that is terrible!  I'm so sorry you had that experience with your husband's family 

It sounds like you are making the right decision in not telling them about your surgery.  Since they are so "fragile" it doesn't sound as if they would be any help to you or your husband or kids anyway!  
Best of luck to you!

 i like to do the same,...

 I told only Hubby and a few very close friends before surgery.  I finally told my parents two weeks after but only after DH conveinced me too (He figured that by thanksgiving they would think I was dying or on drugs ).  My reasons for this were simple. 1). It is nobodies business. 2). I had enough on my mind and didn't need a bunch of non-medical opinions.  My mon has given me some grief but my answer to her is usually, "I will let my surgeon know what you non medical opinion is"  

I'm seven years out today and my family was against it at first as well; but they stood by me.  My mother still has a hard time getting use to the portion sizes, because I still eat small portions like I did shortly after my surgery.  At Thanksgiving, and the like, she still tries to pile my plate like I'm pre-op and I have to remind her, "Whoa!  I'm not eating all that!" lol!  As far as work goes, I moved on to another job and I've never felt the need to tell anyone.  When we go out to eat lunch and they ask, "Why are you hardly eating anything?", I simply tell them that I don't eat large meals; but rather several small meals a day and nothing else is said about it.  People will judge you because of this choice you're making; but that's going to have to be something you shrug off.  Be sure you constantly reassure your husband though; because he may start to feel insecure in the relationship once the lbs start falling off.  It does quite the mind job on both the patient and the spouse so be prepared for not only the physical change; but the mental one as well.  Good luck to you.

Seven years post-op and still maintaining goal weight! :-)

Ladybug2, I hate to sound like a pessimist but it might be best to share your plans with those that you know without a shadow of a doubt will offer you support. Someone who has never had a weight problem can't understand what we go through and think 'why don't you just diet'. That's easier said than done. I told those who offered me support regardless of what I did and helped with the journey. Those who I knew wouldn't support it, found out at church the Sunday before I had my surgery or afterwards. Everyone isn't for you. And some don't want to know about what they don't understand. Remember this is for YOU to have a better life. Pray over it and give it and the non-supportive family to God. Best of luck to you!

Thanks eveyone for the words of encouragement!  It sounds like I'm not alone.  I did tell my sister and that went pretty well.  Actually, she didn't have much to say, but that's better than criticism.  I know (or hope) that once I have the surgery and start to see and feel results, they will all be behind me.

 It is definitely not just your family. My mom knows I want to have the DS and so does her boyfriend. I've mentioned to my brother and sister that I'm looking into it. My dad and step-mom? I haven't said a word to them about it. My mom had the DS in 2009 and they thought she was crazy for having it. They think I just need to "walk it off" and to stop "stuffing my face" as that is what they think I spend all my time doing. I figure I will tell them about 2 weeks before I have the actual surgery. Maybe a week before. Possibly over the phone so that if they start being negative, which I know they will be, I can just hang up on them. 

This is a really interesting thread...I'm considering who to tell about the VSG I have scheduled for 9/25. My husband is supportive, my sister is supportive and a couple of friends that I have told have been as well. It's my parents I'm not sure about. I'm 35, so i'm not looking for approval or anything, but I would tell them about any other surgery I was getting just so they were aware...but: My mom has struggled with her weight for 45 years and tends to be the kind of person to take pleasure in others' weight struggles, particularly mine. I don't think that she would be truly supportive and I know she would tell the world about it. I could see my dad either being totally supportive or not at all understanding why i can't just do it myself.

That said, I think I'm going to tell him today...he will be staying with us for my son's 1st birthday 6 weeks post op, so it will be painfully obvious that I'm not eating very much.

wish me luck!