Long term relationship with food?

Jennifercandoit
on 1/4/14 11:31 am

So I'm only a few weeks out with my sleeve, but my husband is a year out from his RNY, and we are discussing long term relationships with food and eating. 

He feels that, once the first 6-12 mos are past/when you're at or near goal, you should look at food as simply a means to an end (survival), and not as something to be enjoyed. But he's never been a foodie and honestly could survive on protein bars and shakes with the occasional slice of pizza. (I know, not exactly balanced, but he would say that balance doesn't matter after weight loss surgery, just protein and water.)

i feel like a) I can't survive like that long term, and b) I don't want to! I feel like realistically to be more successful long term you need to be able to navigate real food, restaurants, flavors, etc, and prioritize protein but have some variety. But I can't sort out if that's just me being really bored with liquids at this point, or my resistance to needed long-term change, or me setting myself up for failure...

thoughts? Would be very interested in perspectives from those further out...

Jennifer 

MyLady Heidi
on 1/4/14 1:47 pm

I like to keep food pretty much meaningless so I don't develop negative relationships and crave bad food. I can pick a food from a restaurant but have no favorites.  Today we got takeout food for lunch, I ordered a small meatball grinder and ate half, it made me queasy as I never had it before and probably never will again.  Food isn't my friend.

INgirl
on 1/4/14 4:19 pm

You said it yourself- he's never been a foodie. Most (nearly all) people don't change their core drives post weight loss surgery. If you are a foodie now, you will very likely continue to be one later... 

I love good food, and always have. I am even moreso a foodie than I was pre-op. I have such limited space, that I typically will choose to fill it with the better things, best tasting, most fulfilling. I was always a good cook, and my skills have only improved since.. I crave flavors and textures, and cook for my palate. When I eat out (and do often) I choose better places, ones that mirror what I do at home for the most part. I love food just as much if not moreso than I did before, and I consider this a very good thing, it is part of what makes life enjoyable. I eat a fabulously varied diet, heavy on fats, good meats and plenty of veggies.. even my rare pizza night- if I'm not making it myself, it's from one special place in town that does it right, and def nothing like Papa John's or any chain BS stuff. I feel if anything, my sense of taste is higher than it was- and my husband always considered me a super-taster to start.

shoutjoy
on 1/4/14 7:05 pm - Culpeper, VA

Hi there,

Developing a healthy relationship with food is primary.  You may need a little more support from professionals who know the triggers and challenges facing those who have serious food issues.  It looks like your husband is not one of those people unfortunately.  He too can benefit from attending sessions about how to overcome food challenges, exchanging bad habits for good ones, portion control and healthy choices.  This may open his eyes to your needs as well.  It is good that you are bringing this up now and not after a serious of failures and hiccups in your journey.  So, seek out outside counsel and do that soon.

 

Clueless about weight loss and weight loss surgery of any kind.

    

        
poet_kelly
on 1/4/14 7:21 pm - OH

You're recommending counseling for her because she enjoys food?

I think many people can benefit from counseling, but I don't think enjoying food is something that requires a mental health professional.

View more of my photos at ObesityHelp.com          Kelly

Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR.  If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor.  Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me.  If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her.    Check out my blog.

 

poet_kelly
on 1/4/14 7:19 pm - OH

Food is more than just fuel to most people. I enjoy food.  I just prepare and enjoy healthy food most of the time.  Food can be healthy and really yummy and enjoyable at the same time.

View more of my photos at ObesityHelp.com          Kelly

Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR.  If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor.  Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me.  If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her.    Check out my blog.

 

shoutjoy
on 1/4/14 7:25 pm - Culpeper, VA

Hi,

I never said it was a mental health situation but much of the battles we who face food challenges are in our thoughts, emotions and how we react to our choices.  I wish surgery also fixes our relationship with food too but it doesn't.  Support groups, nutritionist and a variety of other coaches can help.  It is a challenge when we have to eat to live.  If it was like alcohol or gambling or other addictions, all we would have to do is stop.  We can't do that with food.  We have to continue to eat.  So, yes sometimes we need outside help.

Clueless about weight loss and weight loss surgery of any kind.

    

        
AnneGG
on 1/4/14 10:24 pm

I agree with you. We have to unlearn old habits, including things like self esteem and unworkable ways of thinking, and learn new ones, which is not at all easy. So we need education and support, and therapy is an excellent place for that. As are support groups, books, and online groups.

"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly." Richard Bach

"Support fosters your growth. If you are getting enough of the right support, you will experience a major transformation in yourself. You will discover a sense of empowerment and peace you have never before experienced. You will come to believe you can overcome your challenges and find some joy in this world." Katie Jay

AnneGG
on 1/4/14 10:08 pm, edited 1/4/14 10:11 pm

Lucky husband! And for you, I think you're setting yourself up for success with your particular self and needs- self awareness is the first step, a plan of action the second step, and then comes the follow through, where obviously the rubber hits the road. And the first two steps are what you are doing.  

Some of us just plain enjoy food too much, particularly the wrong kinds like sweets, breads, white carbs. They are addictive for me, so I have to manage myself as firmly and gently as I can. Somehow a pecan roll wandered into the house yesterday (of course my feet had nothing to do with it- hah!), and you better believe my hands were flying and I was inhaling! So I can't have anything like that in the house, and luckily my husband supports that even though he hasn't had surgery. We cook and eat healthy, and are careful what we order when we go out, and split entrees. Sounds like you will be able to work things like that out with your husband because he doesn't care anyway.  

So I would encourage you together to figure out some way of working it out to meet both of your needs and dispositions. Win/win.  

I wish for both of you long term success with maintenance with none of that undesirable, unwanted, and just plain nasty regain!

"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly." Richard Bach

"Support fosters your growth. If you are getting enough of the right support, you will experience a major transformation in yourself. You will discover a sense of empowerment and peace you have never before experienced. You will come to believe you can overcome your challenges and find some joy in this world." Katie Jay

(deactivated member)
on 1/5/14 12:26 am

One thing is funny about food attachment.Is we start at an age where if you are crying they shove a bottle in our mouth.And as you grow up they gave you a cookie when we were crying.I could go on and on about the attachment .So there are a lot of things we have to change.It doesn't happen over night.I think we have to look at this as a daily change and every meal change.We can still like food but make things that are healthier for us.We all know we feel better when we eat healthy.You will figure this out.It is hard in the beginning I was afraid of grocery shopping.I didn't know what to buy.I would have know clue.So now I write a list.It will all become clearer when you are farther away from your surgery.Best wishes to you.It will all fall into place.

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