Complications and false starts?

I was scheduled for bariatric sleeve surgery in November. I have 2 hernias that the Dr. was going to repair also.

The first hernia was a hiatial hernia and was larger than was first thought. During the surgery and artery tore and

the Dr. had a difficult time getting the bleeding under control and it was decided (very wisely) to not continue with

the sleeve. I was in the ICU for 6 days. My husband and grandson (who lives with us) do not want me to have any

further surgery. I have been prepping myself for this for nearly 2 years. I have been in therapy for just over a year

and I researched Dr.'s carefully. Has anyone else ran into this situation? I am torn! What did you do? I am really

leaning toward the surgery. Thank you!

Understandably, your husband and grandson are understandably worried about losing you, so it is your task to help them work through their worries with good information and supportable reassurances.

It would be very helpful if you and your husband would have a profound discussion with your doctor about the risks you face if you DON"T have WLS versus the risks of surgery. People with morbid obesity face so many serious health problems which worsen over time and are often irreversible.  For example, your risk of heart disease, which kills more women than all types of cancer combined, is considerably higher due to your obesity.  In this light, WLS might be considered just a tool for minimizing your risk of heart disease; wouldn't your family want you to take good care of your heart?

Both you and your husband should go into that meeting with lists of every question you can think of and plan to stay until you get answers that you fully understand. (Having to articulate your questions forces you to think your worries through and helps eliminate or ease vague worries.) Then go home, sit down with paper and make 2 lists, one of the the risks of surgery and one of the benefits of the surgery.  That will help clarify why it makes sense for you to proceed with WLS.  Something about writing it all down clearly and concisely on paper really helps bring the benefits into focus. We did this as a family before my mom's heart bypass surgery years ago and it brought our family together like never before.

One good point to bring up is that only 2% to 5% of adults with morbid obesity are successful in losing their excess weight and maintaining that weight loss over the long term by using diet and exercise alone.  WLS gives you the tool that will greatly enhance your chance of successfully losing weight and getting much healthier---so you can be with them and love them for many more years. There is a great analogy that men can relate to:  If your car has a flat tire, would you try to lift the car yourself so you can change the tire?  No.  You'd use the right tool for the job---a jack---to lift the car. Then you change the tire and get on with your life.

As for your grandson, listen carefully to the fears that underlie his wish that you not have the surgery and do your best to address them and reassure him. Validate his concerns, but remember that you are the parent in this situation and must make the decision for yourself. This is a great opportunity to teach him how to evaluate risks and make good decisions as an adult, as well as highlighting the importance of taking good care of one's health. You can help him understand that there can be consequences to doing nothing, that inaction is also a choice. 

Very best wishes for good health!