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Personal Responsibility Improves Weight Loss Results  

BY STAFF ON FEBRUARY 6, 2009 IN WEIGHT LOSS BEHAVIOR  

Your doctor can advise you, your family can beg you, and your friends can urge you, but you are the only one who can change your weight by changing your behavior. It is human nature to wish for an easy fix, a magic treatment, or for others to lose the weight for us, but spending our energy on this type of wishful thinking distracts us from the real work at hand and makes us feel helpless to choose and control our own destinies.  

The first step in a successful weight loss program is to take responsibility for your health and weight. The fact that most people confidently claim responsibility for their weight indicates that the majority of us intellectually know the truth, but our behaviors suggest that, deep inside, we believe otherwise.  

If you tend to blame others for your lack of success or have a host of excuses for why you can’t meet your goals-or if you can’t seem to let go of food as your coping strategy, there is a good chance you are struggling to take responsibility for your mistakes.   The Blame Game  

When you play the blame game, you transfer responsibility for your mistakes or lack of commitment to others. Consequently, you accomplish nothing and feel free from blame. The blame game seems to be a natural part of human development. Toddlers quickly become adept at blaming their bad behaviors on someone else. In fact, it is a natural behavior if you are a two year old. The mark of a mature person, however, is the willingness to claim responsibility for your own behavior. If you still play the blame game, it is the time to start taking responsibility for yourself. After all, you can’t change what you won’t acknowledge.  

Excuseitis   Dreaming up excuses for why you can’t manage your weight will make you feel like you are off the hook. But like blind spots in your car mirrors, excuses keep you from seeing how to take control of your life. Ironically, the emotional blind spots created by your own excuses make it easy for you to notice when others are making excuses. Yet you are often unaware of your own tendency to make excuses. Once you get in the habit of making excuses, they often come to mind so effortlessly and automatically that you unconsciously accept them as reality. Accepting your own excuses keeps you in your comfort zone, but it prevents you from growing and solving problems-and it certainly keeps you from losing weight.  

Your Speech Patterns Hint at Your True Behavior   Pay attention to the way you speak. Do you accept guidance from your weight loss program staff, or do you often answer, “Yes, but…”? Do you find yourself saying things like, “Yes, but my family insists on eating out several times a week, and I can’t find the foods I need on the menu”?   Or do you engage in wishful thinking, often saying things like: “If my coworkers would stop celebrating everyone’s birthday with cake, I could finally stick to my diet” or “If only I did not have to balance work and parenting, I could finally find time to exercise.” If you catch yourself using such phrases, think about how your words shape your actions. Challenge yourself to come up with solutions to your excuses and put them into action.  

Reluctance to Let Go of Food Signals Inner Conflict   People engage in many behaviors they know are self-defeating but that they just can’t seem to let go of because they benefit in some way from them. For example, you may overeat to cope with anger, stress, boredom, depression, or fear of intimacy. Until you acknowledge and deal with the underlying reason for your eating, you will remain stuck in that behavior. Part of taking personal responsibility for your weight is finding expert help if you encounter challenges that are too big to tackle on your own. Asking for help is not a weakness; it is often a sign of strength.  

Assertiveness is Personal Responsibility in Action  

People who practice assertive behaviors such as politely but firmly asking for what they need or by turning down requests they don’t want to fulfill have taken personal responsibility for their behavior and are more likely to be successful at managing their weight.  

Succeeding at weight management may require you to ask others for help meeting your goals or at least to seek moral support from others. For example, you may need to ask your girlfriends if you can meet at a restaurant with more low-calorie options or if they would be willing to meet at the movies or for a walk instead of for food. You may need to ask your family to store their favorite snacks out of your sight. Or maybe you just need someone to cheer you on. Ask for what you need and people are usually happy to help.  

Top Assertiveness Tips  

Most people find it challenging to be assertive. These tips can help you get started in the right direction being assertive about weight loss.  

Respect your rights and the rights of others. Don’t accept blame, but don’t di**** out either. Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements. “I feel that I need more support with my weight loss efforts” instead of “You always sabotage my diets by bringing home ice cream.”

Be clear and direct about your wants and needs. Don’t drop hints and expect others to read your mind. Give detailed ways others can help you. “I need more help with my weight loss program. Will you please eat your favorite snack foods when I am not around and put away leftovers after dinner so I don’t nibble?”

Use eye contact. When you avoid eye contact, other people sense you are unsure of or uncomfortable about your message. Pay attention to your body language. Crossed arms, a raised or strained voice, and pointing fingers at people all communicate hostility.

Personal responsibility is the foundation of successful weight management since it will support and direct your efforts. If you find that there is a gap between what you know intellectually and what choices you make with food and activity, work to bring these elements into better alignment. In other words, do as you say.

Be conscious of what you say and skip the blame and excuses. Think and act assertively. If you find yourself stuck, get expert counseling to free yourself from behaviors that hold you back. Your future is yours to chart.  

That is way too annoying to read without paragraphs, LOL.

I just edited it- the iPad doesn't format well when posting here, and I have to go back in- sorry.

Very insightful.

Fabulous, and has many valid points. Thanks for sharing

Jonda

I liked it!

Personally, I really enjoy your posts though I may disagree some of the time simply because you have a unique ability to turn a phrase.  I love "You can't change what you won't acknowledge", and the reminder that "Your words shape your actions".

Thanks for putting it out there for us.

amy

Hey, cool, I didn't remember being so wise! I do think I will readopt those phrases!

Dr  Phil has been using both of those phrases for YEARS...

Lora

Thanks for your source!  I'm grateful for all the good thinkers and teachers out there.