Being told not to lose more...plus question about frame size

I have 35 pounds to go to reach a BMI of 25.  The closest I have ever been to this was when I was 21 and weighed 170 lbs, so a BMI of about 28.  I have a couple friends that are encouraging me to get back to that weight and then stop losing because they thought I looked good at that weight.  Others are saying I should stop now and that at 150 pounds I will be way too "skinny".  My step-mom thinks I'm crazy to want to lose that much. I am planning on getting to 170 and reassess from there, so really my question is that I wonder how everyone else deals with those that think you're losing too much?  Right now I say that I'm still "obese" and that usually shuts them up.  but a few more pounds lost and I won't be obese any more haha!

As for frame size, I have always said I am large (even extra large) framed, but based on the wrist test I am medium.  I have a huge head and can't wear any woman's size hat.  I wear men's gloves because women's XL are still too small and I wear a 10W shoe.  Do these 3 things have anything to do with frame size?  If they do, maybe people are right that I shouldn't aim to lose that much.  Thoughts?

I just said something like "My doctor thinks my weight is fine" or "thanks for your input" and changed the subject.

Years ago I lost a lot of weight and the people around me were constantly telling me that I looked to skinny, or that I didn't look healthy, even though I still felt heavy and had more weight to lose to reach my goal.  I got so tired of listening to the nagging that I just gave in.  I went back to my old eating habits and gained weight.....of course, the "naggers" were content, however, I gradually became miserable, lost my self esteem.  After many years and quite a big heavier, I tried Nutrisystem and it worked.  I was losing weight and feeling great!  Well, the nay sayers spoke up and they didn't stop the comments about how I looked sickly, etc.  I just gave up and haven't tried dieting again since then.  I have made quite a few changes in my life, including being surrounded by people that believe in me.  They are excited along with me about bariatric surgery.  They are learning about the pros & cons and the struggles and needs that I will experience and they are cool about it all.  Thats how it should be.  The people in my past aren't bad people, they just don't know what's good for me or they don't care.  I'm different now. 

I feel that you need to focus on you and what is best for you. I'm sure the people around you mean well, however, you and your "medical" team know what's best for you.  Listen to you and your medical team.

I don't know about frame size however, there has to me a medical resource that you can check out.

Good luck

 I got so very fed up with that.  I did in fact get too thin but people were telling me it had happened when my BMI was still almost 30.  I think it is just that they were so used to the old you that they couldn't reconcile it with the new you. 

I actually pinned someone down on this once. She was telling me I was getting worryingly thin. So I asked her her height, shoe size, weight and dress size. We were exactly the same height, age and shoe size.  She weighed 15lbs less than me and was wearing a size 6 while I was wearing a size 10.  When I pointed this out to her, she apologised and said it was just that I looked so unlike the Kate she used to know.

people can come across as very rude. But I really think that most people who said things to me were genuinely concerned but were simply seeing things inaccurately!

i did in the end pin a notice on the staff room board saying thank you for your concern but really

I am not anorexic

my BMI is still in the top half of the normal range

I see my doctor and nutritionist every month.

i eat a completely healthy and balanced diet.

Rebound is real and look at all the folks who said goodbye to pounds they never thought they would see again and are now trying to get them back off.

Do not stop until you get to a normal BMI.  No one knows what normal looks like anymore because there are so many folks who are obese.

I kept going until my body stopped.  Yes, I got too thin and looked pretty gaunt but was very healthy.  I gained enough back just trying to learn how to maintain to be fine.  My body scans run with 19-23% fat which is actually less than normal 26-32% fat.

We are all shaped different.  Actually, if you can get a body scan, it is a much better measure than BMI which is only weight / height and doesn't consider muscle etc.  I am obese according to BMI but under fat according to the body scan because my % of muscle and bone is high.

It is more likely than not that you won't actively decide to stop losing at a certain point, but that your body will decide when it is done losing and the weight loss will simply stop. 

People have many different reasons for telling people to stop losing weight, but it seems as if many times it is because they are just used to seeing you at a larger weight and that, in comparison, you start looking "too thin" to them. Sadly, with women, it can also often be because they start to become insecure about their own size in comparison to you. It isn't that they want to sabotage your weight loss, but they also don't want you to be smaller than you are. Don't worry about what people other than your surgeon and PCP say about your size and weight. 

As far as frame size, a lot of people discover when they lose weight that they weren't large boned at all (one of the top excuses and/or point of denial for being overweight).  Some actually find that under all the excess weight they actually have a small frame.It is very common for people to have certain parts of their bodies that are larger than other parts, and that applies to bone structure as well.  Your overall frame is probably medium but with a couple of exceptions (feet, etc.) I have a medium frame overall, but -- like my father and many of the women in his mother's German side of the family-- I have (X-ray verified and orthopedic surgeon validated) heavy leg bones and knees.  My feet, arms, shoulders, wrists, hands, etc. are all very average for a short woman, but my leg bones, knees, and thighs are all larger than one would expect based on the rest of me.

i think you should stick to your plan and just see where it takes you.  It will likely naturally take you to a healthy weight and then the weight loss will stop.  Many people DO look too thin or their faces look much older and very gaunt (and have bad color) when they first finish losing.  Some of the gauntness usually subsides after the loss stops and the body adjusts, but sometimes it doesn't and some people (more commonly "older" women) make a conscious effort to put a couple of pounds back on so they look better.

Lora

They were just discussing this at the support group I was at this week. A gentleman in his thirties has lost 150 pounds and is now 180. Totally normal for his height, actually the high end of normal. He said he hadn't been below 200 since 5th grade. Everyone around him is 'your too skinny". For those of us who don't know him he looks great and I would have never thought he had a weight problem. Basically the Nurse moderating and those who had reached their goal said your body will stop losing at some point, and even if you get "too skinny" the body naturally will rebound 10-20 pounds in most people so you don't have to worry about making it happen. I also think when you are losing it takes a little time for your body to adjust to the new weight and for it to look "normal" on you. Lots of time your face will look drawn and needs time to fill out. Don't worry. Good Luck!

Honestly the only opinions I would care about when it comes to having lost enough are my doctors and my own.  Everyone else's opinion is based on comparison to how they used to see you versus how you are now - not on your health or anything that actually matters.  

No idea about frame size - I'd ask my surgeon these things in your shoes :)

I agree with PPs who said your body will make the decision.  Don't stop too early, before your body levels out at the weight it wants to be.  IMO, I think so many of us are so conditioned to being obese that we pick goal weights that are still too high.  I know that was my fear, that I would never get to a normal weight.  But I just kept at it, and my body leveled out at the high 130s.  Today I'm 142-144, which is a result of being able to eat much more (I'm 4 years out), and some high-carb inappropriate food choices earlier this year.  (Some would call it just normal bounce-back, but I'm working to get back to 135-137.)

As for people who feel obligated to comment on your weight, just let them know you're working with your doctor, who is fine with your food plan, your weight, and your progress.  (Where people get off commenting on others' weight is beyond me, honestly!)

My goal weight is 136.  My surgeon encouraged me to keep losing.  He recommends going 20 under goal and 30 under was fine with him.  I only got to 128 and looked skinny.  I was able to wear size zero in some jeans, size two in other styles.  I never did anything to stop losing, my body just stopped losing and stayed the same for about a year.

Then it started gaining again.  I was glad that I had some cushion for that.  Just have fun with being smaller and let your friends be a bit jealous.  It is fun to be too skinny after years of dieting and being too fat.  There are many people who are too skinny during the second year after surgery.  It is very rare to find someone too skinny by the end of the third year.  The body is smart enough to figure out that it had been starved and it is smart enough to figure out how to get the weight back again.