People are rude

I've been a member for some time now. What I'm going to say is by no means targeting any particular individual. I visit the site periodically..not as often from the beginning of being a member.

If I have a question or just need support..I will post. Of course, there are those who want you to see the big picture & what not. I recently posted on the revision forum. I was simply telling my story and venting. I received 1 comment and the 1st sentence said something along the lines of "stop loathing". I read a post just now on the revision forum and then looked at a comment that was harsh. 

I've been known to be a hot mess and far from an angel. I was a big mouth but as I got to be near 30 ..I've come along way.

I just really wish that individuals can show compassion, be positive, and nonjudgmental. There's a way to be assertive and stating the facts without pointing the finger. Everyone here just like anywhere has a story..let's hear the story without ripping the pages out.

Some people don't realize they don't know it all. Stinks. It would be nice if everyone was supportive. Just need to ignore those posts and pretend they weren't there....

Agreed!  Some folks need to remember, "If you can't say something nice, say nothing at all!"

So if someone is having oreos and milkshakes 2 weeks post surgery and shows that they're clearly going to mess this up, we should stay silent?

Well, I don't know if I would say stay silent but choose your words to be suportive instead of judgemental.

Say this: "All the best on your journey, I would be very nervous to eat milkshakes and oreos 2 weeks out of surgery wow you are very brave! I know for me I had to learn how to deal with head hunger so I started seeing a therapist, do you see a therapist? Seeing one may help you in making healthy food choices so that you are not getting empty calories." 

Not this: "What?!?!, you are only 2 weeks out of surgery, clearly you are gong to mess this all up you should not have had surgery at all, you clearly have no discipline and don't know how to make heathy food choices since you are eating all of those empty junk calories"

See it is not the intent of a message, it's the impact.

I understand that you can be nice about things. But calling someone brave for doing something their surgeon explicitly told them not to do? Not OK, IMO.

I bet she passes out trophies to the little league losers too......

Don't want anyone to get their itty bitty feeling hurt so we hold hands and praise empty victories !

Doing that is an injustice to those that need a kick in the @#$ to snap out it and get their head out of their @#$ !

And this form need just one more fanny nanny.......

I think my head would explode if I said #1    It devalues the meaning of "bravery" when you use it to compliment someone for eating milkshakes and oreos two week post surgery.  I always think of firefighters as being brave, not someone ignoring the advice of their doctor and risking severe injury to a newly sutured/stapled stomach.

Your examples seem to be at the opposite ends of the spectrum, and neither apply to the post that caused the OP to start this thread.  What works for you may not work for someone else.  

You seriously expect people to say #1?!?!  

Now THAT is funny.  I actually find your example of what would be "kind" to be both patronizing and condescending and find that FAR more offensive than most "tough love" posts I have seen here!

It is in NO WAY "brave" to eat crap foods just weeks after surgery.  It is brave to take back your life and get out of an abusive relatio ship; it is brave to move forward following an assault or other traumatic event; it is brave to leave a marriage to save your children from an abusive parent.  Eating crap food after surgery is just stupid and self-sabotage!  

And I have NEVER seen the equivalent of #2 here.  

Lora

OH needs more positive people like you, MsPayne731. I'm tired of the negative, rude people.

-M