WLS personality

Hello,

my lifelong friend recently had gastric bypass surgery after many years of struggling with her weight. I was glad she was doing this.  It has been 6 months and i really feel bad for writing this but she has become one of the most selfish people i have ever met. We go to dinner and she lectures me on what I should eat now. I run half marathons, at least 3 times a year. She is now considering leaving her husband of 7 years and has alienated everyone. Dont get me wrong, the weight is melting off of her. She is constantly seeking attention. What has happened to my friend????

Not everyone is ready for the affect losing weight has on their lives.  It's one thing to lose the weight and look good physically but mentally is a different story. Maybe she feels she settled when it comes to her husband.  Sometimes they turn away from everyone that knew them when they were bigger.   

I would try and talk to your friend, let her know your concerns about how she is acting and how she is making  you feel.  If she does not change you may have to walk away if she does not want your help.

We wish you luck and hopefully your friend will come around.

Give her some space and patience.  I've seen this many times, but it lessons as they get further post op.  The question is whether or not her friends will be patient with her.

This empowerment and feeling of victory is new to her.  It took me a good year or so to realize that nobody cares anymore about what I think about weight loss.  I'm sure I created quite a few yawns in conversation.  As for her marriage, it was likely having problems beforehand and she now feels confident enough to move on.  It's pretty common.  The attention whoring is unfortunately common too.  She's so unaccustomed to positive attention about her appearance, that she may now crave it, afraid it may go away, and when it lessens, she will try harder before she levels off. 

Thanks, that helps me understand better.  It just was not making sense to me. 

Have you tried talking with her about her personality changes?  

I don't know what happened to your friend.  Why do you assume her change in personality is related to her weight loss?

 You should be honest with your friend & tell her how you feel.

I would maybe use some humor (ie: when she tells you what to eat reply "Oh, I didn't know that  or I didn't know I invited my Mom to have dinner with me"). I think telling her in a nice way how she is sounding and that she is alienating friends is being a good friend. Tell her you don't want to hurt her feelings and you value your friendship and honesty. Good luck.

Many of us have been here a long time and seen this often - this is who she has always been, just under a cloak of fat!  As far as I know, none of us get a personality transplant when they reroute our guts!  I suspect she now feels able to say what she has always wanted to.

Not saying whether this will get better or not, (probably not) but you have to be prepared to cut her loose if she becomes intolerable or maybe you could take a few steps back and see if she treasures her old friendships as much as her new life!

you may have to lose a friend or accept her changes. hell, she might "lose" you first. i think she'll come back down to earth, but when that will be and who she will be when she lands, who knows remind her when she tells you about eating that she most likely doesn't like it when people tell or told her how or what to eat, and neither do you. nor does weight loss or wls surgery make her an authority on anything food or nutrition related

give her time and even ignore her irritations if you can, and you value her friendship. otherwise be prepared for a few surprises from her. hopefully she'll manage better once she get's off whatever cloud she is on and comes back down to earth with the rest of us

i think its ok if she leaves her husband. support her, but you don't have to encourage her. she is the one that will have to live with herself and whatever consequences result

i've been overweight all my life and as a teen was struggling with self esteem.  a counselor had me visit a friend of his in local government. i went to his office, guy must have been 500+ pounds. he showed me pics of his family, discussed his education, and all his successes. said he was happy as could be, life was great, fat all his life. it was a "pep talk" for me. a few years later i saw this counselor again again and asked about the guy and how he was doing. the guy lit up and said "oh! well, he lost a bunch of weight, got divorced, and moved away. he's living with a young woman out in Vegas" true story. and this guy was quite happy for the guy when he told me of this. proud, even. as if thinking "wow, he really did it!" so much for the pep talk from the "happy fat man" and all his success....