Torn between sabotaging myself and disqualifying myself!

I've had a lot of luck since I started my 6-month (really 7-month) pre-op process in October. I'm down 62 lbs, and my changing relationship with food has been VERY slow, so it actually feels like a lot of that success has been undeserved. The problem now is I'm running a real risk of disqualifying myself from surgery before I'm even eligible through my insurance! The soonest my surgery can happen is 5/4, and my current BMI is 39.9. I have comorbidities, so I'm "allowed" to get down to 35, but that's only 30 lbs away still with 2 months to go, including 2 weeks of a very restrictive pre-op diet. Last night, my husband and I went out to a Brazilian steakhouse, and I ate more than I have in months. I felt guilty about overeating, but happy I was at least helping to not disqualify myself. Has anyone else been in this position? How do I ensure I can still have my surgery without sabotaging all of the better habits I've developed in the past 5 months? I've lost more weight than this in the past; it's keeping it off that I can't do and why I'm still planning on surgery, and knowing I would have that extra tool in my arsenal is how I got the motivation to start trying to eat better again after a lifetime of failed yoyo dieting.  

if I was in your place,I would simply eat more calories of the things that are already on. My plan. 

I wouldn't eat carbs and sweets and junk,but just more of whatever I was already eating.

Thanks, that might be a good plan. The problem is eating better food makes me not want to overeat as much, which I'm sure is how I've lost anything at all, lol. But it is Portland Dining Month right now, and my husband and I have reservations at one fancy restaurant each weekend this month, so I'm sure that will help! I just want to avoid undoing all of the mental and emotional work I've put in, and I'll hope one really good meal a week won't do that.

Check your insurance, but mine counted the weight I was when I had my first surgical consult, not what I weighed the date of surgery.

I checked, and they go by your weight the day of surgery in nothing but a hospital gown. In rare cases, they've apparently had to send people home after they were there for surgery!

So the docs office submit for approval the day of your surgery? I've never heard of such a thing, docs  these days want an authorization to ensure payment.

They get the auth beforehand, but whether they pay is still dependent on your BMI qualifying on the day of surgery. Just like any auth, they always specify "this is not a guarantee of payment." We see it all the time in my area of the medical field...an auth comes through with valid dates for 6 months, but if the patient waits too long to schedule and the plan terms change in those 6 months, the insurance company will deny payment anyway.

By the way, I love absolutely everything about your signature!!  

I would also hate for you to undo all of the emotional/mental work you've been doing. Are you seeing a therapist? What about OA? I went to those meetings for almost a year but haven't been back for a while. I've been thinking about starting up again. For me they offered a lot of support. I also live in the Portland area. I was really enjoying the meetings that are held at St. Barnabas church on SW Vermont but there are quite a few OA meetings around and you can find them on their website.

I agree with the suggestion you already got about increasing your calories with the food you're already eating. I wouldn't add everything you've worked so hard to stay away from right back into your diet. WLS is a tool that combined with exercise and eating right can change our lives. 62 pounds in 7 months is awesome! I'm wondering if maybe you'll hit a stall here soon which would help you stay in the right weight range.

Nichole