Intimacy and Weight Loss Surgery - how did you tell them?

Kathy S.
on 7/30/15 11:56 am - InTheBurbs, XX
RNY on 08/29/04 with

We face so many challenges with losing weight and our bodies changing.  I was talking to a member the other day and she said she thinks she has met the love of her life but didn't know how to tell him about what he was going to see when they became intimate.  Being married to the same person through out my journey I honestly didn't know how to answer her.

If you have met someone new since your surgery, how did you approach the subject of WLS with them before taking the next step in your relationship?  

Thanks

HW:330 - GW:150 - MW:118-125

RW:190 - CW:130

crystal M.
on 7/30/15 5:53 am, edited 7/30/15 6:16 am - Joliet, IL

I will be getting married next Saturday. 

To be honest I knew he wouldn't care.  I could tell by the kind of guy he was and how acted it wasn't going to be an issue.  But it's not something you blurt out on the first or second date.  So when we got to know each other a little more.  You know...when you start telling each other things.  I just told him.  I said, "I got to a point that I felt I needed a little help.  I told him that my weight was out of control and I felt helpless and I felt that this would give me that "extra" help I have been looking for"  He of course was fine with it...just as I knew he would be. 

It actually took me longer to reveal my "fat" pictures.  Not that I thought he would think any less of me.  But I was embarrassed all of the sudden.  He only knew me as I am now.  It was weird instead of the pride I feel showing the before and after.  With him I was very "shy" about them.  I did eventually show him and he commented on how proud I should be to have lost so much and to be in such great shape.  And weirdly enough...he liked my darker hair (my hair is a bit lighter now).  LOL!!! 

As far as the intimate part.  I have some lose skin around my stomach that makes me feel unattractive when I am naked.  So when it came down to that aspect he could tell I was trying hard to hide my stomach.  He brought it up.  He said to me ... sometimes after a woman has children their body changes.  Stretch marks, their stomachs.  It's all ok with me...I don't care.  My reply was...my problem isn't from childbearing.  It's from gaining and losing a lot of weight.  I don't remember his exact response...but basically he didn't care. 

I feel this way.  The right guy is going to love you...ALL of you.  Inside and out.  I asked him if he would love me if I gained my weight back.  Without hesitation..he said ABOSUTELY.

By the way...I lost a total of 192lbs. 

 

 

Kathy S.
on 7/30/15 1:03 pm - InTheBurbs, XX
RNY on 08/29/04 with

Congratulations on your weight loss and your upcoming marriage.  WAY TO GO!

Thank you for sharing Crystal.  I  honestly didn't know what to say as I have been married to my husband for so many years I can't count that high  and not had to go through that.

Sounds like you have found a very special man to love and spend the rest of your life with.    Lucky Lady!

HW:330 - GW:150 - MW:118-125

RW:190 - CW:130

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