Explaining to my Father why I can't overcome obesity....

Hi! I am a 37 year old wife and mother of 4 children.

My after #4 last year, BMI has maxed at 51.

I am trying to get WLS and my father who has tried to be supportive of my weight challenges is asking me why is it so complicated for me?

He has only been 40lbs overweight and doesn't see the depression and other challenges I have that no one sees. 

How do I explain to him?

He has offered to help pay for the surgery since my insurance won't cover it but then he wants to lecture me on how i need to take it seriously. 

I already know that and I almost don't even want his help since I'm not doing it for him, I'm doing it for me.

He will always feel like he should have a pull on me if he helpeds pay for it.  

Being this obese is something hard for me to put into words. 

I'm embarrassed and ashamed. No, Weigh****chers has never worked for nor the many other diet pills and gyms and other things I have tried. 

Take his offer, get the surgery and welcome his help with your food and exercise of plan.  Take him to your appointments and support group meetings.  

We all need help and support and accepting his help will make it easier for both of you.  95% of people who lose without surgery gain it all back and more.  

I agree with White Dove .  You're very lucky - he sounds like a wonderful loving Father who doesn't want to see you waste your precious days struggling with  ill  health and an eventual death sentence due to morbid obesity .

Take him to your appointments - especially free bariatric surgery seminars and let him be part of the process is my advice ... he'll be a wonderful help to you right after surgery and as you recover too . I envy you - my family ws never in the slightest bit supportive ( but I had the surgery anyway thank God) 

Take the financial help. For you and for your kiddos who will gain tremendously from this too... a healthier more active Mom but also the underlying message that you are sending them about the value of health. 

He may dangle his help over your head forever... but you can control how you feel about that and how you react when he does. Come up with something like... "Yes thank you so much Pop I am forever in your debt." and just repeat that phrase... literally, every single time he brings up giving you the $$$$$ LOL it'll get old hearing it hopefully ;) 

You know that little phrase at the bottom of most diet plans before and after pictures "RESULTS NOT TYPICAL" that's because results are not typical ;) most people gain back weight lost on diet programs and then some :(

Have him watch this: http://theworldaccordingtoeggface.blogspot.com/2015/02/time- to-act-on-obesity-video.html 

It's a good one. 

Best wishes... having WLS was the BEST GIFT I EVER GAVE MYSELF. Hope you will feel the same.

It's really hard to understand something when you haven't experienced it.  Lord, I have trouble understanding my own obesity and I do live with it.  It isn't really necessary for your father to really understand it -- only that he support your struggle to fix it.  

You've no reason to be embarrassed nor ashamed.  You have a disease and possibly a food addiction -- and you are seeking medical solutions to medical problems.  Shame and embarrassment are close friends to negative self-talk and fear.  Neither of these are helpful for making positive and lasting changes in your life.  You've got 4 lives depending on you to be around -- not to mention a full life of joy that you've a right to take advantage of.

Take your father's help.  He obviously loves you and wants to help -- even if he doesn't totally understand.  Take him with you to talk to your team and encourage him and share with him how he can best support you.  At the end of the day, he has a lot at stake, too: his beautiful baby daughter who he must love very very much.

Hey there :)

I'm going to jump on the bandwagon and tell you to accept your Dad's offer! It could be much worse and he could be dead-set against it. You can accept his help and still do it for you and your kids. 

Both of my parents are a normal weight and were a bit judgey about my decision 4 years ago to get my lap-band. Then I never lost weight and I got to deal with the "I told you so" from them. They don't understand the struggle, they don't understand how I am the only one of their 3 kids struggling with weight.  They are trying to be supportive this time around - even flying in from out of state for my surgery.  I think the promise that my RNY will get them grandkids helped. :)