How Not to be a Jerk to Fat People

CerealKiller Kat71
on 1/18/16 6:42 am

RNY on 12/31/13

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, and so I decided to post about it. I'd like to call this post "don't forget where you came from" or ... in blunt terms: How Not to Be a Jerk to Fat People. You'd think this would be something that comes naturally to all of us, since the need for WLS makes obvious we've had the experience. But, it doesn't.

So much of my life - nearly three decades - was shaped by my super morbid obesity. Notice that morbid wasn't enough to describe my fatness. I needed the word super in front of it to fully describe my situation. Being super morbidly obese means that I wore sizes even beyond that of many plus-sized stores. My favorite pair of pants from two years ago are size 30/32. They were a tad bit tight.

So this leads my to my story.

The day I got to a size 24 was monumental to me. This marked the day that I could actually shop in any plus-sized store. I didn't have to order clothes via the mail. I didn't have to select one of the five items at The Avenue that was in the 30/32-size range. It was huge for me.

That same day, a woman posted about fitting into single digit sizes. She posted she would never have to wear "those disgusting size 20 jeans again!!" Yes, she started at a size 20. I had been happy about being two full sizes bigger than she... a few months after WLS. If her size 20 was disgusting, then certainly my achievement to a 24 was even worse. I posted nothing.

When I had started this journey, the idea of being even a size 18 seemed like an impossible pipe dream. Frankly, I felt pretty freaking awesome at a size 20/22. When I got to a 12 and could shop in "regular" stores - it became clearer to me how sizing means so little. It didn't change who I was. It only changed where I could shop for clothes.

So many of us fall into the trap that a number on a tag defines us. We can never know where someone else's goal rests. For me, it could have been 20, 18, 12 or a size 6. There is nothing magical about single digit sizes. In fact, due to vanity sizing, tag sizes don't even mean you actually are that size. That's how little value they hold.

I don't post my size very often - needless to say it's way lower than I had ever imagined it would be. But, guess what? It hasn't changed anything. My pant's size doesn't define me - but posting constantly as a badge of superiority is really ****ty to other people in various stages weight loss.

Consider your audience.

If you are talking and posting about your tiny size all the time on an obesity board, you are seeking approval from other people by possibly making them feel badly about themselves. It's no different than when you were obese and your skinny friend complained about gaining weight and having to wear her size 6 fat jeans.

This is one of the reasons I don't believe in the myth of "after" -- and worse is associating "after" with a number or size. I weigh 128 pounds and still struggle with my weight. I continue to struggle with my food addiction. I still struggle with me. My dress size can't possibly reflect that fact.