Blah blah blah, neverending criticism

on 6/4/17 6:48 am
RNY on 03/23/15 with

Had a family wedding to go to yesterday. I bought a new dress on sale that I loved, and made me feel very pretty in.

First thing my mom says - in a negative tone - is "What size is that?"

I love my mom. We have a pretty good relationship. We've been through a lot and she has been very, very present in my life in terms of my health because of my cancer dx when I was 25, single, and trying to support myself on not a lot of money.

But because of that she sometimes can feel like she gets a lot of input in my medical stuff. I've put a lot of space between us in that area but damn she can be so judgy!

When she made the comment I shut her down and just said Mom, I'm healthy, I've been maintaining my weight for about 6 months now. My doctors are happy - do you know more than them?? No? Then there is nothing to be concerned about!

I feel like I'm going to be making this post every. single. time. I see her for rest of my life. I don't know what else to say to her to make her back off unless I have a 'come to jesus' conversation with and tell her to stop the comments. I'd really like to avoid that if I could. Argggh.


HW: 377 SW: 362 CW:131

TOTAL LOSS: 249 pounds

Laura in Texas
on 6/4/17 7:11 am, edited 6/4/17 12:12 am

Does she not like that you are smaller than her now? Sadly I think some moms are super competitive that way. I say have that come to Jesus talk with her- that your weight and your health are not up for discussion. Period. You and your doctors know best.

The comments do stop when people get used to you at a lower weight. Then be sure to fight like hell to maintain your weight loss because you know the comments will be worse if you gain.

Hang in there.

ETA- I want to see a picture of you in the dress

Laura in Texas

51 years old; 5'7" tall; HW: 339 (BMI=53); CW: 140 (BMI=22)

RNY: 09-17-08 Dr. Garth Davis

brachioplasty: 12-18-09 Dr. Wainwright; lbl/bl: 06-28-11 Dr. LoMonaco

"If what you're doing doesn't work, change what you're doing - don't complain that it doesn't work."

on 6/4/17 7:33 am
RNY on 03/23/15 with

I do wonder about the being smaller than her thing because when we shop together she does make a few comments about it.

I feel like that conversation is coming. I am just trying to avoid, I have to decide if it will make things better or worse between us and I can't decide. I think it would make things better for me and worse for her.

I am terrified of regain (obviously because of health reasons) but because of comments from other people too!

Here's my Mom and I yesterday -

Laura in Texas
on 6/4/17 8:14 am

Awe. I do love the dress and you look great- perfectly healthy. Hang in there!!

Laura in Texas

51 years old; 5'7" tall; HW: 339 (BMI=53); CW: 140 (BMI=22)

RNY: 09-17-08 Dr. Garth Davis

brachioplasty: 12-18-09 Dr. Wainwright; lbl/bl: 06-28-11 Dr. LoMonaco

"If what you're doing doesn't work, change what you're doing - don't complain that it doesn't work."

Gwen M.
on 6/4/17 8:19 am
VSG on 03/13/14

You look awesome and healthy!

Hopefully, given time, your mom will get used to the new you.

VSG with Dr. Salameh - 3/13/2014
Diagnosed with Binge Eating Disorder and started Vyvanse - 7/22/2016
Reconstructive Surgeries with Dr. Michaels - 6/5/2017 (LBL & brachioplasty), 8/14/2017 (UBL & mastopexy), 11/6/2017 (medial leg lift)

Age 41 Height 5'4" HW 319 (1/3/2014) SW 293 (3/13/2014) CW 149 (7/16/2017)
Next Goal 145 - normal BMI | Total Weight Lost 170

TrendWeight | Food Blog (sort of functional) | Journal (down for maintenance)

Liz WantsHealthForAll
on 6/4/17 11:43 am - Cape Cod, MA
VSG on 03/28/16

You look beautiful!

Liz 5'3" HW: 219 (BMI 38.8) SW: 185 GW: 125 CW: 115-118 (BMI 20.4-20.9) - TT and facelift 1/11/2017 - Brow and eyelid PS 12/11/2017.

WL: Pre-op: -34 M1: -17 M2: -12 M3: -11 M4: -7 M5: -7 M6: -5.5 M7: -3.3 M8: -3.3 M9: -2.5 UNDER GOAL since 10/12/2016 - in current range since 12/10/2016. Average maintenance calories 1350

T Hagalicious Rebel

on 6/4/17 11:54 am - Brooklyn
VSG on 04/25/14 with

You look beautiful in that dress!

Well you know that conversation is coming & its better than not, for your own sanity to confront the issue head on, otherwise it can be awkward for both of you. Re directing the conversation is ok, but it sounds like its something that your mom won't drop so you'll have to be more blunt with her. She has to know that certain conversations are off limits.

So maybe the next time she asks your size, you can tell her she's being rude & your size is not a topic of discussion. If she wants the dress for herself, tell her where you got it. She probably doesn't want the dress, but her trying to put you down with back handed comments shouldn't be tolerated, even from your mom.

No one surgery is better than the other, what works for one may not work for another. T-Rebel

on 6/4/17 2:45 pm
VSG on 05/04/17

You look beautiful

Ashley the Tokyoite
on 6/4/17 8:52 pm - Japan
RNY on 08/08/13


I think it takes time and probably you need to let her know how that makes you feel. I would tell her, but not in the moment. She loves you - and you both look fab together. But she shouldn't rain on your parade.

Enjoy your success. You have so earned it!

Revision Band to RNY 8/8/13 5'4" HW 252 Lbs / SW 236 Lb / GW 135 lb / CW 117 lb

A.K.A. The Belgian Hag who moved to Japan!

on 6/5/17 5:00 am

love the dress!!

mine has made similar comments. I made a comment about buying a size 6 back last year about august and she said very snippy, you don't need to be a size 6 that is too small.

luckily she has not made a peep about it since and now I'm buying 0-4.

HW 295 SW 278 Surgery weight 225 CW 135 GW 135 LW: 118.8 RNY 12/15/2015, GB removal 09/2016, Twisted bowel/hernia repair 08/2017

M1 Dec 2015-13.0, M2-7.0, M3-14.5, M4-9.4, M5-7.1, M6 9.8, M7-7.6 ,M8- 7.6, M-9 5.5, M10-6.4, M11- 2.2, M12 Dec 2016- 5.8