Blah blah blah, neverending criticism

I appreciate your insight! My daughter is sensitive too and I definitely should think about how she will perceive my comments. I know that wasn't necessarily the purpose of this post, but it is truly helpful for some of us Moms!

I'd received the 'we think your losing too much weight' speech from my parents. I told my Mom how much I weigh, and my guess is since it was still more than her; it was suddenly alright.

I give you kudos- cause you said a lot more useful, truthful information to your Mom (healthy, doctors are happy, maintaining) then I would. My mom would have just picked apart the doctors credibility, healthcare in general etc. My aunt, her sister died in her 40's, and she had had WLS. Death wasn't related to the surgery-- but try and convince my mom of that.

So since it's worked once- I'll see if I can get away with always weighing more than her.

A slightly different viewpoint. Yes you need to shut her down. No, I don't think the conversation will help. Here's why.

My mom was very critical of my - my entire life. (I'm 55 and she just died in October at 94). She didn't want me to go to my father's funeral because I was too fat and would embarrass her. I made all the funeral arrangements- you can damn well bet I was there. However, after much therapy and discussing with my therapist the pros and cons of confronting some issues - we landed on -

WHAT WILL IT CHANGE - WILL IT CHANGE HER OPINION/REACTION or WILL IT MAKE THINGS WORSE?

I advise you consider those questions before deciding whether to have the "conversation." You can always deflect - or outright lie - gee I don't know it was on the clearance rack with no size tag but looked about right so I tried it on. Just keep repeating to yourself and vent here.

I'm sorry for the pain she is causing you. You do not deserve that. You deserve more. I wish you peace.

I disagree. Even if it changes nothing, and it did not with my mother, I think not having the conversation is just allows a free pass for someone who is critical and outspoken.

It was vital for me to tell my mother in clear terms that her criticism ad nauseam was demeaning, rude, hurtful, and would stop immediately or that would be the last time we spoke until she could be polite.

It depends on the person and the relationship. After much clear thought with the help of my therapist we determined there was nothing to be gained, as my mother would deny she said anything critical or hurtful - or push the blame onto me for causing her to say whatever she said. She was a malignant narcissist who can no longer criticize me.

So while I applaud you for doing what you needed to do, I just wanted to raise a different viewpoint - as I said in the opening line of my post. I don't think there is any right or wrong answer here.

Bravo! I did it the passive-aggressive way: cut off communication and did not see my mother for over three years. When I reappeared, the dynamics of the relationship had shifted. I had wrested power from her control. When she gets into one of her snits now, I mostly ignore her. She is aging poorly with COPD and is very unhappy. This end-of-life period highlights how she was always very unhappy and nothing ever met her expectations. I do take solace in the fact that I have disappointed her the least. HA! Hey, that's something!

Mothers and daughters. Oy.

The next time she asks "What size is that dress?", just say "My size."

I feel SO incredibly lucky that I never had any issues with my mother. She is still my role model, and was an amazing person.

maybe next time say- why do you want to borrow it in a nice tone she will probably not make comments after that since she knows it would not fit her....

Mothers can be our worst critics. Mine will say things like you look good but don't lose too much weight.

As a mother myself I try to be honest with my kids. Only usually when they ask me about something.

One thing I have been doing more is talking about my alcoholism with them to keep an eye on their own drinking.

Sorry for jacking this post. But as a mother I really want the best for my kids. I do get scared they will become like me. I know I am not a horrible person. But when I drank I was.

I think when you go see your mother have a script ready for her like Gwen said. It is very hard when we love someone and they have so many comments that are unwanted.

You have survived breast cancer which that is a miracle itself alone. Always keep that in your head.

These songs I listen to when I have to go into a situation.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZIIJncgpqAk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q8SK8JHKn1k