If you are considering weight loss surgery, someone in your life has probably expressed fears that surgery and weight loss will change you—the person they love just as you are now. It may be tempting to respond, “I won’t change,” but chances are, you will. You may even transform in completely unexpected ways.

In their book From the Inside Out: Resolving Obesity through the New Science of Bariatrics, Steven Baum, Angela Bickman and Paula Magid bust a series of weight loss surgery myths: among them, the myth that your personality will be unchanged after surgery. The following is adapted from Chapter 10 of From the Inside Out.

What do Weight Loss Surgery Patients Say?

“I was just curious to see what others’ opinions are or what you have gone through after WLS. Did your personality change? More confidence? More daring/less conservative? My best friend had WLS a few years ago and she said I’ll go through a complete personality overhaul. From her experience, she’s changed quite a bit, both good and bad. When I tell people I’m trying to go for WLS, the common concern is ‘Please don’t change your personality.’”

“Normally, I am upbeat, happy, fun, etc. I am now eight weeks post-op and beginning to feel angry/dissatisfied with everything every day (OK—but NOT angry with losing weight—that part is awesome). Like turbocharged PMS, but I don’t have PMS.”

“I know depression can be a post-op issue—but anger? I am angry with the way everyone is treating me, I am angry with my spouse, I am dissatisfied with my job, my house, my everything. I want to do a radical life makeover. Seems like now I am treating my body with respect, I want to improve every other aspect of my life.”

Professional Response

After years of carrying around unwanted weight, most people find that they “shrink into themselves” to avoid extra attention. Many obese people avoid public and social situations altogether, or if they do go out, they avoid the spotlight. This conditioning is a result of society’s views on obesity, and many overweight individuals take on this role. After surgery, however, confidence starts to return and our inner selves come out after being silenced for so long.

To believe that you are totally the same person going into surgery as you are leaving surgery is unrealistic. You now have a new way of eating, you may have discovered new activities you enjoy that you couldn’t do before you lost weight, and you may have a sense of excitement about each new day as you become a new you. All of these things contribute to your rebirth and your second chance at life—one that the “old” you was not experiencing.

What the above patients are feeling may be a result of realizing and getting past years of discrimination and unwanted negative comments. When weight starts coming off and obese people are no longer obese, they see themselves differently, as does the rest of the world. Many patients find that they are treated better and with more respect after weight loss surgery. On one hand, the compliments feel wonderful and long overdue; on the other hand, they can make us feel angry because they insinuate that we didn’t look good before the weight came off.

Some people even find themselves getting raises or promotions at work. If nothing has changed except the number on the scale, how can a person feel valued when this happens? You were the same diligent employee before surgery, so why did they wait until you lost 50 pounds to promote you? The result of all these realizations can often show itself in the form of anger.

Our society does not treat obese people fairly. This is definitely felt by many patients before surgery. However, as in the above cases, sometimes it’s felt more drastically after. Getting past the anger and hurt is part of the post-op recovery process, and can take some time. If working through it on your own does not help, however, it may be time to consult a professional.

Mattie’s Meltdown

Mattie is a 40-year-old, never-married white female who is 250 pounds above her ideal body weight. She has lived at home with her parents her entire life. She has a busy career in a marketing firm and is involved in her church activities. However, she is lonely and discouraged and desperately wants her life to be different than it is. Mattie decides to have gastric bypass surgery and proceeds with preparations. She resolves to give herself all the time and attention she needs to be successful, studies her nutrition information well, and makes a commitment to attend a support group following her surgery.

Mattie’s surgery is completed; she loses 215 pounds and is very near her ideal body weight. She decides to undergo plastic surgery to remove her excess skin, losing another 20 pounds. As a thin woman, Mattie is unsure of herself in social situations. It takes longer for her body image to catch up with her body size. She feels unworthy of all the attention that she now receives, especially from males.

Mattie becomes a little reckless, calling off from work and overspending on clothes. She begins to date a lot and meets many men online. In time, Mattie finds one man whom she begins having a lot of contact with; however, he lives many states away and he is married. Mattie quits her job and moves across the country to be with her boyfriend. Her parents are devastated as they watch their daughter make poor decision after poor decision. Starved for attention and affection, without enough self-esteem to know she is worth more than is being offered, Mattie spirals downward until she finds herself alone, broke, and needing to find stability in her life choices.

Like Mattie, you may find yourself reeling after surgery— especially when you realize the changes occurring within yourself, and in the responses of those around you. At times, it all may seem overwhelming. The important thing is to remember that you are not alone, and that there is help available when you need it.

From the Inside Out: Resolving Obesity through the New Science of Bariatrics is available at Amazon.com and BarnesAndNoble.com.