First Congrats on clean bill of health a decade out! Be sure you are getting labs periodically specific to our bodies.
I am only 8 years postop RNY. I have had maybe 20lb fluxes. And, I too, have been able to gorge myself. (which, if I noticed usually took at least twice as long, i love to dine, not eat with friends - they are stuffing their faces while I pontificate on whatever I want! lol) Here's my unprofessional thought (and horrific things I have noticed about myself in the last decade of my life, I am 44 now. ) I may sound rude or glib below, rest assured MOST if not all of these I have realized after many, many hours of excrutiating theoretical theorizing. ;-)
1. Yikes, sux to get older, right? Not really, but naturally our metabolism slows. It becomes more difficult to maintain muscle and bone mass & strength. As well as keeping our skin nice and smooth and supple, hair not greying, retirement plans funded, family and friends shrinking... Everybody you know is not the same as ten years ago, or even since last year. As soon as the bell tolled 40 on me, bi-focals. 8-)
2. I hate it as much as you do and I have an appointment this week with my shrink to argue the point again; some of everything is in our heads. Including the negative, if everything were chiming along super-swell we'd pat our own backs saying 'good job, self, for working the tool'
Now, I once was sent to therapy by my PCP (years before RNY) for CBT, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, for anxiety crap. Of course I interviewed potential therapists because I learned that when I said specifically the type therapy I wanted (I had a great PCP who I trusted) some therapists were either put-off by being interviewed for the job poking around my brain or they were knocked off their intake plan. Seems they'd be psyched for the client that is self-aware enough to ask for CBT, since self-awareness is kind of the central theme. lol
In all the years I have spent visiting the occasional therapist (I have only hired two.) Here is what I learned and have figured out:
1. We are all human, even some superheros (my dad and myself.) Take off the blinders, get off that horse (or take whoever you've put there down).
2. Just freakin' do it. (take a shower, walk away from the coke, push your plate away, stop blaming everybody/one/thing else.)
3. Catch yourself. What exactly are you hearing in your self-talk? (I was in a hospital supervised liquid fast years ago and went to pick up my recently deceased father's car. As soon as I got in it, I heard my thoughts and they were, "oooh, a big greasy, runs down your chin with all the fixin's burger would feel so good" WHAT?!?!? FEEL good? And I knew that moment, I used eating to heal pain, satisfy thirst, hide, compete.
4. Do not ask in your mind, in writing, out loud, 'what else could be wrong?' Because I believe we will be given that answer. I try to stay positive, but sometimes things go to shi* and I appreciate those. Makes the good times even better by degrees.
I can say the first three of these last, had me outright steaming mad. In essence saying, I SEE YOU, and I did not like that one damn bit. lol
HTH - Good luck to you -