I have been thinking about going to talk to someone about food related issues & just general� issues ( like self esteem/family/ friends) kind of things...
I went to my insurance website and there is a ton of chocies to pick from...
What kind of a doc should I pick?


Counselor
Geriatric Psychiatry
Psychiatry
Psychology
Substance Abuse Treatment



My next issue is..... My really close friend has pushed me away.�.
I thought she might have done it because of the WLS... but I really don't see her being the jealous type about that, but I guess you never know. ..


Anyone else have this prob?� Did they come around or did you just move on?

Thanks:)

Not knowing all your issues I would think I counselor or regular Psychiatrist or Psychologist would be ok.  You could also see about a nutritionest.  Just a thought.  You just have to find someone you feel comfortable opening up with.

 

As for your friend issue, maybe she is insecure.  She may not be jealous, she may just not understand and doesn't want to put her foot in her mouth.   Do you drop her, I would say no but I would be looking for some new friends in the mean time.


 

I started seeing a Psychologist a few months ago and it's been great!  Really helpful and it's great to have someone that is completely unbiased but honest and not afraid to call me on it when I'm not being honest with myself. 
Look for someone with eating disorders as a specialty and ask them if they deal with compulsive overeating, not just the other main food related issues like anorexia and bulimia. 
You may have to see a couple to get the best fit.  Mine is a woman and I feel more comfortable with a woman for some reason.  I guess because it's like talking with a close girlfriend, something you're missing. 

Do it!  You'll be glad you did!

Lisa O.

Your post and your profile lack important information in order to effectively offer insight into your concerns.  However, if your concerns are generally socially based and you have low self esteem, often a Psychotherapist who specializes in Cognitive Behavior Therapy can be very helpful.

As for your friends issue, (are you very young?), this seems quite immature.  You are growing up and maybe your friends are not.  It is sad to lose a good friend, but growing up often means shedding layers of our youth in order to grow.

Good luck. Cheer up!

 

I think it's a great idea for you to see a phsychologist.  I see one myself.  I heard that it is something that is recommended for those going though wls and all of the pschological issues that one can have associated with wls.  As far as what to do about your "friend",  I think that would be a subject that you could bring up to the therapist and he or she could help you to figure out the best way to handle that issue.  Good luck and keep us posted on how you are doing, both physically and psychologically.  We're here to support you.

a psychologist that works with addiction.  That way you're founding out why you turn to food and the reasons in your past that made you turn that way.  ie self esteem issues, the people you assoc. with, bad child stuff etc. 

It has helped me

as far as the friend issue goes...you may be changing (not in a bad way).  I have been seeing a change in dynamics with friends since getting sick 5 years ago.  Now that I am losing all the weight I gained I see a different shift happening.  I think it's me changing.  I do no allow people to walk all over me (been working on that a few years now) and maybe they don't like that I give back what I get sometimes. 

It's just a thought.

(Sorry this is kind of long - you may need a bathroom break...........lol) 

Therapy is always good.  Behavior modifications can work really well and possibly finding something out about yourself that may give you some insight into eating patterns.

As for the friend thing, I just recently went through something similar - although my lap band surgery is upcoming (May 14th).  I have a close friend of over 42 year (since we were 5 yrs. old).  We have been close through weddings, and babies and raising our kids.  Spending holidays together.  In the last several months my phone calls and emails have gone unanswered.  No matter how busy our lives have been in the past, we have always made time for each other for at least a phone call.

I wracked my brains trying to think if something I did or said offended her so badly that she would shut me out - but I honestly could not.  Because we had such a long history, I did not give up on her - even though others around me told me to.  At times I got angry and other times I cried - good friends are hard to come by and I did not want to give up that friendship so easily.  Because I could not think of any reason for her to treat me like this, I decided to just continue leaving messages for her - which she continued to ignore.  

Finally after many months I wrote her an email asking her point blank if she was angry with me and telling her that if I had done something to her I was unaware and to give me a chance to redeem myself if I had.  I told her what our friendship meant to me and that if I didn't hear back from her I will take that as as sign that she did not want me to bother her any more - although I really hoped she would contact me.

She answered that email saying that she had been really busy - I wasn't buying it, but at least she was communicating with me.  We just had lunch together last Friday and although it was awkward at first - our history kicked in and we got busy catching up on all we had missed in the months we had not talked.  I did not ask her again what happened and I may never know what it was.

My point is (finally..lol) you do what you feel is the right thing for you.  Some friends are in your life for a season -and that if okay.  Others are there forever - this friend I'm speaking about I feel is the latter.  If this strained friendship is too much for you, then give yourself a break from it for a while.  It doesn't mean you have to sever the ties, but you cannot dwell on it either.  The whole time we were estranged, I had the words to a song my daughter learned in Brownies running through my head "make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold".  Perhaps your friend will come around and maybe not.  Just do what you feel you have to do in your heart.

I hope this helps (and you haven't fallen asleep reading this.....lol)

Sharon

I think a counselor is a good start. I have went to one off and on for over a year and I love it. It gives me someone to talk to that has no emotional investment in any of my decisions, so she can look at both sides fairly.  Plus, it gives me somewhere to talk about things that I just cant talk about with others.  If they think you need further help, they can refer you to someone else that is more appropriate.

If you are employed, see if your human resource department has information about EAP programs. You can get several visit through them at no cost.

H.

The following are thoughts of a lapbander who is a 68 year old guy.  Me.

I had my lap band installed about 7 weeks ago and I am thrilled with it.  My pants now fit, my shirts fit and I am getting smaller every day.  (Actually, its "pants on the ground" for me.)  I have already been told that I am becomming a whole different, fun person.  Prior to surgery, I must have talked to 50 different people who had a lap band installed and every one of them said they would do it again in a heartbeat.

I had several friends come to me in the past and tell me privately, that they did not want to lose me to a heart attack or whatever because I was getting so fat.  I was 350 lbs at that point !  My knees, back and feet were in pain and I was winded just climbing a flight of stairs.

Now, I have several very obese close friends who have distanced themselves from me because I elected to make this life changing decision and they haven't.  I look at it as their problem, not mine.  I have found a whole bunch of new friends who have also had weight loss surgery and totally understand what I am going through.

I suggest that you check out support groups in your area as well.  Lots of nice people!  Just remember, YOU are in charge of YOU.  I applaud your decision to have the WLS!  Good Show!

-Doug, "The Leader of his Band"


 

Carrie --
Can you call Dr. Blackstone's office and get a referral to a therapist that specializes in Eating issues?

About the friend -- she may just need some time to adjust to all of the changes you are making.

When we change, the people in our lives usually have alot to re-evaluate -- and whether you mean to or not, you have changed the dynamic of your relationship (probably in a good way, but change is change and it is very stressful to some people).

Hang in there with her -- give her some space -- and see what the therapist has to say about it.

I see a psychologist and I got really lucky when I went looking for one through my insurance site cause the first guy I called was a great fit.

I looked for someone with experience in:

eating disorders
anxiety
depression
cognitive behavioral therapy

And mine even had "bariatric surgery consult" listed on his list of qualifications online so that was a bonus and it turns out he's worked with people who've had RNY and lap band before.

Best of luck finding someone and don't be afraid to interview different ones to see who is a good fit for you.

Regarding the friend thing...

I had a very close friend whom I considered my sister.  We were friends for 15 years (since high school) and I loved her very much.  So, imagine my surprise when, out of the blue, she cut off all communication with me. 

I emailed her, called her, wrote her, and all went unanswered.  I just did not understand what was going on and why she was ignoring me.  She had a new baby, so I assumed she was just adjusting to motherhood.  One day she finally Emailed me, telling me "thanks for nothing" and accusing me of being a crappy friend.  It was completely shocking and totally unwarranted.

Anyway, at first I was heartbroken.  It still stings a bit.  But I know I'm better off.  I don't know whether to chalk it up to postpartum depression, or what.  She was also a big girl, and we were always "the fat girls" together.  I think that maybe she felt that our friendship would be threatened, or that I would change once I lost weight. 

It's really sad, but it happens.

Thanks everyone for all the different viewpoints!  I am diffidently going to call someone today and set up an appt!  I just feel like I want to address all of the little underline issues and the reasons I find comfort in food.     

 

I just find it amazing how a “solid” friend relationship can crumble over something such as losing weight!  And some of you have been friends with the other for such a long time too!

I am glad to hear you friend is coming around Sharon! 

I have only been friends with her for the past few years but I consider her friend like family especially since neither of us has family living around …   My toddler son just adores her too, and it hurts that she hasn’t been around.  I guess it would make sense to me if I was a few months out of surgery & losing weight… then maybe I could have something to grasp onto for this disappearing act of hers.   But I am only 3 weeks out (as of today actually).   

Anyway, I am looking forward to journey and getting healthy for myself, my husband, & son…  and if that takes losing a “friend” on the way then so be it, because I don’t want to go back!

I see a licensed clinical social worker that specializes in anxiety, depression and eating disorders. She has been wonderful as I saw her for 2 years before having surgery, she helped me with my decision to have surgery and now follows me post op and has been helping me deal with body issues , stress and anxiety over becoming a mom as my pregnant belly grows.

She was wonderful too when I was first losing because I got really depressed when I no longer recognized my face in the mirror.

I think it is great that you are considering therapy because weight problems are not just physical but emotional and mental and that part of the body needs help healing too.

I would only go for a psychiatrist if you believe you need medication. Psychiatrists are medical doctors and don't tend to do therapy so much as prescribe medications though and use 15-20 min follw-up visits to do medication management.

Try to find a therapist (either licensed clinical social worker, certified counselor or psychologist) that works in a group practice with several psychiatrists. That will help if you ever need medication and the psychiatrist can share notes with whoever is providing therapy for more wholistic care.