Divorce and Lap Band
I am getting divorce after 17 years being married. I can't blame the band for the divorce, my husband did change and we went through a lot during our marriage. I thought we could make it through anything together. He is very unhealthy and very overweight and going through a mid life crisis at age 58. I feel empty inside like a part of me is missing. I don't eat comfort food anymore and this is so hard. I had my surgery 4 years ago and that is when he said everything changed. I know there is a reason for this, I just don't know what it is yet? I am only 55 and still very young. Any tips on how to move on when your in your fifties? I have returned to being the woman he married and not the lonely housewife waiting on her husband to come home and fall asleep at the kitchen table. I have lost 109 lbs and kept it off in 4 years and still losing and hoping to get to goal this year by putting all my time into myself and not my ungrateful husband.
I'm not in my 50's but I did have to rebuild my life from nothing and raise my daughter by myself after my divorce. It was a very unhealthy relationship and I am grateful all of the time to be rid of him...and it's been 13 years since the divorce. At first his life seemed like a fairy tale. He remarried and had a great house and they did great financially. But that was all a facade.
At first I really struggled emotionally, financially...but slowly my life started to come together. I got a good job and a great place. I was able to support myself an my daughter well. Emotionally I was doing great. I just had to work on myself physically (after my daughter went off to college and I could focus on ME). I got my Band 4 years ago and I have been successful beyond my dreams. I am now doing great physically. I now have emotional health, physical health, financial stability and the love and respect of my daughter and my family.
My ex by the way...is a shell of a man. He is obese. He had to go bankrupt several years ago. His marriage is not a happy one. He doesn't have the respect of his daughter or his family. And when he heard through the grapevine I lost a lot of weight...this pathetic man tried in vain to see me. Like I would want to see him...I am sorry but I am now dating men much better than him...he is beneath me!!
When all is said and done...I am the one who came out shining in the end...it took years of hard work but I am the one doing great and looking great. I never gloated or acted mean towards him or rubbed his nose in my success. Although, there is a part of me that would love to dress up and walk by him and say "eat your heart out asshole" But I'm above this.
I think starting over at any age is hard. For me the first year is the hardest...but it gets easier. I do remember I would have good days and bad days. So don't be surprised if out of the blue you are feeling down about the whole thing. You will get past it. Things just got better and better and pretty soon it was a distant memory or a bad dream.
Just remember millions of women have started over...you're not alone.
I am so sorry you are going through this and I wish I had something to offer other than hugs but I feel that wls should come with an attorney attached. This happens so often. When the partner loses weight they suddenly regain confidence and self respect. The other partner feels threatened. Or, the one who had surgery suddenly realizes they deserve better than the old crap and decides to move on. No matter what happens you can make it through this. Get yourself some counseling, it will help. I will pray for you.
pre surgery, my doc told me 50% of lap band patients leave relationships. He considered it part of the pre op teaching and asked if that was a risk I was willing to take. I said yes, and th relationship ended vecause I wasn't will to put up with the BS anymore. My mind and my body changed.
Mine walked after 21 years. He always said he would dump me if I got over 200 and he eventually did. He lost weight, left, got a 20 year old with a baby. He ended obese. I ended with a most wonderful man that has know me fat and thin and loves me however I am. His only concern is that I am healthy. I got the surgery with his support.
When he left me I went true days of hell. But, in the end I am a better person and am married to a better person.
Sorry to hear that you are one of the statistics. I am one also. The good news is, once you get to the other side and work through the pain and loss, life can be so much better!! After being single a couple of years, I landed the man of my dreams! We are getting married later this year. I hope you find happiness with yourself and a man to share it with!
on 3/20/13 12:12 am
I'm sorry also you have had to go through this I to just went through divorce (14.5 years) and still going through a nasty custody battle.
Just know you are worth the happiness that will find you. That is the first thing i kept telling myself I'M WORTH SOMETHING! You will move on your a strong person or you wouldn't have made the choice to loose weight and take this battle on!
YOU CAN DO IT!