Background. Day-to-day life is not what it used to be for me. I am an educator who had RNY back in 2002. I lost 96 pounds in less than a year. A bit over two years out (around 2005), back issues, joint issues, aand pain developed in my sides and back. In spite of this, I usually walked 2-5 miles a day for five or six years until the pain got so bad that I would writhe on the floor begging God for help. Saw docs on and off for 6-7 yrs. (Was a member here years ago, but lost my old password and changed emails...) Put on some pain meds, told of degenerative disk disease, some epidurals, some PT, etc. Finally, suggestion of fibro two years ago. Pain increased over the last two years. This January, I saw new - in - town rheumatologist whom my reg doc recommended since I was still saying the pain meds didn't help, and I can't even attempt to take them while teaching. Extensive tests. Lupus, arthritis, Raynaud's were diagnosed. My back problems were said to be a combination of osteoporosis, arthritis, the disk disease, and the lupus. New meds (pred, gabapentin, plavix, plaquenil, and vitamins). Oh, and BTW, "when did you have the stroke on your left lobe?" (And here's the kicker, after getting to know her and feel confident that she had me on a path that would help, her husband was abruptly transferred, and she followed with only a few days notice!) Oh, I do have an appt with a new rheuma in two weeks; it only takes 5-6 weeks to get an appt....
Weight gain about 25-30 pounds last 2 years. Due to pain my walking (main exercise) greatly diminished. Now with pred. with more weight puffiness-gain. I have started the 17 Day Diet to see if I have a carb sensitivity, which I've suspected, and I am attempting to give it a go.
That's background, and probably too much. Here's my heart being opened to strangers--- I am sitting here crying about what I need to do. How do I handle each day when I can't predict what it'll be like when I put my foot on the floor that morning? I am a teacher. That's who I am. BUT, I am so exhausted by noon that I feel as if I am paddling in murky and painful jello in the afternoon, and I still push myself beyond to give all my kids everything I can. I truly just collapse when I get home. Grading papers on Friday had my hands and back in such pain that I am still in spasms and can't even move comfortably this morning despite doing my traction and PT.
How do I cope with the pain and now, possibly, having to give up who I am? Ideas? Advice? Words of comfort or inspiration?