Unhappy Husband

Well, it's been a long time since I've felt attractive to my husband. For the past few months, no more chaseing me around the house. He's always treating me as if I have a disease now. But also say's he loves me. My self esteem is out the door. Mind you, I'm I'm pretty flabby, but not hanging in my skin, except for under my chin a little..that's ugly. That's about it, tho'. My husband keeps saying, Don't lose anymore weight, but I'm only 6months out and I know that I'll keep losing for the next year or so. I've lost 83lbs so far..I"m 5'9" and wear as size 12 now and I thought I was looking pretty hot and was thinking that it's just my husband's insecurities that's making him act like he is..NOT, He said he misses my big but and legs. Or he's afraid he'll hurt me, playing around like we use to. When I met my husband16 years ago, I was this size and he was attacted, but he never was unattacted to me as a "big" woman either..I don't know what happened. I'm confused and worried and he just say's he needs time to get use to the changes in me. Hummmm..I am still me, Big or small..I just don't get it. What is really going on here? Wonder. Help, I need some advice on what to do here..I am SO hurt and confused. I'm going to try and go annom. on this post..If I can find how, So noone can google this.. I'm Janet G.

WELL..So much for Anonymous!!!

i have to tell u that my husband does not want me to have the surgery because i will lose my butt and trust me its a BIG one.... i dont know u think guys want a hottie ???

What is it about a BIG BUTT they like? Silly MEN! LOL You know?, the changes we go thru after this WLS is confusing..The weight comes off remarkably FAST and our heads are left behind for a while..it's unbelievable to our minds and also to our husbands..it really does take time for eveyone close to us to adjust to all the changes in us. I think I have this "thing" my husband is going thru all figured out..he's not too much overweight, but enough to feel self consious about it, especially now that I'm thinner than he is. He felt fit when I was so overweight, and his confidence was higher, then. So here I am, wearing nice new stylish clothing, feeling so much more energy and leaving him behind in a way. He's still wanting to sit infront of the TV, snacking away..something we've enjoyed doing togetherin the past...but now I just can't sit that long and can't eat the junk anymore..I've managed to get him out of the bed in the morning a time or two to either walk or swim with me before he leaves for work, but he'd rather sleep and does that most days. He still wants to eat the same way as before..and I've tried to feed him healthier, but I'm having to fix him somthing else soon after the meal because he's just not satisfied with the "light meal".. Well anyway, I'm having to make him feel good about himself by being the aggressor now. It's all strange to me because he has always been the one to chase me around..and too often...LOL It all just came to a screaming halt after the surgery and tho' I didn't mind at first, but it eventually started to make me feel unattractive and I started to worry. I'm sure there will be more role reversals to come..one thing I need to remember is my husband loves me very much. I know that and I shouldn't have panic'd the way it did..I just need to figure this out..and I did. Oh, by the way..congratulations on your dicision to take this journey..You are beautiful now, so I guess we can see how the hubbie would worry about how much more beautiful you'll be after the surgery..we just have to keep their ego's up, just as they done for our big ole butts..LOL Best wishes, Janet

My husband didnt want me to have it either and was resistant to me having it for years.............I do respect my man.............but he respects me and my choices..........He is my biggest fan now

Janet: Give him time. Take him aside and really talk it though. Did he like you better chubby because it made him feel more secure? Sometimes spouses get worried or jelous that their SO's will suddenly become visable to the oppisite sex and therefore no longer find THEM attractive. Talk things through with your sweetie~!

You are so right..we have to keep THEM feeling attactive. It's not "all about us" as we seem to make things after WLS..new everything..new look, new clothes, new attitude, new desires..on and on..us, us, us.. Sorta like leaving the hubby in the dust..We need to aware they are having to deal with changes too, and we have to remember their needs. Thanks for your input, Amber..Best wishes on your upcoming surgery! It's getting close! I'll be sure to send up my prayers for you and an uneventful surgery! Thanks again, Janet

I think Amber hit the nail on the head!!! I have already talked to my husband, showing him these posts also helps. He is my best friend and my support. And I want him to be there thru out this entire journey!! It.s for the both of us in a way...so Ic an be healthier and be with him. Do things with him. Enjoy doing things. Look sexy for him and only him!!!

What you've all said is sooooo true. My angel and her husband sat us both down to talk about some of the strain that WLS can put on a marriage about 8 months before my surgery. My hubby and I have been really open and honest w/ each other about what concerns we may have in the relationship department including sexual concerns. This has helped. Now that I'm 4 weeks out and very clearly losing weight and inches he has started to question things....mostly in a teasing way. I had to tell him that the comments about "my boyfriends" needed to stop for a little while. He tells me he loves me a lot more than he used to and he calls to check on me throughout the day. It's nice to have the extra attention but I know I need to give some of that back too. Make a conscious effort to be open w/ each other, say "I love you" a lot and if you need to be the aggressor for a while...your a new you on the outside so maybe it will be fun to change some of your inside habits too...LOL Good luck!!